Reintroduction

Well, nothing much to report on findings. I kind of messed up my eating on Sunday. I went orienteering Sunday and had a big breakfast before I left, which I think might have been too big, since ten minutes into the race, I wasn't feeling well, and had to take a breather. I think part of it was because everyone started off running and I did too, but the way I went include a long steep hill. Oh, and did I mention it was hot.  I don't know how people jog in the summer. Basically I think I overheated. I did the rest of the course walking and was good. 

But afterwards, there was a BBQ and I just wasn't hungry, so didn't grab my packed lunch from the car. By the time I left it was after 4 and I did feel hungrish and ate a bit of my rice meal before hitting up the ikea nearby. Btw, I was good and only bought two things not on my shopping list. One being these awesome potting plants they discontinued. I bought a bunch years ago and have been checking for more every visit since. This time I saw one on display upstairs, so looked in the gardening department. No luck, so I asked this fellow that was restocking (I had taken a picture of the display one). Talk about luck, he was restocking several that someone had returned. Except there weren't any on the shelves, these seemed to be the only ones on sale in the whole store. I took them all and was so excited. 

Anyways, by the time I got home, it was late and I had a quick bite to eat. And then Monday I was tired. But I think it was from all the stuff from Sunday so I couldn't really tell the effect of the rice. So I finished my lunch from Sunday on Monday. And still I can't tell. Oh, and did I mention it's now hot... and humid. Ugh. It's just slowed me down and I don't have much of an appetite. Which is normal - heat and humidity always effect me like this. That's why I love winter and don't fully get the summer obsession of my friends. Plus I'm not spending big chunks of my day in AC. 

The thing I'm finding with switching my main food staples, is that for the last few weeks, I don't have a loud "I'm hungry" stomache.  It's not that I'm not hungry, it's just hard to hear. And even with this heat, I find I'll make myself fix a meal at mealtime even though I'm not feeiling hungry, and then I gobble it all down and find I was hungry and didn't realize. Not a big deal, since the point is to eat three meals on a regular schedule, so it's not like I need respond to the stomache but it does help motivate you to get into the kitchen. 

I did have some fresh peas yesterday, my first legumes, and not really part of the reintroduction plan. But they were at my market and I love shucking sweet peas, and they are soo good uncooked and fresh. I'm basically bagging the reintroduction for right now, since I'll be introducing a lot of non meat and vegetables when I travel for the fourth. I'll try to keep eating mostly meat and veggies but will wait when I come back, zero out again and then retry foods. Not sure what I'll do about the heat factor. 

I've not really had any sugar - no sweets. The only sugar is the caramel coloring in my balsamic vinegar. I did have a dream last night that I ate a slice of coffee cake, and not the special wonderful kind, but some store bought, mass produced, off the shelf kind. And I was conscious in the dream that it wasn't that great.  Interesting. 

So the plan, keep sugar intake to a minimum, of only quality, special goodies. And try the reintroduction period again in a few weeks. 

Whole30 I made it to Day 30

I did it!  I made it through all thirty days. Yesterday I went to the BBQ I mentioned before. Lots of temptation and I didn't really set myself up well. I wasn't super hungry these last few days, so lunch time yesterday I was in the middle of a project and kept putting off eating. Until I was scrambling getting ready to run out the door. I ate a few strips of steak and a banana on the go. I wasn't super full but figured I could eat stuff at the BBQ. 

Except the spread was all desserts and pasta salads and other stuff. The only items that were compliant were fruit platters and hamburgers from the grill. The first few had cheese on them, but then a bunch came out that were plain. I had thought there would be some veggies.  None, there was maybe one pasta dish that a tiny amount of tomatoes. But not a single green vegetable, solo or in a dish. Isn't that crazy. 

It was nice being able to talk about the Whole30 with a few people. I ended up talking with the girlfriend of my friends brother for quite awhile about it. She just was diagnosed with super low iron. Her energy levels had dropped so low she had trouble walking a block with out becoming winded. And now that she was on iron supplements, it was like night and day.  We talked about how the energy levels just slowly dropped over time, and you end up just pushing through and attributing it to life - stress and getting old. But now that things have shifted, you are just so appreciative of the new energy.  The whole time we were talking, I kept thinking "don't blow it".  Her boyfriend (my friends brother), is going to ask her to marry her this weekend, but it hadn't happened yet.  And I didn't want to be the one to let the cat out of the bag. I was good though, so she didn't suspect anything from me.   

When it came to the sugar, I did take a look at the cookies and cupcakes and other sweets. And although I wanted to try some, it was more of that absent minded eating, except I was conscious of it. I was happy to see they hadn't set up the cotton candy machine. I think I mentioned in a previous post, a year back or so, how they ended up buying a cotton candy machine which got me thinking about buying my own.  There's nothing more heavenly then maple syrup cotton candy. Something I discovered when I moved to New England, which is made with Indian sugar, basically crystallized syrup. And I could eat it everyday. I ended up not buying a machine, I was good. 

They did have their snow cone machine out, and Maggie really wanted to make me a snow cone since she was manning it. I asked for a plain one. She was like, what is a plain one?  And I explained it was just ice.  She ran off, and came back with two plain ones - one for me and one for her. So all good. 

Then a few hours in, out it came, the cotton handy machine and everyone has these humongous cotton balls. Blue and pink clouds were floating around everywhere. They were sitting next to me and being offered up. Part of me wanted some, out of habit/tradition or whatever you call it. I guess because my brain is like "you love cotton candy, therefore you should eat some right now". But the other part of me really didn't crave any. I think I'm getting this sugar thing out of my system. I really wasn't that tempted that much. It did help they weren't the maple syrup kind, because then I probably would have had some (once I was done with my 30 days of detoxing). But the blue and pink kind just isn't as good anymore. I'm guessing if I was hungry, I would have been weaker. So that's good to keep in mind for future. 

