First month

I finished my fourth week last week. It's amazing how fast time is flying and yet so much still to learn. I do feel like I'm slowly finding my rhythm and I'm not in discordance with the rhythm at work. I have my systems down now for my security card and subway card and commuting. 

I'm still getting used to working at a place that is so well known. Nick had made a comment a few years back about the tour buses of tourists. I saw them but didn't really experience them too much. But now. O - M - G. They bus in tourists, mostly from Asia by the big bus full. There are groups just meandering around taking pictures and getting in my way as I run across town to get to a meeting. Not really a big deal and if anything it reminds me to slow down and enjoy the backdrop of my work. 

Also, I'm happy to report, I gave myself two weeks breather from the gym and then it turned into three weeks and I had barely gone. But I was jumping into a lot of new stuff with work. So I revised and gave myself a month and I succeeded!  So far. Last week I worked it into my routine to get to the gym Tuesday and Thursday morning, come back shower, get ready and still leave by 7 am. And Saturday morning I was good and made it into the gym for the 7:30 tai chi class. Only it had been canceled last minute so I worked on my core. Then this last weekend I visited dad for Father's Day and we went hiking Saturday and canoeing Sunday. And man could I feel my core muscles both days. I had wanted to switch to Monday Wednesday and Friday for gym days but my tummy was still sore this morning so one more week of Tuesday and Thursday. But not bad meeting my goal of hitting the gym three times a week. Now I just need to keep it up. But I'll write here, in the hopes future me reads this again, I had a much better week last week and I think in part I was mentally stronger from my workouts. There's something that happens when you have a decent work out that sends the right chemicals to the right parts of the brain. 

Well, another thing I've worked on is making sure I get a good nights sleep and it's getting late so I'll sign off. It is nice to report my status as it helps motivate me to go that extra little bit which helps make the new habits. So thank you all for being my supportive accountability network. 

First Pay Check

I have to write a quick post about how nice it was yesterday when I swung by the atm to withdrawal my monthly spending budget. And seeing the balance... It was so nice to see that my first paycheck had been deposited and my account was back into that nice place. That place where I don't have to worry about money.  Something that is easy to take for granted after awhile when things are going well. Although it was stressful at the end of my Sabatical, worrying about money, I was always reminding myself how lucky I am. Not only do I have the safety net of immediate family, I have the safety net of extended family. Something many of my friends have neither of. Even so, one hates depending on others and asking for help. 

One thing I found interesting near the end, was when I was in the most need, it was the hardest to accept the generosity of others. Whereas, when I'm doing well, it's easier to accept the generosity. I guess it makes sense, because you feel like you're coming from a place of powerlessness. And it's harder to think you can reciprocate the generosity down the road. 

Looking back in my life, I've had these dips and peaks of cash flow as I went from working to grad school to working to time off. Although no one wants dips in cash flow, I found it was a useful way to recenter my spending and be more responsible with my middle class lifestyle. So many people experience what I momentarily experience, for their whole life and never get into that comfortable middle class living. 

I went through quite a few exercises over the last two years when it came to money and my spending. I tracked everything and one thing that opened my eyes was doing a six month review. I went back through my "miscellaneous" category (doesnt include groceries, car, cats, utilities and mortgage) and reviewed the spending. I divided things into three categories: necessities (like toothpaste), wanted and would buy again, wanted and wouldn't buy again. The necessities were about a quarter of my miscellaneous spending and interestingly, the things I wanted but didn't really need, over half I wouldn't have bought again. I started looking at why I bought the things in the first place and it helped me understand bad habits, the psychology wrapped up in "retail therapy" (which is not true - buying doesn't solve your issues), and how to shop smarter (some things turned out to be bad quality - I'd buy something similar again, but better quality). 

As a result of this exercise, I find I shop way less and when I have the urge to go shopping or to buy something I reflect on the why and if I can do without. I still make shopping snafus, but I learn from each mistake instead of holding on and ignoring the underlying issue. I've woken up to the way the media tries to sell us wants in the forms of needs. I used to love magazines but now I realize they are almost 100% advertisements to get us to buy stuff. Like this tool will make your life easier, or you're not a responsible home owner if you don't do this. It's even in the YouTube videos I watch and Netflix shows. 

