Christmas Festivities

Last I posted, I had collected a few boughs for Christmas decorating from my day trip up to NH. Since then, I learned not to collect greens from Christmas trees found on the side of the road. By the next day, the pile of greens were mostly branches with a carpet of needles underneath. The bulk of my greens were not usable and I had to clean up the mess. I decorated a little but missed having the Christmas feel that comes with a plethora of winter greens in the house. Ornaments and lights just don't cut it on their own for me. 

Fast forward to this week and after work I had swung by the grocery store and the Christmas trees were half off. I partly felt bad for them going to waste and not being used but decided to pass and save the money. Mainly because I wouldn't have time to decorate the tree until after I got back from my travels and then would have it up for only a week before I would need to put it out for the week of tree collection. 

Today we will have our department holiday party and yesterday was the larger campus wide party - a Christmas breakfast in Annenburg Hall which is very reminiscent of the great hall in the Hogwarts movies. It was such a big breakfast, I skipped lunch and barely had a dinner. I arrived midway through and loved that as I was walking down the hall between the occupied tables I was saying hello to person after person.  It was amazing how many people I knew across departments from my short time working. I made a beeline to the food and then came out and was trying to figure out where to sit, who to network with, when I saw my staff waving me over. A good time to connect and bond over the wonderful setting and enjoy the smorgasbord of food. 

I missed a ton of options  even though I went back for seconds and thirds of different options. I started with the hot meal offerings, than moved over to bagels and lox and all the fixings, finally going back for a round at the pastries. Completely missing the drink stations.  Eggnog and mulled cider and the most decadent hot chocolate bar with all the fixings from homemade whipped cream, to peppermint crumbles to chocolate shavings to add to your mug.  Which I didn't see until I was leaving. 

Speaking of which, I ended up leaving with two huge garbage bags. As we were wrapping up our dining and things were winding down, the staff started clearing the tables of decorations which consisted of mini poinsettias on a bed of winter greens. I popped over and asked what they were doing with them and if I could take some home. It worked out perfectly since they had just commented it was a shame to toss it all. Luckily I had parked nearby and could drop the bags off as I went to meetings. When I got back to my car later in the day, it smelled beautifully of Christmas - nice fresh greens. actually that's what I should do next year, a sniff test to see how fresh any greens I come by are. 

What I liked about the whole experience is that my approach to things has changed, and stuck. During my time off, the first Christmas, I had swung, the other way and had bought three Christmas trees (two little ones and a regular one). Granted, I had stumbled upon a local nursery that had good prices, so the cost was not much more than what I'd paid for one tree in years previous.  

But by last Christmas, I had shifted my approach, partially due to lack of disposable income. And couldn't afford a tree. Which is when you get creative and I hit the jackpot of fallen branches up in NH during an orienteering meet. That's the year I found that I still felt like I had accomplished the feel of Christmas, even without having a tree. 

And this year I was resigned to figure out how to achieve the feel of Christmas with minimal greens. I'm actually planning on doing more decorating next week after the holidays. I want to go through my Christmas boxes and really try to use everything. And if it's not being used, question why am I keeping it. Granted, I'll give myself a little buffer so I can rotate things on display year to year. But if it's been two years and I haven't put it out, it's time to reconsider. And last year, by not having a tree I was dictated by the town trash schedule of when I had to take things down. As a result, I had different levels of decorations up much longer.  I'm now thinking of it as decorating for winter. Enjoying the greens during the cold white months and having a little sparkle of light through the dark nights. 

I love that because of my different thinking, I was more inclined to notice these opportunities. I don't know if I would have noticed staff cleaning up in years previous. And I love that I'm rethinking what is a necessity. And not resulting in deprivation. I still decorate way more than a bunch of family and friends, it's just a different approach. It boils down to living below your means (I.e. I spend less than what comes in). And as a result, I get more creative, which in turn gives me an energy boost when I come across creating something new and it works out. 