The last bit I have to share was at the end of the night, I was making my rounds saying goodbye.  At one point I was over with some people, who happened to be standing near the cotton candy machine actually. Cameron comes over and sits on the stool, eating something, and picking at the remnants of the crystallized blue sugar in the machine. We're chatting and I mention, "do you know I haven't eaten any sugar for 30 days". His response was "no way, I don't believe you". And I said, "yeah, I wanted to see if I could go without sugar for a month". And he repeats, "no way, I don't believe you". He's staring at me in utter disbelief, trying to figure out if I'm pulling his leg and being my usual self of saying funny, silly things, and this falls in that category or if I really mean it. I still don't know if he believes me but had to laugh that it blew a seven year olds brain, the idea of no sugar, not just for one day but for a whole month. 

I'm off to make breakfast.  I really want my regular, hearty breakfast since I'm going orienteering today, running around in the woods. But, today is the day I start reintroducing foods and testing out their reactions. Today is non-gluten grains. I have to figure out what items to reintroduce. Partly because I have to pack my lunch, since we're having a BBQ after the orienteering. Maybe I'll make a rice dish for lunch. I'll keep you posted. 

Oh and I forgot to report, I weighed myself and I'm down ten pounds. I was starting to wonder if it was all in my head. I was trying on some skirts/pants yesterday I hadn't worn for awhile, trying to figure what to wear, and found them tight to get on - the thighs. So started to wonder.  But nope, lost 10 pounds - probably mostly from the belly. And the thing is I ate a ton of food at each meal this last month. I never went hungry. Which I love. Before all this, I was starting to learn about what calories food had and getting up to speed on all the food nutrition stuff and it was a lot. I really didn't want to keep a food journal counting calories, and portioning my meals but still being hungry, but felt like I needed to do something to keep things in check. Now I have this new way where I just eat as much meat and vegetables as I want and keep an eye on the grains, dairy and sugars.  That seems so much easier. 

Whole30 Day 28

Coming down the home stretch. Only a few days left until I hit the big 3-0. I have gotten adjusted to the new types of meals. And I do feel like I'm eating healthier than ever. One big adjustment is going grocery shopping so often. I should have gone yesterday but was on a role with catching up with my pile of ironing while it was cool and low humid.  I got a ton done.  I broke for lunch and cooked up the sirloin steak. I had a salad with the last of my beet greens and farmers market lettuce and strawberries I picked this last weekend. It was very good and I ended up eating a bigger helping because I didn't want the salad to go to waste. As a result, I wasn't hungry come dinner time and since I didn't really have much in the fridge, I decided to call it a night.  I was full afterall. Probably not a great idea and lesson learned to keep portions on point and not succumb to cleaning my plate and not letting food go to waste. 

The two downsides right now, is one, having to keep the fridge constantly full of fresh produce. Which, after writing it doesn't sound like a bad thing, just annoying. I feel like I'm constantly going to the store and to be honest, yesterday, I just didn't really want to go, yet again. And two, the dreams. I'm waking up with such vivid and tiring dreams. Clearly influenced by what I watched or listened to or read the day before. But no different than what I was exposed to a month before. I guess the brain fog not only lifted during the day but also at night too. 

I think I'm going to start measuring my sleep patterns with my fitbit and see how often the dreams effect my sleeping. And my cats. This morning I was somewhat awake when Webster started trying to subtly wake me up to be fed. Now Winston, back in his day, had no subtliness about him.  The moment I started to come out of a deep sleep he would start to meow and destroy things to get me out of bed. Webster on the other hand, is equally driven but more devious.  This morning I was wake enough to experience him walking over me and pawing at my sheets to get up. I'm starting to think he does this when I'm asleep and don't know he's doing it. So when I am finally waking up, he's all innocent just hanging out by my feet waiting for me to wake up. 

On the upside there are quite a few things. I love not having the brain fog. I can't say I knew I had brain fog before, but when it has lifted you notice it. I don't feel so dulled. I didn't experience tiger blood energy but then again I associate that term with manic energy which honestly isn't that healthy. But I do feel like I have the good kind of energy, I'm not dulled.  I have a nice level of energy. And I realized I do get tired, but that's normal.  You exert yourself, you will get tired.  But now it's from doing stuff and not because I ate breakfast. And of course mental stress can still make you tired. I've only cleared up the physical aspect. But man, it's nice having a healthier body. 

And that leads to the third thing, I feel so much healthier, and I like my body much better now.  I should clarify that I've been lucky and not really dealt with body image issues. I always had a target weight but it was to gain some pounds so people wouldn't make comments and I could blend in. I had a good metabolism after all which let me eat whatever. But middle age hit and I finally got to that target weight after two decades. This was about five years ago. And now, more recently, the number seems to be climbing pretty quickly.  I started to feel like my skin I was in was changing and not reflecting who I was accustomed to. I do want to age gracefully but I felt like this last year I was packing on the pounds pretty quickly and all in the belly/thigh area. I was becoming self conscious in most of my outfits that things were showing off the belly. 

I can't really tell if I lost any inches, but I feel like I did. And that's the important part. I really feel like my belly is normal. It's not flat like my pre-middle age days, but that's normal. I really should have taken some measurements before I started all this. I am curious about my weight, but am sticking to the rules and waiting.  Plus my scale is buried in my closet so it's not that easy to get to. 

I'm really curious to find out what foods are attributed to what improvements. Is it dairy that makes me bloated?  Or is it the sugar that packs on the pounds?  Is it the grains that give me fog brain and effect my energy?  I hope it's not too complicated to figure out. Reading lately, I am so much more aware of sugar and it's effects. I mean, I was brought up in a pretty low sugar family. We didn't get candy or soda except on special occasions and not a ton of desserts. Our meals were home made and not a lot of package foods chock full of sugars. I hated it then but am so appreciative of it now. Shout out to the parents. So I knew sugar wasn't a good thing, but then I think as I grew up, and saw everyone else eating sugar en masse, and found it was socially acceptable, and sooo delicious, why not eat cake for breakfast? But that's the thing.  I didn't eat cake for breakfast. I ate a "normal" amount of sugar, relative to everyone else. And there in lays the trap. 

