Skin growth, suicide and good-bye Christmas Tree

So how long does it take for your pierced ear to heal back up? There was awhile there in my early 20’s where I stopped wearing earrings for over a year. I was surprised when one day I was able to put them back in. Yes, the outer skin layer had healed over, but it barely took anything to “re-pierce” the ear. And, granted it was probably 10 years ago but, I don’t remember it really hurting.



I had stopped wearing earrings for a few weeks recently because my left ear hurt a little and thought it best to give them a break. This morning I go to put them in and the skin had healed over. It got me thinking and I know I wore earrings at Thanksgiving. So it’s been less than two months! That’s some fast growing skin, isn’t it? And my ears hurt a bit today. I’m keeping them clean, but just a little unsettling since I didn’t remember the hurt from last time.



Last night I brought the beloved Christmas tree out for pick up (and then took an hour cleaning up the needles in the living room, and on the stairs, and on the porch, and on the sidewalk – it was a dry tree). It seems like such a sad end for a tree. There’s so much work in selecting the “right” tree, decorating it and keeping it lit and watered. And then it gets tossed to the curb. There should be a ceremony or something to provide proper closure. At least this time I took a picture on my camera (instead of my phone where I have yet to get the pics out – years later).



Which reminds me of my list of strange things that I came across recently:


1. Christmas tree pick-up. Last week, I was on the bus, late at night, tired, thinking. Thinking, “I wonder when the Christmas tree pick-up is this year.” And then within a minute my eye rested on the road sign on the side of the road which read, “Christmas pick-up on your regular trash day week of 1/25.” Eerie, right? I guess the message could be eerier.

2. Empire State Building. I was looking up the square footage as a way to put into context a building project I’m working on. Reading through the Wikipedia entry I came across this line:
“On December 2, 1979, Elvita Adams jumped from the 86th floor, only to be blown back onto the 85th floor and left with only a broken hip.” Weird, right? I mean, did someone leave a window open? How did she get blown back in? I don’t get the logistics.



3. Vic Chesnutt. I was catching up on my Fresh Air podcasts this week and was listening to the special, “In Memoriam: Sweet, Sad Rocker Vic Chesnutt”. At one point of an earlier interview, Terry Gross asks him how many times he’s attempted suicide. He answers, “3 or 4 times”. Isn’t that weird? It’s not like she asked: how many times have you visited Chicago? You’d think you’d remember these life changing moments and have the number down.



Well that’s all for now, as I sit here in my fancy corporate uniform while wearing snowmen socks. I really really need to do laundry this weekend.

1 down 4 to go

I just now finished Season 1 of Lost. Only four more seasons to go. I have 3 weeks. Minus the week I'm overseas in Abu Dhabi. That's 2 seasons per week. And it just took me almost 3 weeks to finish the first season. Doesn't look promising. At least I don't have to wait all summer to find out what happens after the cliff hanger. I will wait until tomorrow though as I'm tired.



In other news, this week is calmer, and have the second dates lined up for later in the week.

Sunday Update (on monday)

I meant to post last night while still in the moment, but, I should make a note, crawling into bed ready for bed and taking out the old laptop only works if you’re not that tired.



Sunday was a lost day in the first half and yet still very full. I did manage to make myself a decent breakfast – homemade blueberry pancakes (local blueberries from a friend who bought 400 lbs of the small wild kind and shared a huge amount with me), and finished up the Niman Ranch Apple Smoked bacon - mmmm. And I did the dishes – well half of them. The counters are cleared but the dishwasher is at that awkward ¾ full where you hate to run it but you’re starting to need some of the stuff in it. I then proceeded to nap until running out the door to go down to Hingham to pick up a table from craigslist. It was a beautiful crisp, sunny, cold day – perfect for a Sunday drive down to the South shore. And so comfortable with the new car and the GPS leading the way. I’m still getting the hang of the directions it gives and could have sworn it told me to turn left several times when it was indicating turning right on the screen. I think it might be messing with me but haven’t actually caught it in the act yet. I’m watching.