On the flip side, I've found this is one of the more challenging Christmases for shopping. Usually I squirrel gifts away all year long while I'm out shopping, seeing something I think so and so may like. But now that I don't really go out perusing the aisles, that part of my brain that was really good at finding things is getting mushy. I went to TJ Maxx this week - which used to be one of my favorite stores, and it was just meh. I couldn't find that many treasures (I also think they have shifted their business model and the goods aren't as good as they used to be). Plus, I'm not great at shopping under deadline. But on the flip side, I was getting creative, due to limited funds, and swung by my local used bookstore where I have credit. And I found a bunch of goodies for people. Now that I'm cash only, when I went to wring up (they only let you use credit for a portion of the purchase), I found the total came up about $8 more than a hat I had on me. I started to head off to my car to grab some more money and then I paused and problem solved in a different way, I swapped out one item for just as good an item that was slightly less. As a result, the total came in under what I had on me. 

I used to excuse my spending in the past, by using the loophole: it's a gift so it's ok to be indulgent. But I've learned you can still be indulgent without just throwing money at the situation - and usually the receiver won't notice the difference. I'm almost done my shopping and I think I may be able to pull it off within my regular monthly budget I give myself (I go to the atm at the first of the month and pull out $300 for all my expenses - I don't use my credit cards or debit card any more). We'll see.  The biggest expense is where I'm not allowed to be creative. One person asked for a gift card and there's no way around that expense. And Nick and I are giving out teenage cousin cash - another one you can't get around. 

And on a final note, I find myself making one of the gifts, a repeat of last year.  And yet I didn't learn from last year that it always takes longer than I plan and I always run into snags and roadblocks. I feel great once I've finished and love the end product, but I really need to be more disciplined with when I work on the project. I'm off to try to finish the project this morning, before I try to squeeze in a visit to the gym and eat breakfast and get ready for an early morning meeting.  A little too much to cram into a morning, but time is ticking. 

Well that's me - as I see the time - must run. 

First on Tan

Yesterday, as I "slept" in on a Saturday morning, I kept debating if I should just stay home and get stuff done around the house or go to the orienteering meet. It's the last one of the season but was up in southern NH, over an hour drive away. In the end I rallied, partly because of combining a bunch of stuff. Last year, at this event, I had been able to collect some fallen boughs for Christmas decorating around the house. There were a ton of pine on the ground that I loaded up on at the event and then on my drive home, there was a branch fallen by the road I shipped a few more from. Last year my trunk was stuffed full with boughs. 

This year, not so much. I think I forgot there had been a windy storm before I had gone last year, which helped. Also, this year, we were in a different location of the park and not so many pine trees. I did end up making it out the door a little later then usual, but made it up in plenty of time before the course closed, but... Not before they ran out of maps for the course I wanted to "run". I'm an intermediate level, and have had one foray into advanced courses, this summer, when dad and I went to the canoeing orienteering event. We tried a tan course and after finding the first two markers, promptly became lost. 

It was frustrating haven driven over an hour, across state lines only to be told, too bad. Their printer was out of yellow ink and they couldn't do anything about it. Ugh. They recommended I try the advanced. Based on my last experience, I wasn't wild this was my only option. Going down a level wasn't appealing either as I've found those too easy. Well, I grumbled in my head and took a tan map. 

And you know what, I think this one was an easy tan. Somewhat like an orange like I usually run. It was on the shorter side which helped. And after finding the first two controls realitively easily (I overshot the first one but was able to easily correct) I was feeling ok. On the next control, a more advanced fellow overtook me and got to the control first and then dashed off into the woods for to the next control. I just plugged along, enjoying my hike (not running) and a few minutes later I came across the same guy, running around in the vincinity of the next control. He mentioned he knew it was around here but couldn't find it. Having learned from my previous times, I didn't let him distract me and focused on what direction I thought the control should be, not where he was heading. And I found it for the both of us and again, he sprints off to the next control. And again, a few minutes later I catch up to him dashing back and forth looking. By now I fell like an old regular, and slowly made my way directly to where I thought the control should be. He dashed ahead and clocked the control first and in the meantime, another more advanced fellow comes running up the hill and mentions he's been looking for the control and can't find it. I asked him if he wanted to know where it was, and pointed him in the correct direction. It was literally several feet from us. 