This has really opened up my eyes to sugar, in case you haven't noticed in all these posts. I never thought I could give up sugar.  I love baked goods and desserts. I thought people were so. Strange when they said they cut sugar out of their diet. Why give it up?  And that's the thing, I have absolutely no intention of giving it up. I'll be darned if I'm not having cake on my birthday. But that's the thing.  Many cultures eat sugar on special occasions, not part of their daily life. When I go to Paris, I'm eating french pasties. And maybe every day I'm there. I'm having sticky buns for Christmas morning - it's tradition. I've had them every christmas since I could eat. 

What I learned is that when you start to get hungry, it's your sweet tooth that activates first. So no more snacks that feed the sweet tooth.  If I'm hungry, I'm eating a meal. And no more eating sweets because they are there. I'm not having that pastry in the bake room that was bought at the corner store and isn't that great, especially compared to the paris version. I'm eating quality sweets.  No store bought crappy birthday cakes. Only quality stuff. And last but not least, I'm not eating secret sugar. Sugar that is sneaked into food to make it taste better by the food manufacturers. This is not an absolute because frankly I'm finding it impossible to find food that is sugar free. Like mustard, I think my mustard had sugar in it so I had to box it up. Why does mustard need sugar?  But I'm going to be a lot more conscious of it, which leads to me to my plan for next month. 

I'm going to start a sugar journal. Nothing fancy, just keeping track of what foods I eat that have sugar each day and approximately how much. I feel like I've been learning how not to eat sugar on sugars terms, but on my terms. Not to eat a dessert because my sweet tooth is telling me to or out of habit, but because I want the dish regardless of the sugar. Plus I feel like I'm still on the rocky road to recovery and this will help lessen my likelihood of falling off the wagon.   Oh, and I really don't think I'll be adding back into my diet, drinking liquid sugar. So many of my drinks had sugar and in such high doses. Ive been a little lax on my daily water intake, but I find I don't miss the juices that much.  I did almost have lemonade last weekend.  After we finished the course at the orienteering event, I went to get some water and noticed they had a cooler of lemonade too. Out of habit I almost reached for it. But you know what, water was so much better then when I was thirsty. And there is no question water is good for you. So more water drinking!

Whole30 Day 25

I'm at that point in this whole thing where I am figuring out what day I am by counting backwards. I'm pretty close to 30 days. Saturday will be my last day.  This weekend I was up in NH visiting family and everything went well. I think the only lapse was a little bit of butter that some fish was cooked in. I didn't notice any effects. Also, we had grilled chicken one night and it smelt so good.  My pieces were sans BBQ sauce, but seemed to be infused with the smell from the surrounding BBQ pieces. The only no-no ingredient was sugar - there were four different kinds of sugar in the sauce. 

I ended up packing my breakfast and bringing it up (sweet potato hash and sausage) and just boiling some soft boiled eggs. I did notice that my appetite for breakfast really dropped. I had trouble finishing what I normally ate and gave away my second egg to dad one morning. Not sure if I'm just tired of the meal or the different environment of eating breakfast or what. We did go grocery shopping Friday so I picked up a bunch of veggies for a salad and some chicken breasts. This worked for my lunch over the days. 

We went orienteering on Sunday, and ended around 12:30, so swung by the general store for subs. I really was not that hungry and frankly was not tempted by the food. Although, by the time I got home I did find I was hungry. My hunger sneaks up on me more now. 

All in all very good and couldn't have done it without Barbro who payed special attention to ingredients when fixing the three dinners. It was so nice not to have to cook for myself. When you only eat veggies and meat for all three meals, it sure seems like you are cooking a lot more. No quick sandwiches or quick breakfast cereals. 

I just got an email from my Aunt Sue in Texas coordinating things for our upcoming visit.  It's right in the middle of the reintroduction period. I went back and forth and decided I'm going to focus on keeping dairy out of my diet during that trip. I'll have two cycles before I go, where I can introduce non-gluten grains and then recover for a few days and then introduce gluten and recover before I get on the plane. And if I need to I can just spend some extra time back home, after the visit, resetting my system before I continue with the reintroduction period. 

The trick will be the darn sugar dragon. I was good and didn't have dessert this weekend. We had picked fresh strawberries and were having strawberry shortcake on the type of pound cakes I always loved as a kid. But after dinner I asked myself, and found that I really wasn't hungry, so wasn't even tempted to have even a plate of strawberries. However, I'm not sure how good I'll be around baked goods over the Fourth of July weekend. Hopefully it's crappy, cheap looking sweets.  Doubt it though. 

I do feel like 30 days seems to have been a good length for my body to adjust to all the foods but one - the sugar.  I still think I need more time off of sugar to severe the ties. I keep fantasizing of eating some sweet en masse. I've really fixated on chocolate mouse lately. I haven't had that in years. Today it was a pint of ice cream. Again, this is out of learned behavior. I always eat yogurt, ice cream or sorbet when it's hot. And it was hot today.  I think it's because it cools me down. But really, how long does it cool you down for?  This afternoon I almost had a snack, but held off, even though it was compliant.  Again, I realized I wanted to eat something, but it wasn't because I was hungry. I was just jonesing for something a little sweet. 

I did find I was more tired this weekend. I think it could have been the change in activity. I was being a lot more social than I've been lately and was outside a lot more. And I wasn't the only one who was tired. I do wish I got this tiger blood thing and always had endless energy. I am happy my energy levels are a lot more leveled out now. Although today, I did find myself really tired this morning. I had to force myself to make breakfast before it got too late. Maybe I need to find a second breakfast option. But I think I was tired this morning from the heat and the visit. Let's see how tomorrow goes. Nicks spending the night before he flies out tomorrow so that will give me more structure to the day. 