After picking up the table I plugged in the dealership’s address to go get my fob programmed. I’m still using the old fashioned way of driving and locking my car – with a key. I think I have a system where I don’t have to use the key at all – the proximity kind. Well, I wind my way through Boston to Comm Ave and as I’m trying to find the place I think I should call ahead and let them know I’m coming. That’s when I notice on the back of the card that I had written down the hours and the place closed at 4 pm on Sunday and it was 5 after 4 and I couldn’t find the place. So I scratched it. It can keep. So called my friend D as he wanted to go check out guitars together. I made it to Guitar Center first and was trying out a few of the lower end nylon string kind (classical). Uninterrupted by staff in a small room off the main part. Of course, I had no clue what I was doing, but it was fun pretending.



D shows up with S and his 18 month old son which was a pleasant surprise. S and I went to college together way back when and haven’t seen each other for awhile. It was fun hanging out and trying out the different guitars. The ¾ guitar I was supposed to pick up from my friend to borrow was there, and sounded awful. It actually sounded so awful I contemplated buying a used guitar then and there. Turns out the one I picked out couldn’t be purchased for another two weeks. I guess the things can be “hot” so they need to hold them for 30 days so the police can do a proper check. Who knew. Worked out perfectly though.



While at the store I get a text from my girlfriend that I was going to go out with later that night and she wanted to reschedule. A little bummed, but also a bit worn out from the busy week, so didn’t mind. D and I ended up heading over to S’s and we all took his three older kids out for some nighttime sledding in Brookline. So we finally all get bundled up, van is packed with a slew of sleds, and I get squeezed in between two car seats and three very talkative kids. It was awesome. We drive through this residential neighborhood, up a hill and bam, there it is – this slope for sledding with an amazing backdrop of the Boston skyline from Fenway to the Hancock to downtown. It was a great setting for nighttime sledding. And we had the hill all to ourselves. Luckily we brought flashlights which the three kids held onto. Brilliant as you could always keep track of where they were anywhere on the hill. Needless to say, I wasn’t really dressed properly and my once roomy, now much tighter, jeans did not offer up much protection. After we stopped for hot coca and my underwear was so wet. But I have to say, there is something about being out in the winter enjoying the winter sports and hearing the unfiltered laughter of little kids enjoying themselves, screaming as they go down the hill backwards.



And by the time we got back my friends who I was picking up the guitar from were back in town. So we head over to JP and the guitar I’m borrowing sounds nothing like the crappy one in the store. I’m stoked. I had tried a Yamaha or something and this is a baby Martin. The guys had a good time sharing stories and stuff about guitars and hit it off. On my way back end up swinging by D’s place and he fixes the guitar up (well almost – need an allen wrench for one thing). All in all it was another surprising evening – wonderful and different then what I expected. It was a great way to close out the crazy week, with the comfort of familiarity of old friends and new experiences. And I found out that I can drive from Beacon Hill to my place in about 10 minutes if it’s really late at night (i.e. midnight).



And I get home and check email and there are a slew of emails from the boys. So no need to hop onto match quite yet – let’s see how this batch works out. This week will be busy with the round of second dates. I’m excited but more nervous as it gets into communicating better. Having been recently on the receiving end of poor communication I realized I can handle this better and be up front about the direction I think things are going. I’ve of course I’ve conveniently left out, that not all the emails were from the new guys. I’m still getting mixed messages from previous guys I had written off. So who knows? I sure don't. This whole thing is crazy but I’ve learned it’s healthier not to put all your eggs in one basket at this point in the game. We’ll see how it all unfolds. See, I’m learning. Still confused, but trying.



So now, I’m listening to the CD that came with the lesson book and all I want to do is cut out early from work and go home and get started. Of course, I’m now listening to the advanced stuff which looks complicated. It’s all finger picking – no chords and strumming. But I think it should work for me as it’s very similar to piano. I guess this week will be the test to see how much the years of piano actually come into play when picking up another instrument.