Talk about a boost of confidence. Here are two runners who are used to doing this level course, and it's me finding the controls. I think it also helps to go slow and steady versus trying to dart around. They were on another course that happened to overlap mine and I didn't see them again, but enjoyed the rest of the course finding everything pretty easily. It also helped its winter is so crossing through the woods wasn't too slow going. Although, tons of snow and hidden ice. Another reason to take it slow and steady. 

After the last event, I had bought a pair of gloves that I could sweat in that worked out fabulously. I started off being cold but by then end, was taking off the gloves and hat. At the end, I was making my way back to the finish and jogging a little, and along came another guy. Because of him, I ended up running all the way back and it was only then I got wet feet running through massive puddles in the fields. Luckily, I had also packed a second pair of sneakers and my super warm and cozy socks. 

It was such a lovely day and such a beautiful setting with the narrow (and slippery) bridges through the marshes and I found this one tree whose trunk had grown at a 90degree angle and then straight up, making for a perfect height bench. I had left my phone behind and had wished I had brought it for the pictures and also, I forgot, I wanted to "track my run" so I could look at what I did afterwards. 

Looking at the splits, I find I did ok, but my saving grace was slow and steady and that's how I eeeked out coming in first!  Not too shabby. 

And, after I downloaded my results and was heading out the door, I noticed on the porch a tarp with a huge pile of greens. Clearly, they were using them for making wreaths or something, so I couldn't take the,  but, they had a trash barrel full of scraps and I rummaged around and got a pretty good haul (nothing last year). And, as I was driving back to the highway, I couldn't help scanning the sides of the road , hoping to find another fallen limb like last year, and guess what. I found one! Except, I think it was a Christmas trees eons bought that had fallen off their roof. It had been there awhile since the needles were falling off.  But there were a few branches that were worth saving. Fast forward when I got home, and was doing some quick yard work, putting beds down for winter and found, some grasses I usually trimmed earlier in the fall, had dried in this beautiful way and I thought, this will make for some nice decoration, along with the bamboo clippings I had saved from an earlier yard clean up. So I think I have enough to decorate with. I like having stuff straight from nature and not going to wage (and not costing anything). 

So I had a great orienteering event, picked up some boughs, and also swung by two stores where I found some birthday/Christmas presents. So all in all, definitely worth the trip, and I'm glad I talked myself into going. It was a full day away and now, I need to go off and get all my chores done for the weekend, into one day. 

I've been practicing a new technique. I write down everything I want to get done today, divided into two groups: have tos (like it's going to be hard during the week if I don't do this now) and like tos (like I'd like to paint my bookcase but it doesn't have to happen this weekend). But in addition, I've started putting an estimate of how long (I.e. 20 minutes). And then throughout the day, I make note of how long it actually takes. Interestingly, I've found that a bunch of things take me twice as long as I thought they did. So I've been resetting how long I think it takes. And also, I'll add up all the times, and realize I have two days of work I'm trying to get done in one day which is impossible. So it resets and manages my expectations. I feel much better at the end of day because, although there is still a lot to do, I know I got a lot done. Speaking, of which, this post took longer than I thought it would, surprise, surprise, so need to dash. 

Coyote Siting

I just came back from another orienteering meet yesterday. The last few meets I've been finding that I come away with wet feet. And a resolution to pay attention and plan my route better around water features. I always think of the spring as a time when creeks are gushing full of winter melt from the mountains, but apparently it is also the case in the fall. Anyways, no matter how carefully I try to cross creeks and bogs, I end up with at least one wet foot and this weekend I couldn't help but think it wasn't great to go from wet foot in a stream onto snow. It had snowed last week and mostly melted in town but out in the woods there is still some snow on the ground. Luckily it's still warm out so not too bad. 

As I was out on the course I was finding my mind straying from the current moment, and ruminating about all the stresses from work. I kept trying to recenter myself and live in the moment, that's what I always appreciated about orienteering, you have to be paying attention. 

Well, as I was climbing up an embankment, I heard some noise from above. At first I thought it was another person on a course, dashing through the woods like a deer. The course was compact enough that I'd cross paths with other participants. But nope, this time it actually was deer.  Three of them running across my path just ahead of me. It was quite stunning to see.  They were heading down to the trail I had just left but they stayed in the protection of the trees along the edge as they slowed down, sussing out if they should cross, and actually walking down a bit further before they ran across the trail back into the woods on the opposite side. 