Whole30 Day 21

I do feel like my body has fully adjusted to this new food regime. And it's my mental side that is now adjusting. When it comes to dairy, legumes, or grain, I don't find that I'm missing any of it taste wise. I still think I "should" have a certain food, but it's more due to habit or culture. For instance, I was cooking ground beef last night, and as I was trying to decide if I should make yet another hamburger. I was thinking I should have a bun and slap on some cheese. But the cheese is because that was how I always took my hamburger in the past, as a topping, and I'm ok without. Actually I didn't realize how much I used cheese as a topping just out of habit. I'd always have cheddar, and feta or blue cheese or goat cheese stocked, so would always crumble/grate cheese on top of my salads and even my cooked dishes. Just because.  That's how I would to finish the dish. But it was really just for that little extra saltiness. I rarely would use salt and pepper at the dinner table. So now I just season with salt and pepper. 

And when it comes to the hamburger bun, again, this was just habit. I mean that's how you eat hamburgers right? You pick them up and eat them with a bun. I think I mostly miss the grains for the quick fill they provided. I feel like I am still figuring out my portions. I usually plate up my meal and that's it, no seconds. But now I'm not sure how much to plate. And I find if I'm cooking my vegetables, I need to eat a bigger portion. Although, there's nothing like raw vegetables to fill you up. I had a spinach salad last night and if I had cooked up the food first, I would have needed to eat at least three times more.  But since I was eating it raw, a portion went farther. Strange that. And I did remember that often, I wasn't wild about hamburger buns. Often just cheap white bread which was nothing to write home about. And often the meat to bread ratio was off with too much bread. 

I do find I miss the grains if only for their simplicity. I'm having to go grocery shopping a lot more often and of course it's more expensive to buy meat and fresh produce than rice or bread. I was going to say grains are also easier to cook, but I'm taking that back. I still am getting used to my meals coming together quicker than before. It doesn't take that long to cook the meat and veggies compared to whole grains. And the prep time isn't that much. Although there is a lot more to clean up it seems. 

Up until yesterday, it's been nice and cool weather which has been making things easy - made it a non-issue to be in the kitchen. I think I'm going to have to start bulk cooking more - in the cool mornings, so I can just zap things or eat a cold meal. Know thyself. 

I do still have a hankering for the sweet.  I sometimes find myself half thinking of bing eating some kind of dessert. Kind of like "when I get out of this joint, I'm buying myself a cake and eating the whole thing in one sitting". Which I know I won't do but again the sweet tooth is putting up a fight. I think it's mainly because up until now I've been protecting myself, and not putting myself in situations where there is easy access to sweets and a social expectation. But I have two social events coming up - heading up to NH for Father's Day and a big BBQ next week. This weekend it's more about just watching the ingredient list.  I'm still amazed how sugar sneaks into dishes. I've offered to cook a meal or two which will help, except I need to figure out what to make. Up until now, I've not been making anything fancy - just cooking up the food - no combinations or seasonings. Like I'll have cooked chicken, cooked cauliflower and cooked spinach and just top with salt and pepper. Anyways, it's family so they are understanding and it should be fine. I'm just really want to make it the full 30 days without sugar. 

Oh - I did consume a tiny amount of non-compliant food the other day - sunflower oil. I had some bottled roasted red peppers in the pantry. I was getting low on ingredients to consume. Sunflower oil sounds healthy, but I guess it isn't that wholesome. Something about processing the oil from the seeds. It was just what the peppers were bottled in along with water so a small amount. I think I'm fine and didn't really notice any effect. 

I'm not sure if my sleeping has leveled out yet. I'm having no trouble going to sleep but the dreaming. I wake up each morning aware that I had a lot of dreams. And not always light and happy dreams. I know it's a way for the brain to work through things so maybe that's what that is. I rarely remember them but do remember I had them. As a result I do feel like I am as rested. I don't necessarily feel like I need a mid-day nap but do go to bed early. I've been trying to get into the habit of brushing my teeth after dinner. Instead of waiting until just before bed. Just before bed for means I'm tired and want to go bed.  And don't want to spend time flossing or washing my face or any of it. Know thyself, so I pushed up my bedtime routine so I can get it all done and done well. But then I have the association of getting ready for bed and then going to sleep. So I'll feel tired earlier than I'm really tired I think. But since I don't have the "maybe I'll have dessert later", I can do all that at 7 or 8. It's a new pattern I'm trying. We'll see how it goes. 

I do feel like I'm at a good ground zero (other them the sugar cravings).  I was thinking about my energy the other day and I have to admit I have tons more energy than I did a month ago. I think I was expecting a sudden change and going into a manic level of energy. Which sounds bad to have actually. I guess that is what I associated with the term tiger blood. Instead, I have a nice steady, relatively high level of energy.  It kind of snuck up on me. 

I'm not getting as much done because of mental stuff. I do this thing where I have to get x and y done before I can do other stuff. But if I'm stuck and don't want to do x or y, I just don't do anything. Because, I have to do those first. It's somewhat paralizying. For me, I'm needing to finish up some projects before my garage sale, so I can figure out what to let go of.  This translates to one, my dining room taken over with frames and art and supplies to mat and hang - about twenty items, big and small. I've been chipping away, but sometimes, it's not quite right, and I take a break to figure out what to do, and then get stuck. Perftionism and indescision. I finally checked out something to listen to while I work - a book on tape from my online library and barreled through.  So,e pieces look great, others, not quite. But I figure, up they go and I can upgrade them later once I'm all done. And cycle back. 

Two, my living room is taken over with four big bins of stuff. And several boxes. Half of it is all my fabric and stuffing and sewing supplies. I have too much fabric and need to get rid of some. I figured I'd just map out my sewing projects (ie, use this fabric to make pillows for the bench), and off load the rest in the garage sale. But this also means figuring out color schemes for my rooms. My bedroom is good - I love the paint color, but I'm still trying to figure out colors for my back room and middle room. And that means I'm going around in circles. I bought the fabric for projects that have since morphed or I changed my mind, but I still like the fabric. I just don't know where to use it. And so I have a lot of fabric that is a "maybe one day" which is not the Marie Kondo way. I was good at the beginning of the year, honing my skill of deciding what to keep, but realized I'd fallen back into my old ways. As I was looking for a book on tape to listen to, I saw I could also check out Kondos second book so have been reading that which is a good reinforcement of the healthier way of thinking. 