Saturday Update

So writing this I realize I think I’ve shifted, at least temporarily, where my craziness in my life is on the personal side and not the work side. Finally. Last night was wonderful, again surprising and not what I expected, although I was expecting it to be good. It was even better. James Gate in JP is a really cool place – dig the atmosphere and the beer. I walk in and who do I notice first but the boy from New Years Eve. Which was perfect as I didn’t think we left things really cool. So the night was good in hanging out with him in a very plutonic way and with the friends that appreciate your quirkiness (and I am the first to admit I’m fairly quirky). It was just a good vibe the whole night, tons of laughing and silliness. We even snagged a table in the corner where the dozen of us crowded around and proceeded to play silly games like telephone. Granted, I took advantage of the one night that I wasn’t driving and using public transportation and enjoyed my fair share of drinks.



Today I was a bit lethargic and really didn’t accomplish much – other than making a dent on watching episodes of Lost. Which I guess counts for something. I finally drag myself into action late afternoon and get ready for my date this evening. I always have trouble with Saturday nights as I’m happy to just stay home and the thought of getting ready and heading out is not always appetizing.



Well, I’m glad I did. I do the chore of getting ready and being presentable, yet again, the third time this week. And of course am running late. I was late to almost everything this week. And this time, I get there early which is fine as parking can be a bear, and I get the spot right in front of the door. Right in front of the door! Even after having to turn around and come back, no one took it.



Ended up going to PJ Ryans. Cool bar even if they have way too many tv screens. Good beer on tap and nice vibe. Not as cool as James Gate, but still decent. Well the date shows up and he’s pretty good looking in person, carries himself well. (And I think I have a thing for beards, I'm starting to see a trend). Had a great time chatting over beers and fries. Tons in common – we’re both super atheists which is rare to find. Different in some ways but very similar in other ways. We both aren’t crazy about things that are fads. And the best part, he wanted to know when we could get together and have dinner next – sometime next week. I have to say this guy has a lot of potential and won tons of points by not playing the game and just wanting to do the next thing. He’s cool but doesn’t play the cool game. So I was giddy on my way home tonight, and if nothing else that’s wonderful. I’ll take it.



So I think I’m doing well. Granted I really don’t want to log on to match to set up the next wave of dates, but know I should. It’s just such a bear of an exercise. And one always hopes that this round was good and it’s not needed. We’ll see after tomorrow night – I’m going out with some girlfriends to try yet a different approach with guys. I think this will be the least likely to succeed but will be tons of fun being with friends. It’ll make for some good stories.



The house remains unpresentable although I did sort the laundry tonight for the various loads – five – that’s from having guests and not doing laundry since october. I haven’t done the loads, but it’s sorted. It’s a start.

Friday Update

I’m happy it’s Friday. I’m tired, but in a good way, not in a “I’m going to lose my shit” way that my friend Cece is going through right now. I realize, busy evenings that go late is good. Early morning conference calls with the Middle East is good. But back to back? Not so good. So getting home at midnight and needing to make it into the office for 7:30 am calls (with an hour commute) just doesn’t work well for this 9 hour a night girl. But that was the beginning of the week. I’m feeling a bit more rested now, but still happy that when I get home tonight I can just collapse into bed and wake up when I want to tomorrow. Be it 6 am or more likely 11 am. Ok, probably somewhere in the middle.



So quick recap. I had a surprisingly good time each night. Which is weird as I was expecting to have a good time, but each night surprised me of just working out better than I anticipated. Not anything in particular, just that good buzz from a happy life kind of feeling. Tuesday was bluegrass with Dave that I went to Spain with a year+ ago. There’s something about traveling with someone that moves the relationship to a different comfort level which is nice. We hadn’t hung out for awhile and I got to grill him about guitar advice. I didn’t realize he plays every day. And that I miss bluegrass. I hadn’t heard good bluegrass in awhile.



Then Wednesday was an energetic session with my therapist. I’m so used to more passive analyst types from my brief fore ray (is that right?) with the field. She’s a cognitive therapist (I think) and started to get to the route of things and working on how to change things, especially in relationships. I even have homework and already feel a shift on my outlook and approach to thinking about things that is much healthier.