I was torn as I made my way to my control, that with all these people in the woods, we were disturbing the local wildlife and yet still in awe of seeing them up close. A few minutes later, as I was making my way to another control, I had left a path and came across a couple walking the opposite direction who pointed out a coyote just a little ways away in the woods. It looked like she was intent on something and was heading away from us. Not too worried about our presence. She did seem to be heading on a path that might intersect with the deer I had just seen, although she was coming from a different direction. Again another conflict of emotions, awe and worry about what is only the natural course of events in the wild. 

I ended up making it back in good time, even after stoping and watching the wildlife and few stops to talk with others on the course. Interestingly, this was my third meet in a row where I placed in the top three.  Granted, this has more to do with who else is running the course. But the last few courses I haven't had any trouble finding the controls. Usually there is at least one that trips you up and takes a chunk of time. I'm thinking I might be ready to advance on to the next level - the advanced course. It's all woods and no trails. Making it more challenging but also tiring. 

I ended up sticking around and volunteered for the last part of the meet. Partly for my own benefit. I've been working on trying to figure out how to have more energy as I'm getting worn down from work. At work, I've inherited quite a mess of a department and a lot of issues. As I get more tired, I find myself pulled into the weeds and not able to step back as often as needed to see the problem as what it is, in a more balanced light. So in my time not working I've been falling into the habits of trying to relax and rest up but not very successfully. For me, I recognize that I'm on the cusp of introvert/extrovert. I benefit from taking time and hanging out and chatting with people. It gets me out of my head. So staying and chatting with fellow orienteering folks put me in a good frame of mind. I also found that the fuel I have also helps. So on my way home, I stopped by the grocery store and when I got home I went straight into cooking mode. If I stop and rest, I sometimes don't make it back up. I ended up cooking for three hours but have all my meals for the week ready to go. 

And what a difference Saturday and Sunday was. Saturday I went into relaxation mode and slept in, but really well and did a little here and there but didn't accomplish much and in the end felt less recharged. Sunday, having the deadline of having to make it to the meet, I got myself up and out the door and had a very productive day where I felt much better at the end of it all. And slept much better that night too. Which at first glance is counter intuitive. I did more and felt less tired versus laying low and relaxing and felt more tired. 

It got me thinking about misconceptions. As I've been decluttering I realized "retail therapy" was the exact opposite. The concept being if you take some time to be indulgent and shop, you'll feel better. Which is true for the moment, but in the long term you feel worse. It's a quick fix that hurts more than helps. 

And more recently I realized "comfort food" was the same. Yes, you feel good in the moment eating whatever comfort food - often simple carbs.  But later you'll feel worse and it didn't help at all. With the food, I know to stay away from the comfort foods when I'm needing comfort. I need the healthy stuff that will fuel me. It got me thinking of other comfort habits I have that aren't the best habits. And what actually gives me energy. I did notice that sometimes when I'm stressed I'll organize/declutter a specific spot in the house. I think this is a positive because it gives me immediate comfort but also long term, I feel an accomplishment of making something better. I think I have to keep an eye on my Netflix viewing. It definitely feels comforting sometimes, but leaves me decharged. The biggest take away is that I feel more charged after accomplishing something. Granted I need down time and can't just be go, go, go, but need to figure out what a healthy down time is for me. Well, off to feed the cats. 

French Horns

I've been trying to be good and not abandon this blog and post at least once a month. I will say that I find blogging doesn't work into my schedule as well, so I've been exploring alternatives (like vlogging) but haven't found a simple and easy way yet. 

So French horns.  It has to do with the orienteering event last weekend. I just got an email that shared they had posted pictures of the event.  Looking through the pictures, I found I was checking to see if I could see myself,not expecting to since I would have remembered someone taking photos. But, as you can see, I was focused on the course at hand:

It was a great day for being out in the woods. I can tell this photo is later on because I had started off with a hat and gloves but trekking around, you heat up. This event was different and had a great energy in the air. Usually for orienteering, you show up, get an epunch and map and head out and try to be as fast as possible, sometimes crossing paths with others, usually on different courses. It's a rolling start in a two hour window. This event had a mass start which means we were all heading out at the same time. 