But I'm growing learning. For example, I had a coupon for DSW and I need two types of shoes. I went to the store yesterday and found some decent options. It was quite a drive to the store and my old self would have made something work and not left empty handed. This time, I left without buying anything and learned that DSW hasn't really been a place I've found any good shoes in the last few years and maybe I need to identify other options that suit my needs better. I left the coupon on the shelf for someone else to use. 

One big thing that helps is having a bigger goal. A gift to my future self. The less I waste money now, the more comfortable I'll be later in life. For example, most of my coworkers drive to work because of where the office is, but the parking pass is several thousand dollars a year. Although it's a pain to get to work, I think, I'm "young" and can handle it now. I'll wait and buy the parking pass later when I don't have the luxury of being able to bike, etc. it's my gift to my future self. 

Which brings me to my final point. My take away from my time off is that I learned I really value my independence.  My goal is in seven years, I'll be in a position to retire. I don't want to retire, but I want to have paid off my mortgage and saved up enough to have the option. This means reshifting my thinking and looking at the bigger picture. Now the trick is to not fall in a world of frugality where you don't enjoy the here and now. But often the experiences are better than the stuff. And experiences can be free or inexpensive. It also means looking at diversification of income. I like to teach and am positioned to do that now. As I explore my new role I'm formulating an idea for a class that I hope will be something new, not in the market and aligns with my purpose of transforming the market. A nice win win. I learned from my last go around not to exclusively throw myself into my job but to have balance. 

Well, not such a quick post, but a good reminder that it's always good to step back and recenter your ways. I guess that means I'm going to start embracing New Years resolutions more as its a good place to refocus the habits. 

Power of a Piggy Back

I've read and tried the concept of piggy backing a new habit onto an existing habit. The underlying principle is it's easier to add to an existing routine than trying to start a new thing from scratch. Last year I had tried to expand my night time routine to include flossing and washing my face every night. So as I was brushing my teeth I would just add a few extra steps to incorporate these new habits I wanted to form. I forget how long I worked on it, let's say a month, and it didn't stick. 

Interestingly, I found myself pulling from the parenting playbook. I'd be brushing my teeth and wanting to skip the rest and just go to bed. But I reasoned with myself that I had to do at least one new thing, but I could choose: floss or face. Interestingly this worked quite well and I fairly consistently chose flossing. Mainly because it was faster and less messy. I think I didn't succeed because I just didn't stick with it long enough. Thy say it takes over 60 days of practice to create the rewriting in your brain for the habit to stick. 

Well, fast forward to now, and I'm wanting to wash my face on a regular basis. I stepped back, took a look at why it didn't work before and readjusted. And I have high hopes for try number two. I think my problem was I was trying to piggy back onto the last habit of my day when I am at my lowest energy. I'm still having to work hard just to make sure I do brush my teeth before bed let alone adding anything else. And I realized my night time routine is more spread out over the evening. I need to piggy back new habits onto the front end of my evening routine where possible. So today, when I came home and the first thing I do is change out of my work clothes (keeps cat hair to a minimum) into my pajamas, I took an extra step and washed my face, and applied moisturizer. It barely took any time, wasn't that onerous, and felt good I accomplished it. I feel like this could be the start of a good thing. Now I just need to look at other things I'm doing on a regular basis and add to them the stuff I want to accomplish. 

Future Self Gift Recap

Ok, after my last post about thinking about my future self, I started off strong and petered out. 

Monday evening.  I pulled out an extra toilet paper for next morning when used up roll.  Small but put a smile on my face the next day that I was thoughtful. It was kind of like my partner did a thoughtful gesture, but it was me being nice to me. 

Tuesday morning. Clean and tidy house to come home to. This was a big gift. At the end of the day I'm tired and I focus on essentials. In the morning I quickly tidied up, including putting away projects I was half done but had been laying out, unfinished for more than three days. Quick sweep of all the cat fur, and quick swipe of bathroom surfaces. And what a great gift to come home to. 

Wednesday evening. I feel like I've dropped the ball a bunch by Wednesday and my future self is picking up a lot of slack. I meant to cook some batch meals after work but sat down to rest and never got back up. As the night was coming to the end and I was exhausted, I was looking for something quick and easy I could do for my future self and realize, back to basics, I picked out tomorrows outfit, head to toe. 