The other bunch of bins and boxes are from when I did the tidying up and going through everything a few months back. These were the maybe stuff that I had trouble letting go of, but didn't spark a ton of joy. Or they were things I decided to let go of, but wanted to photograph. Like sentimental items from my past or knitting books that I wanted to scan one pattern. I just need to buckle down and go through them all and be done. That's why I put them in the middle of my living room. But as a result it's an eyesore. Writing about all this is energizing me to finally just get it done. 

And that's the nice thing, I have the energy.  The energy to stay with a project until it's done and hopefully the energy to push through the mental blocks. It's hard to push forward when you have low physical energy on top of mental energy being zapped.  

I've been meaning to write up some notes and realizations I had from when I was first going through all my stuff with the Marie Kondo method. I should hunt up the notes and share them.  That would also help me get my thinking back on track. Habits die hard I'm finding. You can't change things over night.  Practice. 

Whole30 Day 18

I almost messed up is morning. So close and then I came out clean. I've been having exactly the same breakfast every morning - soft boiled eggs, sweet potatoes, sautéed onions, peppers spinach or beet greens and breakfast sausage. It's been good.  No complaints but this morning, since I was out of breakfast sausage I thought, since if be cooking up my meat share breakfast patties that I'd fry my eggs. I was getting breakfast ready, had cut open the patties when I thought I should triple check the ingredient list again. Some herbs, peppers, salt and at the end dextrose. I hadn't really noticed it before, partly because I realize I skim the ingredient list and if it generally looks good and I know the ingedients, than I should be good. Did I research dextrose before and found it ok?  I figured Id check again before I threw the patty on the pan.  And guess what, dextrose is a sugar. What?  Why is there sugar in my breakfast pattie. Bugger. I put the patties in a freezer bag and popped them back into the freezer. 

I do admit to thinking about it for a few minutes. I mean it's at the end of the list and I'm sure it would be just a tiny amount.  But in hone end I really like the idea of saying I did not have any added sugar for 30 days. I have to figure out how to say that better since fruits and vegetables have natural sugars. 

Speaking of which, when I was picking up produce yesterday, I seriously considered buying some bing cherries and another cantelope and maybe some plums that looked so good. But then I realized I wanted the cherries so I could munch on hone between meals. Again, not a bad thing but as I'm committed of trying to break this sugar thing, I need to break the need for sugar snacks, whatever the form. So no fruit other than bananas which I don't think of as sweet and when I do eat them I eat them in monkey ceral which means it's mostly nuts and almond butter and non-sweet ingredients. 

In the end, I'm happy to say I've been sugar free for 18 days.  Actually, I probably should adjust it to something like 15, since I was eating a bit of balsamic vinegar in my dressings those first few days until I found out what was in caramel coloring. I find I'm liking my salads dressed simpler and simpler. I used to love blue cheese dressing growing up and the switched to french balsamic vinegrette I'd buy at the store and then the last five years or so I'd just use olive oil and a splash of vinegar. And now, this month, no vinegar, but I do use a squeeze of lemon or lime. 

I feel like a real european kitchens I nice I always have onions, garlic, lemons/limes and herbs on hand, regardless of what I'm cooking. Because I'll use them up in a week. Before I'd just buy them for recipes since I wouldn't use them that much on the spur. But then again I'm really cooking a ton more. And doing a ton more dishes. As a result my kitchen is almost always tidy. Funny that. I guess because I try not to have a ton of cooking tools, so need to wash things so they are ready for the next meal - like my skillets and knives. 

Now I need to just tackle the rest of my house. I've been making progress on projects - using a garage sale deadline to crank through things I think I might not want/need any more. Like my fabric stash. I'm finishing up framing art this week and then start sewing in a few days, but projects are littering my place. It is nice feeling like I'm making progress. 

Whole30 Day 17

According to the timeline, I'm supposed to be in the 'tiger blood' phase now. I can't say that I feel boundless energy but I do find my energy steadily getting better and better. It's almost hard to appreciate when it's gradual. I think back to when I was a teenager and would get new glasses. I could look out the back window and really see the backyard. I had been able to see the backyard in detail before but then my eyesight gradually got worse, except I didn't know I couldn't really see the backyard anymore. I think I was hoping for that instaneous, 'new glasses and I can see' moment, but rather I'm getting the flip side of gradually losing my eyesight - but in a good way, both for brain fog lifting and energy increasing.

Part of it is that I'm noticing different bits about myself. I'm not just lumping everything into one bucket and saying I'm tired, or hungry, or stressed. I'm noticing if I'm physically tired, or mentally tired or emotionally tired. Like, have I been making a ton of decisions and it's wearing me down and I need a break, or do I feel tired because my energy is low due to physical fuel and I need to eat. 

Talking about eating, I'm really aware of food and my eating habits more now than ever.  I always thought I was on top of my eating, but this has been really eye opening. The last few days, I would get the munchies. Except I wasn't really hungry. I'm still having a little trouble figuring out my hunger signals. So often I'm finding my hunger is really a food craving. I was reading up on this topic on T&M he internet and found that sometimes the munchies come about for several reasons.  For me, the two big ones are procrastination and boredom. Like yesterday, I was making good headway on a project, but got to a hard part where I had to make some decisions. I suddenly wanted to take a break and raid the kitchen. I wasn't hungry for my next meal, I was just procrastinating on figuring out the next step of my project. How crazy is that?  And the other one, boredom, I hate to use the b-word, because I think of boredom as sitting and fiddling your thumbs, not doing anything. I find that sometimes I'm listless in an activity.  I'm engaged but it's not a riveting engagement.  Then my subconscious wanders and comes upon, 'hey, let's take a break and get something to eat.'