The way they make it work is that there are three different courses we all do, but in different orders and they are all on top of each other. So you're in the woods running into a lot more people than usual. Which adds a different energy and can be distracting - you second guess if you are heading the right way or should veer off in the direction the other person is heading, but then they might be on a different course. Anyways, we had a great mass start - instead of starting pistol there were French horns!

How fun, right?!  A great send off as we head into the heart of the forest. Needless to say, I had a fun weekend and so happy I found this sport. I did have one control that took me forever to find, but I did finish which is half the battle. 

It was a great break from the craziness of work. I'm still excited about my job but what I inherited is a mess and exhausting to get back up and running smoothly. That's what I love about orienteering.  It brings you outside and you have to give it your undivided focus or else you get lost. It's a great break for a busy mind. 

Another Dog

This weekend, I realize, I've been mentally preparing for the big procedure tomorrow - my first colonoscopy. Right now, I'm sitting in my bathroom ready for the next phase after just downing the medicine. BTW, my dosage was pretty decent - tasted like a super sweet drink. Speaking of which, I feel like all I've had today is sugar. The clear diet really limits the intake. I had some broth throughout the day but have found when I get a hunger craving I reach for some ginger ale. 

I had pretty much cleared my calendar this weekend in preparation. Figuring I'd need to run errands and get things in order around the house. From what I've heard and seen on tv shows, I'm preparing for being out of commission after downing the last drop of the meds. And know, as I write this, I realize I may have imagined something worse than it really will be... Or I just need to give it time to kick in. 

Anyways, yesterday, after having a nice long consultant with a gardening coach, I was hopping in my car to go pick up the medicine and grab the special diet food at the grocery store. As I was pulling out my driveway, this random dog comes trotting down the sidewalk.  I stopped suddenly and hopped out since I didn't want him (turns out it was a girl)to head into the street or go towards the super busy street. It was a friendly dog and happy to see me as I get out of my car. The strangest thing was that she not only had a collar with tags but also had a leash on that was dragging behind her. I looked around and no one in sight except a jogger coming from the same direction. At first I thought the dog was the joggers, but nope. He stopped and helped me try to figure out whose dog. And even held the leash while I pulled my car back into the driveway. The tags were just rabbi tags and no other info. 

So I ended up having a bit of a detour - my new friend and I went for a walk to the local police station. Along the way there was a lot of sniffing of posts and many marking with the pee. And as we got close to the station we even stopped and had a poop. Luckily, the leash had a built in poop bag holder so I could take care of her business. 

I brought her into the station and the officer had a chuckle when I explained the situation. They don't have tons of random dog drop offs, but apparently this guy is the one that is usually on duty when they show up. My new friend was happy to go with the officer and that was that. 

I did look around my neighborhood a bit more after I got back to see if I could find anyone looking for a dog. And part of my imagination wondered why she was on a leash, like mayber her owner fell and was hurt and the dog ran off. But nothing. And went and ran my errands.  I'm debating about calling the police department to find out if everything worked out. And hope she was reunited and everyone was ok. I'm just happy our paths crossed because I do think she might have ended up in the middle of traffic. 

Well, I don't want to tempt fate, as I feel my tummy working through the meds. So I'll sign off and post this and queue up a fun movie to watch in my new hang out space on the throne. Wish me well. 

Decluttering Books

In my decluttering journey, I feel like I've come along way but also am aware I'm only part way through the process. Books is a good example of where I feel I'm in the middle. I used to keep almost all my books and only thinned them out occasionally. With more books coming in than going out, overtime, my bookshelves were overflowing. I used the Ciscero quote to enable my book acquisition - "A room without books is like a body without a soul."   Side note, I first saw the quote in my local bookstore in college - tricky marketing. 

But these last two years, I've been slowly unpacking my relationships with books and what's behind the surface. Logistically, I took all my books and sorted them into two main categories - books I've read and books I've not read or not finished yet. Of the books I've read, earlier this year, I sorted them again into, books I read and I really enjoyed and would want to reread and worth carrying up several flights of stairs when moving. I was brutal and really questioned if I'd reread the book again.  Making it clear that for every book I reread that meant I couldn't read a new book during that time spent. And interestingly, I was able to weed out quite a few books I enjoyed and liked and would recommend but didn't need to own any longer. My keep pile is suprsimglu small and I feel like I could revisit again and make it smaller. 