Thursday and Friday I didn't consciously think of anything to do. But I've learned it takes time to adapt a new habit. So I'm practicing and learning how to rewire that part of my brain, I small step at a time. This weekend, I've been focusing on queuing up things for next week. I made a bunch of meals for next week. And I've been working a master outfit plan to keep getting dressed simple. And of course, the greatest gift is not doing too much and letting myself recharge. 

My biggest take away from this exercise was to do a combination of big and small. The small things were pleasant surprises. And at the same time it was important to step back and think what would I really appreciate. It wasn't about getting "things" done because the "things" list is never ending. It was more what would I remember and appreciate. It's kind of like Christmas/birthday gifts. There's always a long list of things that would be nice to get, but then fade into obscurity, but what are the gifts that last over time. This weeke I've really been appreciating what my weekend self did, even though I didn't even get to half of the things. But I chose well and focused on the ones that had the biggest impact. 

Gift to Future Self Exercise

Yesterday, I caught up with an old coworker who works in a different department. We hadn't seen each other for several years and caught up over lunch. One thing that we stumbled upon was a shared interest in self-improvement. We were both sharing how we had discovered what works best for us over time. Knowing your nature and working with it and not trying to work against it. 

I shared how I had found the conscious act of reframing things really helped. And that the more you actively do this the better you get at it and as a result are less stressed and for me personally, since I'm very empathetic and pick up other people's energy easily, I could make sure I was only absorbing positive stuff and letting the negative slide right off. 

We both had grown into being more realistic with our own personal expectations. Instead of trying to get a hundred things done in a day, really just focus on a few items and be more realistic about how long things take. Basically managing expectations...of our own selves. 

I've been pretty happy about what I expect I will be able to do each day. I'm a lot less demanding then I was a few years ago and don't have as unrealistic expectations of myself. I have to remind myself as I ramp up at work, what I can do in a day and how long things take. And on the home side, I just remind myself, "focus on the fundamentals". The core stuff is basically making sure I eat healthy and am presentable for work. I have a long running list of things to get done and I constantly ask myself if it's essential, or just nice to have done. The core stuff is pretty minimal and the "it would be nice" stuff I try to keep track of deadlines and no deadline stuff and some things just don't get done or get missed and it's ok. I also ask myself if it will improve my quality of life overall. So watching tv, not so much, but playing with the cats - yes. It helps me to keep the energy supply in the positive. 

Out of this, last night I was reminded of something I had learned awhile back. Thinking of doing stuff for your future self. When you postpone something until later because you think you will have more time or energy, you are piling it onto your future self and on the flip side, anything you can do in the moment, ahead of schedule, is a gift to your future self. 

Yesterday I was yawning all day, probably because of the rain, but also I was wiped out when I got home. I was tempted to just curl up in bed and hunker down for the evening. But instead, I did two chores I wasn't intending to do that evening which only took a half hour.  Getting them done ahead of when I had anticipated gave me a little surge of energy which in turn helped me make a good dinner. And then, I kept the idea of gifts to my future self in mind and just before bed, I had gone to the bathroom and noticed the paper roll was getting low and pulled out a new one before I went to bed. Something I could have easily skipped since I was tired and could put off until tomorrow. But it was so nice this morning not to have to deal with this minor issue. It was a like a gift from yesterday me. 

So, this week I'm going to try to keep an eye out for a little gift each day I can give my future self.  One act per day, five total.  And I'll try to report back. 

Second Week of Work

First, sad news is that I'm not sure how often I'll blog. I used to do most of my blogging during my commute while sitting on the bus. But have found that the app is no longer supported in the newer phones. I'm still trying to figure out an alternative way to still post but haven't found anything super simple. 

Secondly, I don't want to post about specifics of work here since it's in the public world. I'll just say that week one I was super excited about all the possibility of what I could do to effect change. And week two, the flood of work has descended and I'm getting introduced to the culure and ways of the place. Basically I have an uphill battle that will be slow going, but I'm still optimistic. 