And last night, I had a great time emailing during the day with another friend who is into guitars and is excited about me picking up the instrument. Tons of advice and he’s even going to let me borrow one of his guitars he doesn’t use. Which is awesome as guitar’s really aren’t that cheap if you want to do it right and not get some cheapo thing from Wal-Mart. So I stop by my local music shop on my way home from work and the store clerk was really helpful and spent a ton of time teaching me about the different kinds to choose from and trying them out. I didn’t leave with a guitar (which I’ve been told to shop around first), but did leave with a thick lesson book which I’ve already read half of. Tonight I should be able to pick up the guitar – yay! I won’t have a tuner but think I have everything I need to get started.



I rushed home and grabbed the car to head to Porter Square for my first date. He wasn’t what I expected but really, how can you know what to expect if you haven’t actually met the person. We had a great time and there was good energy. He even bought the same exact car as me at about the same time (except his is newer). And I don’t know if it’s the progress in therapy or the guy or the timing, but he doesn’t fall in my normal categories. In the past it was all or nothing for me. I either felt the electrifying chemistry and was into the guy, or I didn’t and was looking for an exit strategy. With this guy, it’s somewhere in the middle. I think it’s the living in the moment thing that had eluded me in the past. Progress! So who knows about this one, I’ll keep you posted.



And the other first date I have for tomorrow I wasn’t really digging at first. But the emails back and forth trying to coordinate time and place has piqued my interest and I’m really looking forward to that date now too. I have to say these two guys were much better in the correspondence than some of my past experiences. It’s hard to get your personality to come across in email, especially in the beginning – so kudos to them.



Oh, and looking forward to tonight. I invited another friend to join us at James Gate in JP. Nothing like good friends and good beer in front of a fire, on a snowy day (yes it’s snowing as I write this). Of course, getting home will be interesting. I usually drive as public transportation is kind of tricky (and long). But the friend joining is from the same side of town as I am, so it should be a fun adventure tonight.



Next week, not much planned. Only have one thing planned, but am excited as it will be my first Boston Symphony experience. I’m going with a friend on Thursday for the Mozart and Elgar production. I’ve always enjoyed Mozart’s Prague Symphony and think I’ll really like Elgar although he’s new to me (at least by name).



Of course, not being home much, my clean house from having guests has reverted back into a chaotic mess. I really need to clean the place this weekend. I was supposed to clean it last weekend. Maybe by writing it here it will happen this time. One can hope.

Urban Outdoorsman

I headed over to Copley Square area to meet up with someone from FHLB for lunch. On my way there I passed an old veteran of panhandling. She had definitely been around the block a few times. She was rattling her cup and what struck me was the way she phrased her request: "Financially embarrassed". It reminded me of the first time I saw someone literally "fishing for money" - the sign on the end of stick on Telegraph Ave in Berkeley. Funny.





And then on my way back, I passed another person sitting in one of the corridors in the T at Park Street asking for money. Except it was his sign that was doing the asking while he was chatting away on a cell phone. Not what you'd expect.





I originally titled the post bums, but realized that's not a very PC term. Who knew it's "Urban Outdoorsman" or I guess "Urban Outdoorswoman" depending.

The Big 2-0-0!

So it only took me 3 years and 8 months to make it to my 200th post and it is nicely timed to usher in the New Year. The new decade even. What a milestone. And boy has this past year been full of major milestones. Except they weren’t really mine. Births, marriages and death. I was very fortunate to be able to share in all of these with my dear and close friends and family and I thank them for that. Don’t get me wrong, 2009 was a good year. I logged more miles under the ol’ travel belt and enjoyed the sites in Abu Dhabi, Germany, and Sweden. I ended a 15 year relationship, of which 12 years we had been going steady. We travelled cross country many times and was with me each time I moved to a new city. I felt bad ending it but know it was time to move on. I still miss my little Saturn, but am slowly falling in love with my new Infiniti. On a side, did I ever tell you about the pattern I found with the cars I’ve owned? I discovered it after I had decided on the Infiniti but hadn’t signed the papers yet. I was starting to second guess if it was the right decision and then it hit me. I’ve always enjoyed math, art and astronomy. My very first car was Darling, an old Corolla. Doesn’t that sound like Crayola? Well, it does to me. So there you go: Art (Corolla), Astronomy (Saturn), Math (Infiniti). The clincher was the final piece – cats. If you know me, you know I love my cats. And my ultimate cat? The Jaguar of course! A nice old estate car like an XJ6 or XJS. Which is funny as I thought I would have had a Subaru or Volvo sometime in my life, but don’t really see how they fit into the pattern. So I guess not.