What really helped was that in the pile of books I had read I noticed some mental themes. For me I was holding on to a lot of books from two periods of my life: young adult books and books I read in college (not text books). I split the books into three piles and found I could be ruthless weeding out books I've read these last twenty years but the other two groups I was much more sentimental. Was I really going to reread Little House on the Prairie series, and if so, couldn't I just get a copy from the library. Same with some of college books - I loved the Russians and Dickens, but haven't ready any in years. I still have books from these two groups but they are now separated out and I have a time limit.  I'm giving myself some time to see if I'd reread any, otherwise they go. And I'm slowly, mentally, uncoupling the sentimental side of keeping the books. 

But the biggest pile was books I had aquired that looked interesting but I hadn't gotten to yet. I'm slowly realizing they are part of my "fantasy self". The self that knows what's in the books - I've read them already.  Just like with beautiful things, I can't have and own every beautiful thing I see. I don't have enough space (or money). Same with books, I can't read every book I find interesting, there literally isn't enough time in my life. So again, I've been learning to add the filter to prioritize. 

Which gets me to the point of my post. I've been volunteering at my local library helping organize and prepare for their annual book sale. I like the work because it's basically sorting the books into categories and then organizing them on the tables. Last year, I ended up with an armful of books I took home. And had resigned myself that I'd probably do something similar but hopefully not as many, especially since I was out of space on the bookshelf that housed my unread books. 

But surprisingly, this last week. I found myself using some good questioning techniques. I was sorting through the cookbooks and would set aside a few I was interested in and at the end I looked at the books and found that, one, I liked the cookbooks I already owned better (prioritization), and two, that often I was sucked into the idea of the lifestyle (fantasy self). Either through beautiful pictures/graphics or with the idea of the dish. I'd love to eat it and even be able to cook it, but in reality this was a big jump from my current cooking style. Granted, I may want to shift my cooking style, but you only need one cookbook or handful of receipts - not a mini library. If you have more than one book to experiment with, you start feeling burdened for not being your fantasy self, that you've already failed.  And in the end, I put all the books back. 

As I worked through the other sections, same thing - I saw a book that looked interesting. Set it aside. And in the end decided I had enough at home. And at the end of volunteering, I left empty handed. The questioning of priority and fantasy self helped me but also the time delay. Waiting and reflecting after the initial discovery helped the endorphins settle down.  

Now the question will be, will I escape without any books in the next week - the book sale is next weekend and I still have a bunch more volunteer time. And I'm ok if I bring home a few - it's not an absolute. But more about understanding why I want to have the book and being more mindful about my acquisitions. But I feel pretty confident I won't have a huge stack like last time. It's all about progress and not being perfect. 

Weekend Update

Saturday was a beautiful day for the bike orienteering. I had a slow morning which turned into a rush to get to the orienteering meet before the event started at 10. Which meant I took a look at my bike and thought, "the tires are fine". They could use a little air but not having much time to spare I rushed out the door figuring it would be good enough. As I'm biking to the meet I can clearly see my front tire is a bit flat and more importantly, it was a challenging ride. I lucked out and found a hard core adventurer who was pumping up his bike tires before the start and borrowed his pump and fixed my bike tire situation. So that was the first mistake I made, but fixed it before the race. 

We're given the maps ten minutes before the start and the time rushes by as you try to figure out the best route to take to maximize your points, avoid the steep hills and busy roads. This year I was trying out a new strategy - target the bonus points. The more you get, the more your score goes up exponentially. But the bonus controls, of course, are in the far corners of the map. I ended up deciding to go clock-wise, and hit the north west corner first. 

I do have to say this happened to me last year. It's strange bicycling for three hours in near by towns, using a map that has roads and topographic features but no labels. You don't know from the map what town you are in or any of the street names. So I get focused on the course and then realize I'm near where I go for my cat supplies and recognize an intersection - it just suddenly appears and is a bit discombobulating.  