Turns out the sweet craving is pretty strong. The more I read about sugar and trying to obstain, the more I read comparisons about smokers and alcoholics (and drug addicts), trying to come clean. It's amazing what sugar does, wiggling into your brain. I still have a subtle sugar craving. Like, I'm good in that I won't get into my car and go buy something. Even when I'm at the store shopping, I'm good about not picking up anything sweet. But I'm not sure how well I'll do if I'm offered something sweet, like at a BBQ. Right now I have the 30 day thing, so I'm staying strong, but what about after?  I'm not so sure. One day at a time. 

And I think I might have messed up a few days back. I've not eaten anything non-compliant, but I do think I ate something the wrong way - my cantelop.  I had cut up my second melon and would have a generous helping with proscito. But I never really ate it as part of my meal. Usually just before or after, which in my head I thought was good enough. But then one afternoon, I got the munchies.  I was in the listless category. And mid-day, between meals I grabbed the bowl of cantelope and started eating it.  Except it was that mindless eating where you enjoy a bite and then next thing you know, you've eaten it all. I'm not saying that cantelope is bad, but it is sweet and that was what my body was trying to get a fix of. Something sweet. I feel like I was an alcoholic, trying to stay clean, and then drinks a bottle of mouthwash or something. I was getting my fix, even though I wasn't technically consuming processed sugar. 

Part of me wants to get another melon since it is so good and is in season.  But the other part of me thinks maybe I need to wait and not buy too much fruit for awhile until the sugar doesn't have such a hold on me. It's so strange writing this because I know if I was reading this a year ago, I would think I was crazy about not eating fruit, or even some sugar. It's not like I eat coipious amounts of sweets. But it's really amazing how we consume what we consume and why. Again, I've heard this all before, but thought it was for people with unhealthy diets, not me who eats home cooked meals, hates fast food and chips.  I'm realizing I'm not always the one deciding when to consume something.  I've always been proud I don't like coffee, and never was a aslave to the morning cup routine. But now I'm finding I am a slave to sugar. It was so quiet and got away with it's hold because it was subtle.  Not always shrinking at the same time or intensity. Socially acceptable.  It flew under the radar. 

I think what I have now, that keeps me strong is awareness. In the past I could talk myself into having something sweet. I'm a guest at someone's house, or everyone else is having some, or it was that time of the month, or I deserve the reward. But now I know what it does to my body. How is eating something sweet a reward when it will give you a sugar crash and get you hooked again?  Don't get me wrong, I still plan on eating sugar In the future, but it really has to be worth it. Like, I'm going to a BBQ in a few weeks and I know there will be a ton of sweets.  First I'm not having any because I'm in the 30 day window still.  But second, most of the sweets are store bought at the grocery store - nothing that great, and the homemade stuff is like cookies or brownies, nothing that great either. If it was that hibiscus donught I had a few months back in NYC, at a cute little trendy donught shop. That I would treat myself, and get one. Opps, see, why do I say treat myself?  It's so part of our culture to equate sweets with treats. But even with that donught, I don't know if I'd eat it all. When I had it before I only ate about half since I was fairly full, and shared the rest with my friend who had their donught and half of mine. Mine was hands down the better one. 

The last thing I want to add, is that my sleep hasn't been fabulous.  I've been sleeping through the night but I don't feel like it's a really full and deep sleep.  I still feel like I'm dreaming a ton more. And not about sweets, which sometimes happens.  I think maybe it's just that time of year. Do I sleep better in winter, all cuddled under the warm comforter?  Maybe I do.  It's not hot yet. It's that in between coolness of low 60s. I feel like I'm mentally tired when I wake up. So maybe it's not the food. Need to figure that one out. 

Should I get a grill?

I just got back from picking up my first CSA share. This year I signed up for a meat share. I'm still not sure if I picked the right amount - my fear over the last several weeks, in anticipation, is that I've committed to more meat than I can eat in a month. 

I got home and unpacked the meat. It's all frozen so I just popped the goodies into the freezer. My freezer has always been lightly loaded. It's only ever full when I'm battling the moths and trying to freeze them out of my linens/clothes.  And now it seems packed. Granted there is a large box of my boxed off items (corn, peas, potstickers). And there are two bags of wool blankets. But the rest of the free space is now packed up with meat. 

As I'm sitting writing this, Webster is sniffing the plastic bags and cooler that I've unpacked. This is what I've unpacked - most of the meats don't have the weights on the labels, so I'm guessing. 

Pork:

- two racks of pork spare ribs (1.8# each)

- two packages ground pork (1# each)

- one package pork breakfast sausage patties (1#)

Beef:

- one boneless sirloin steak (guessing 2-3#s)

- three packages of ground beef (guessing about 1# each)

Poultry:

- two packages of young chicken thighs (4 thighs per package)

- one pound ground turkey 50/50 white/dark meat

There was some pork sausages that had cheese and sugar in them that I was able to switch out for a package of ground pork. I really haven't cooked with most of these meats. I've done coq au vin with chicken thighs and I've cooked with ground beef. But not this type of ground beef. I don't know if you can see in the picture, but the ground beef is this dark red with barely any white. They said it's close to 95% to 99% lean. And that is the cases it hall the meat they told me.  Since the animals are pasture and not factory grown, they are much leaner so the cooking time is a lot less. They said marinades are your friend with this type of meats. 

So I'm off to find some new recipes. It will be interesting to see if I can find marinades, especially for the ribs, that don't have sugars. And see if can cook these meats in the oven/stove since I'm not a big grill person. I like grilled meats, but don't love the clean up. 

Whole30 Day 12

I just finished the period where most people gracefully bow out. Me?  I'm still in. According to the timeline I'm supposed to be entering the "boundless energy" stage. I can't say that I feel that, but I also didn't feel strong food cravings either. I broke out the cantelope and proscito yesterday, even though the cantelope wasn't entirely rip and as a result I nicked my thumb. But it's healing well and not too annoying today.  