This New Year’s eve, I was excited. I had a party to go to. Close friends to share the momentous night with. And a cute boy. It was all falling into place so perfectly. There was even going to be the beautiful light of the full moon, a blue moon even! (That only happens every 19 years – a blue moon on New Year’s Eve). In the end the moon and the boy were a no show. Well not literally. The boy was there, but it went south throughout the night. Cuteness can only take you so far. And to be honest, I was more enamoured with the idea of him than the actual thing. On the upside, the reason the moon didn’t shine is because we were graciously blanketed with a foot of snow. It was so beautiful and peaceful. And by the end of the night/year I was pleasantly surprised with another guy asking me for my number. Not exactly how I was expecting to ring in the New Year, but it seems like there is always an upside.



But I’m going to be better this year about not just pulling the old Pollyanna routine. It’s good to look on the bright side of things. Give me some crappy situation and I can find the silver lining. But that only gets you so far. Don’t get me wrong, the glass will still be half full for me but I’m going to make sure I like what’s in the glass too. I remember this old quote that struck me back in my college years, “Life is what happens while you’re waiting for the train.” It was written by a colleague of mine on the newspaper staff. And seems more relevant these days, while I literally stand at my subway stop waiting for trains. I think I pursue certain things but let other things come to me. There are benefits to both ways. I’m not sure there is a right or wrong way. But this year I’m going to mix it up some. I’m going to pay attention while waiting for my trains now. And on the very first day of the very first month of this year, I had a great day of just doing a lot of nothing. Not sticking to my plan and aforementioned list (from the previous posting). Instead I hung out with some girlfriends (one who was one of the few remaining singletons I know) and we dissected the mysterious world of boys and dating and finding a good guy. It was so helpful. Especially hearing my inner voices that second guess stuff being voiced by someone else who is experiencing the same things. It really isn’t me, it’s the situation. Dating sucks. Boys can suck. You can be an awesome person but in the end you still get the short end of the stick. But this time I’m going out and looking for a longer stick.



And I haven’t found the stick yet, but this week just fell into place. It goes to show you that mindset has power. When I woke up Monday, my week was empty. By mid-day Tuesday (today), it was full (still have to firm up two things). Crazy isn’t it? That’s less than 48 hours. I pursued some of it and got invited to two things randomly which was a bit unusual. I’m so proud of myself, I have to list it:



T: Music in Central Sq. w/ D. Can boys be wingmen for girls?

W: previous commitment, not boy related

Th: Drinks in Porter Sq. w/ A. First date and he’s f-u-n-n-y.

F: Drinks/dinner in JP w/ friends.

S: Drinks in Davis Sq. w/ E. First date. He’s Canadian.

Su: Drinks in Boston. On the prowl w/ my gal friends. Who knew it’s better to go to lounges to pick up boys and not bars. I didn’t even know they existed.



That’s five nights of opportunity there. A pretty good list to start off the year. Speaking of lists. I’m back to not writing them anymore. The “to do” type at least. I was right before. Lists and procrastinators susceptible (wow I really didn’t know how to spell or, to get the root of the issue, say that word) to guilt just don’t mix. Guess how many things I got done on my list. Yup – zero. But I have something more to add. I surprised myself this year and made a New Year’s resolution. We were going around and sharing them Friday night. I said I didn’t make them anymore. But later in the night when asked again, out popped “I’m going to learn how to play the guitar”. Surprise! Granted, half the night was spent enjoying live music and there was a roomful of guitar players. I’ve been starting to listen to lyrics more these days and have wanted to play particular songs. I’d love to be able to play Naked by Ben Lee. I just stumbled upon it in the movie Rage in Placid Lake. Which I recommend if you like quirky indie films from down under.
Right now, I’m listening to a local band, Thick as Thieves whose lyrics pretty much sum it up for me: “here’s to waking up on a Sunday morning and pull your head out of the ground.” So that’s me right now.



In case you haven't figured it out, I was trying to post this last night but ran out of time.