An hour into the race and I'm doing well.  I avoided any steep hills, I'm feeling in shape and finding all the controls pretty well. I enter this one park to hit the next bonus control and it's just so beautiful. There are so many beautiful marshlands with the gorgeous plants. It's so picturesque, I want to take a picture, but I'm focused and plus I know it wouldn't capture the moment. As I find the control, I think, I should come back and explore this park. Lots of great trails to explore and beautiful setting. As I'm biking through the park to hit the next neighborhood, I pass a classic middle-American landscaped portion of the park with an American flag and I think wow, this looks just like a similar corner of the park I was at last weekend for orienteering. I thought it would be neat to take my next visitor to both places so they can see how similar they are. To my defense, this part of the park is very much like a big box store - you see variations of the same thing everywhere. Not very unique. It's not until a little bit farther down the path do I realize - yup, it's the same place I was at last weekend. 

I came to the park from a different direction, but comparing the two maps from this weekend and last weekend and looking at my route, I should've recognized parts sooner. You know what it was, the perspective is different when you're on foot versus quickly biking. I was so surprised how certain I was there were two parks that looked alike versus realizing it was the same place. I have to say I chuckled over that for a good fifteen minutes of my ride. 

My next mistake was I forgot two things I did last year.  One was to set the deadline for getting back to the finish 20 minutes early. You get penalized for every minute you are late. And because I'm bad at estimating how long it will take, I built in a buffer last year - got back to the general vicinity of the start area and picked up a few extra controls near by, without feeling too rushed. Somehow I forgot I did this and this year, I was just hoping I'd squeeze everything in in time. Near the end I was starting to re-edit my route but even so, I was feeling rushed and by now I was getting tired, two hours in. But a quiet kind of tired. The kind you don't notice because the thrill of hunting for the controls overshadowed them. Which leads me to my second thing I forgot. I forgot I had packed a lunch last year. I remember packing a trail mix of sorts and snacking on that. And I was lazy and just had leftover breakfast which was just waffles and not a good hearty breakfast of veggies and protein. Lesson learned, fuel the body. 

I think it's because I'm in better shape, my muscles weren't sending up any signals of being over worked, like last year. Actually, two days later and my leg muscles aren't even that sore. A little but not as much as I thought they'd be. Last year that was the first thing that went so I'd slow down and conserve my energy.  And last year I told myself I should train before hand so my muscles for biking are in better shape. I forgot to do this and had wished I had, but then found I was farther ahead than last year. Don't know how that happened. 

I think I went wrong where I should have had the advantage. By now I'm in the south west corner of the map. Well not really, I cut out a whole section because I'm not that good. But I knew where some of the spots were because they were along where I'd commute for work. Looking back, I should have skipped these because I didn't really have the time. I did them because I could see where they were in my mind and they didn't seem that far. One control was in the park just down the street from my house. In the park that I know is at the top of a pretty steep hill. But I'm always in my car so don't really absorb how steep the hill is. After getting off my bike twice to push it up the steep portions of the hill, I eat up half an hour and finally get to the control in the park in my backyard. And it's dawning on me I'm not going to have enough time and the next bonus control is on another even steeper hill - near the water tower in town. The hill with the view of Boston - it's that steep. I mean not only do I have a topographic map that only has the steepness of hills, I've literally driven up all these hills hundreds of times. 

But again perspective. It's one thing when you're in a car. And another when you're on a bike. I figured I could hit the last control, scrap the rest and head straight back and hopefully make it just in time or only a few minutes late. I'm thinking all this in the park as I'm walking my bike up yet another hill, in the park. I get to a point I can bike and start biking, not too fast mind you, and as I'm about to leave the park, the dirt path turns right, onto paved sidewalk/driveway of sorts, I wipe out. It was going downhill a bit, I wasn't going too fast, but there was a bunch of loose gravel on the paved portion which causes my bike to slip out from underneath me as I take the turn. I wonder if this had happened at the beginning if I would have been able to recover in time. It all happened in slow motion - I fell to my right and was able to catch my fall on my hands. 