The last few days I do feel like I'm using a different energy source. And I have to keep being aware that I'm not falling into a sleep coma right after breakfast. This was so part of my life for several years, and only getting worse, that I forget that's not the norm. I am happy that I don't have that sudden dip. But I do wish my overall energy was higher. Pre this experiment, I would have low energy dips and as a result would take naps. I was so happy to hear my neighbors often took naps on the weekends, I didn't feel so abnormal. Now, I have lowish energy, but not the type that makes me want to take a nap.   It's like I just don't have enough fuel, versus battling my way through a dense fog to stay awake. Hence why I do feel my body is adjusting from quick sugars to using the fats. It's nice not being on and xtreme roller coaster of ups and downs. My peaks and valleys are leveling out, I just need to move the entire line up. 

I did some reading and, obviously, not everyone is on the same exact schedule.  But also that maybe I should still be experimenting with my meals. I haven't had the food boredom that some have, I think in part because I am eating the foods I normally I eat, just in larger quanties since I don't have the cheap baked goods or grains to fill me up. After the first few days, I did scale back a bit on my meat portion size. What really is a palm size?  I really wish it would be in a weight measurement because I'm crap at estimating. I started thinking that two chicken breasts were three portions if looking at my palm.  And eating two eggs were my norm, so I fell back to that. 

I found this useful article, geared for paleo diets, but a lot of overlap, http://paleoleap.com/energy-paleo/

And it's giving me a few things to test out.  Yesterday and today I've tried increasing my portion size of meat. Not too much of an effect. One thing I've been reading is increasing fats.  I think I include the right amount of fats but maybe not. I've learned that the fat benefits of olive oil diminishes when cooking. So I think I'll try adding a tablespoon of coconut oil. I bought a jar of it a few months back for a recipe and thought I would be stuck with a speciality ingredient I'd be stuck with but I'm really using it a bunch. I'm trying trial and error of each suggestion in isolation so I can better understand the effects of food on me. Nothing like being systematic.

In the meantime, I am happy that I am not as lethargic.  I want to be doing more stuff, and just find that I need to pace myself and take breaks. I've also noticed that my appetite is back. That's the main contributor to wanting to eat non-whole30 foods.  It will be getting close to dinner and I just don't want to be chopping and fixing dinner. I think this speaks to my nice lifestyle where I've never had to be the homemaker and make sure there is dinner on the table every. single. night. I love cooking but some days I don't want to and I realize that's when I would hit some dairy. Last night I just wanted to fix a quick bowl of yogurt and jam. Because it was quick and easy. It was a strange observation, since my dinner was leftovers that just needed to be microwaved. But maybe I was tired with the left overs?

I've been noticing my stomach is hungry sometimes between meals. And this is after trying to figure out if it is just a craving cloaked in the hunger signal. But I get it sometimes after finishing a meal. So that's another thing to work on still - portion sizes. Reading, it seems like most people are experiment the rhythms of three meals and feeling satiated in between. I have that some days but not always. 

The last change is my sleep, specifically my dreams. The last several days, people often dream about off foods like sweets. For me food doesn't seem to feature in the dreams and the dreams are quite strong and not always neutral. I wonder if this is effecting my sleep. Some nights, I crawl into bed befor 9 PM, other times I'm up until 11 PM. I'm all over the place with my sleep and usually I'm pretty regular with when I go to sleep and when I wake up. Now I wake up at different times each morning. I can't remember when this happened to last. I was so consistent in the past, that I knew when daylight savings was coming up because my wake time would slowly adjust an hour, in alignment with dawn and the birds. 

And finally my drinking has adjusted. I only drink water. I've not drunk tea or juice or smoothies. And I used to always have odwalla or OJ in my fridge along with a cranberry juice. But reading about the sugars and processed fruit smoothies, I decided to go with just water. I still get bored with it sometimes, but am so surprised still how drinking one glass shifts my quiet cravings. I'm still about six 16 ounce glasses per day. I keep track of them on my fridge - I have six magnets in a vertical line and I move one over each time I down a glass. I rarely have a drink after dinner. And that seems to help with the night sleeping. Half the time I sleep through the night without having to get up. Oh, and I almost forgot, I've brought my salt shaker back into rotation.  I was almost exclusively using ground sea salt with ground pepper, but read that the iodine in table salt can be beneficial. 

And that's about all to report for now. I'm happy I'm about half way through since I'm curious about what foods effect me which way and want to xperiment with reintroduction. The one thing I can't find much on is sugar. As I mentioned I'm looking forward to be free of sugars hold but I also do want to enjoy a nice quality sweet every now and then. What is the tips for eating sugars?  I'd hate to have one slice of cake for a birthday celebration and this leads to falling off the wagon.  Is there a ratio of non-sugar days for every teaspoon of sugar consumed?  Like it takes a day for every hour of jet lag. Still researching the sugar quandary. Luckily I still have a couple weeks left. 

Whole30 Day 9

Today was an interesting day. First, I woke up and I really wasn't that hungry.  And two, my very regular BM was late - I think I was a bit constipated. I think it's a result of what my body is going through since I'm eating a lot of similar meals these last few days. 

I made myself eat breakfast, and found that when I sat down, I wasn't necessarily hungry but I did want to eat the meal. It seems like my body is getting quieter on the messages being sent about being hungry. Very subtle. So I had a somewhat later breakfast and then hit the road for my orienteering. It was one of my longer outings - it took me almost two hours and it was relatively warm so I found I was sweating a bunch and not running a lot. 

About half way through, I don't know if it was the heat or what, but I did feel like I was running on a different energy. I was getting worn down and I think I'm used to the sugar fueling the exercise. This time it felt like maybe it was fat/muscle at work. But I could be making this up based on what I was reading. Can you really feel the difference of what energy source your body is using?  I had a great time, and found I was thirsty half way through so drank my water when I got back to the car. But I want hungry at all so didn't touch the labar bar I had brought. 

When I got home, I really wasn't hungry. After some cooling down time I had to make myself make lunch (glad I had a chicken breast cooked in the fridge - I'm learning that is a good go to).  Again, not hungry, but when I sat down to eat I found I was eating my plate of food. What is going on?  Was it the heat of being out and exercising?  I know I usually lose my appetite when it's hot, but that doesn't mean I'm not hungry. 