One thing that I'm struggling with is getting into the new flow of things both my own personal flow (I forgot my ID card at the office one day since I don't have my new routines down yet) and the flow of the bigger institution. I feel very misaligned at the moment. In part because when I left my last job, I was smooth sailing with all the people and systems. I knew what to expect (generally), how to maneuver, had a short hand developed with staff and colleagues, communication was good. But I keep reminding myself that I didn't start off like that. I had to put in the work to figure things out, build up trust, develop relationships, and grow my reputation. And it doesn't happen overnight. 

Actually, it dawned on me last night when I was on my way home, that my living situation is very similar. I had a great relationship with my old neighbors and have been spending this last year adjusting to a new neighbor. Again, I'd remind myself that in our first few years, my old neighbors and I were not very friendly and it was something built over time. So in a way, very parallel.  I just want to jump to the good part but need to keep reminding myself it takes time and work. 

However, I'm pleasantly surprised to see some of the personal development work I did during my Sabatical paying off.  When I left my last job I had made a list of all the things I wanted to do and figure out. And near the top of the list was address the "nothing to wear" and "nothing to eat" dilemmas I would often face. On the outfit side, I was golden straight off the start. I feel put together and good and it takes me barely any time each morning to get dressed.  Versus, constantly trying to figure out what to wear and going through multiple iterations in the morning. It started with my decluttering journey and then I added a little planning. The key is to not require yourself to be creative every day but have scheduled working sessions when your creative juices flow the best. 

On the food side, the first week wasn't good and I slipped back into old habits due to convienence.  But my body was crying out for the good stuff way more than the earlier days. So I took advantage of the long weekend, had one day where I popped up to Maine to visit friends, one day of doing absolutely nothing - just napping and vegging, and one day of prepping for the week. Batch cooking on the weekds is key and having quick and easy dinners ready to go. This week has been a huge success on the food front. And all my experimenting and tracking recipes these last two years paid off. I still have some work to do but feel like I have a good working system. And can I just add, I've had hamburgers this week which is rare for me since I usually stay away from beef that I don't know the source (hormone injections and breast cancer link). But in my meat CSA share last month, I got hamburger patties so instead of chopping them up into ground beef, I bought some nice hamburger buns and OMG, they were so good. 

The surprise part is seeing some of the things I was working on turned into habits. I didn't realize I had gotten that far. For example, I'm decluttering as I go at work so anything that crosses my desk I'm not just filing away but really figuring out if I need, including email. I used to keep everything since I was good at organizing but then I was faced with the daunting task of sorting through it all these last two years and I'm still not done (papers and digital files/emails). It's amazing when you have a mindset shift and it adjusts your approach to things. 

The other thing I do is reset each day - both at work and home. I spend a few extra minutes tidying up and putting everything away for the next day and in some cases wrapping up tasks or leaving myself next steps notes. I'm not holding as much stuff in my head and so I'm not forgetting as much and I'm feeling calmer and less stressed. Also, I think, spending so much time figuring out what I wanted to focus on career wise and what was important got me to look at the macro and not always focus on the micro. So as I'm getting inandated with information and ideas and projects, I'm comfortable seeing it in the big picture and prioritizing some items, parking others and not being spread too thin and feeling overwhelmed trying to do everything.

So overall, a successful transition from a life of leisure back into the workforce and I'm happy to see my time off was well worth it. I still have a few more things I need to figure out.  I went to the gym once this week and want to make sure I keep up my cardio, strengthening and stretching work. I'm walking ridicululous amounts each day since my office is in the outskirts and it's a 10-15 minute walk to meetings. Yesterday I was so worn out because I had three separate trips for meetings which means a total of four round trips (including my commute) walking in hot and humid weather.  I need to figure out how to tackle this challenge - it just eats up so much of your time. Plus the sun is not my friend. 

I also want to get back into the garden as I found it restorative gardening and the weeds are taking over again. I've learned you just have to diligently work on little bits to keep things in check. I was planning on gardening a bit last night, but I think all the walking wore me out and the sun drained my inclination to be outside. 

But I'm not expecting everything to fall in place immediately. And figured I'd work on integrating my workout and gardening routine over the first month of my transition back to work. Well, must run as this is eating into my morning routine. And one thing I've been trying to readjust is playtime with the cats so they aren't neglected. It's a bit humid at the moment so we'll see how much activity they will muster.