I do have a headache this afternoon, but I think that has to do with not drinking enough water earlier today. I didn't want to chug a bunch of water prior to the event and then have to use nature when nature calls if you know what I mean. But in retrospect, maybe I should have. 

I made my weekly grocery run today.  It's really strange checking out and only having produce and meat. Considering the store is 90% packaged products. They were out of anchovies* - I was going to try a new salad dressing for the arugula I picked up. Maybe sardines will work. 

*the store did have anchovies but only the super expensive ones that were like $3 per bottled anchovy. Couldn't bring myself to spend that much. 

The food budget is getting up there. But I just keep thinking it's not like I'm splurging on expensive treats. I'm just buying good produce and meats. And I'm used to a food budget where I rarely buy meat and eat a lot of cheaper foods like rice and beans. So it's just that my food budget has been under all these years. 

As a treat I did pick up cantelope and proscito. I'm using it as my special treat to think about and look forward to in these coming days that are reportedly the hardest and are when people fall off the wagon. 

I did spend some time in the icecream aisle trying to find a sorbet that was sugar free. But no luck. I found a bunch of great recipes on line but almost all of them require an icecream machine. I'm still unpacking if I need the sorbet as a cooling devise, like I think I do all these years, living without AC.  Or do I have sorbet on hot days to also quench the sugar craving. Because if it's the first reason, I'm good to go, but if it's the second, then even if I make a sugar free sorbet, the sweet taste of fruit is going to keep my brain hooked. Luckily I still have time to figure this out. 

Now, it's close to 8 PM and I feel like I should go make something, even if small, for my third meal. Apparently, even if you're not hungry, skipping a meal messes with your metabolism and throughs everything off - because the body doesn't know when the next meal is coming. Nothing like a schedule to keep things happy. 

Whole30 Day 8

Not a ton to report. I've been chugging along. I supposedly just passed the stage of being annoyed with everything and everyone. I can't say that I really experienced that but then again I'm not around a lot of annoying things or stuff. 

I do think I am experiencing a new type of morning. For so long I'm used to having a big energy dip after eating breakfast. It's weird to not feel like I have to take a nap. I'm realizing I'm having to consciously change my morning routine - nothing like habits to keep you doing the same thing even though you feel different. 

I think I'm starting to feel better overall, but it's hard to know if it's psychological or physiological. Time will tell.  I do find my sleep is different, I'm finding I'm more tired at night, going to sleep earlier.  And in the morning I'm not always full of energy the minute I wake up. In the past I've been the type of person who when I wake up, I'm up and start thinking of all the things I'll accomplish, full of energy. I think I'm waking up early due to the birds who start chirping around 5 am. I've become a light sleeper in recent years, I've especially discovered this over my last several trips traveling. 

I did make a run to my local "farmers stand". The large place that stocks imports along their own crops. I was good and edited what I bought. I ended up putting back the bag of local lettuce. I barely made it through the last bag and that was eating it every day. And I had picked up a bag of pea tendrils and arugula. It's a good thing I like salads, although come to think of it, the last few days I've not had any lettuce. My two go tos are - sweet potato hash (includes onions, peppers, spinach and chicken sausage), that I have for breakfast along with soft boiled eggs, and an altered capris salad - with slices of chicken breast instead of mozzarella and an avacado included, that I have for a light dinner. Two easy and good meals to have on hand. 

I have been finding I google whole30 and whatever day I'm on to see what people have blogged. There's a lot about what people eat - their food journal which is kind of nice to see recipe ideas and portion sizes. But what I find most helpful is reading about what they are feeling. 

I do feel like I had a bit of a brain fog that is starting to dissipate.  My guess is my memory is getting better too. But it's easier to notice you are forgetting more stuff than less. I still think I had bloating, but some days I feel like my belly got a lot smaller and other days I feel like I just have a small change. 

I've had it easy compared to others, able to nap some days when needed - I feel like my morning naps have transitioned to afternoon naps, but this is expected with your body switching from easy glucose from carbs and sugars to the more complex stuff in your fat and proteins. And not too much activity. Tomorrow I'm going orienteering. I think I'll hard boil some eggs and I do have an emergency labar bars that are approved. So think I'll be good. The other nice thing is that it has been cool. I really have a connection between heat and what I eat (yogurt and sorbet). I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. 

I've started getting into a drinking routine for water. Two 16-ounce glasses before breakfast, while I'm fixing my meal, another two before lunch and another two before dinner, spaced out an hour or so apart. I can tell if I haven't drunk yet, because I get a slight munchy craving. Amazing that a glass of water puts that feeling in check.  I still think I have the cravings for quick sugar. I seem to be drinking the amount of water I should - right between my weight and half my weight in ounces and I've learned when to drink so that I'm not up multiple times in the middle of the night. 

And I'm reading that I'm coming up to the quitting point. Need to stay strong. Most people quit around day 10. The newness of the program has worn out and your body just wants the easy food. The main reason for me doing this program was to address my energy levels. And to go along with that I really have a growing wish to be free of any sugar addiction. I feel lucky that I have never acquired a taste for coffee. And don't drink tea often, so I'm not hooked on caffeine.  Never smoked and these days rarely drink alcohol and if so only a glass. Which means I think I'm really only addicted to sugar. I don't eat tons of it, I don't regularly have dessert after dinner, only if offered to me. But I do get sugar cravings and make brownies that I consume all of over a few days. Not great. I don't like feeling like sugar controls me. And this dislike is growing each day. Especially the more I learn about sugar and the sugar industry. And that is what I'm going to hold on to these next few days.  Not the hope of having better energy or all th other wonderful potential improvements you read about other people experiencing, but of being free of sugars hold. Because that is tangible. If I go thirty days without, I win.  All the others are potential bonuses but not a sure thing. Being free of sugar is a sure thing. I'm hoping that if I can conquer the sugar demon I can still enjoy sweet amazing treats on special occasions, but on my own terms. That's the goal. But first I have to detox from it's hold.