And then a wave of just being tired hit after the initial pain. For a second there I was like, no problem, I can pick my bike up and keep going, I have 30 minutes still, I can make it to the last control and then the finish. And then a moment later, I was like, nope, I'm done. I realized I wasn't in a rush to get anywhere any more. Even outside the race, no rush to get home. I had no plans for the rest of the day. So I picked my stuff up and just lay on the grass and chilled. It's weird, because I don't really do that much in any portion of my life. But my body definitely needed a moment. It was weird because it took me a bit to unpack my previous plans. I was like, I'm just a few blocks from home, I biked to the event so it's not like my car was there that I had to pick up. Literally, there was no reason not to just go home. 

I took it easy going home and by then I was so hungry. Also, another mistake, I didn't have pre made food ready for the post race. And since I'm pretty healthy these days, I didn't really have anything to just munch on. But I got myself fed and started cleaning up my wounds. My hands barely have any scratches. No one will notice them at work. Even my legs escaped pretty unscathed. I have a little bit of a raspberry on my right side of my right calf.  I'll have a bunch of bruises along my right side - a big one is forming on my right buttock. What really took the bulk of the hit was my right elbow. I just slid across the pavement on it and gauged it pretty deep. And man it's hard to clean an open wound on yourself. Luckily, I found the trick was to take a shower. I wanted to clean up anyways, plus I was concerned the sunscreen could get into any wounds. I found it was the best way to easily clean the open wound. 

The other injury is my thumb on my left hand.  It feels like it's sprained a bit where the thumb connects to the palm. All in all nothing too bad.  Some soreness throughout the body but not anything out of the ordinary. And the timing to take a nasty fall like this could not have been better - I mean if I had to take a fall in the first place. The next day, I was helping a friend organize a room and her husband is a sports injury doctor. So I had him take a look at my injuries. He did a bunch of poking and prodding and lots of questions. He went from joking around as my friend's husband, into Doctor mode. I felt like I was having a private, at home, consultation. And the verdict is all good. Give everything some time to heal and if things don't improve in three weeks come in for a follow up. Already, after two nights sleep, things are feeling much better. My elbow is starting to scab over and doesn't hurt unless I bang into it. And the rest of me is my normal bruising feeling I'm used to. And on Sunday I was till able to whip my friends bedroom into better shape. I was a little slow, but still at about 90% of my regular self. I took it easy, but the point is most things weren't impeded by my injuries. Turns out we weren't tackling her closet of clothes, it was just all the clutter and extra storage of stuff in the bedroom. She was quite. impressed with what we accomplished and reiterated she thought I should go into business as a side hustle. I was curious which of my lessons learned I could share, and would stick. It was the old adage of "like with like" that we came back to each time. It's a good place to start. For her, she had a lot of plans for things - to mend, to fix, to turn into something else.  So they all went into the same spot - "incomplete actions".  

So all in all a great weekend. I'm hoping I'll still be up for orienteering next weekend - it's the only canoeing event all year. But talk about an activity where you need a healthy elbow. I'll have to wait and see. And nothing like a bonus day (Labor Day), to take it easy and chip away at some chores. The weathers nice, so some more gardening for me. My hope is to get everything in shape before snow comes so next spring, it's not too bad. 

Hobby Update

I didn't know what to call this post. And then it dawned on me that both topics are hobbies in a way. First off, I was going to share I think I have a garden gnome breaking into my house and stealing my gardening tools. Basically I have no explanation about what's happened. Last year I acquired two sets of hand held pruning sheers. They were great and I pruned away all last year. This year, I took them out in spring and started pruning.  And then I started my job and they have gone MIA. I looked everywhere. I'm good about bringing my tools in every time. I put my tools in their home and they are just not there, or anywhere. I looked everywhere and fell further and further behind on my pruning after a few months, I gave up and bought a new set of sheers. I used them once and remember thinking, I'll bring them up into my place instead of leaving them in the basement with my other gardening tools. They are too precious to not keep locked up. 

And then this weekend I went to garden, and nada. I couldn't find the sheers. How did a third pair go missing? I even found the packaging of the third set so I knew I hadn't imagined buying them. Granted, I had enough gardening too keep me busy even without my pruning sheers. I started thinking I'll just use giant loppers for even the small trimming. I mean I can't lose my loppers - they're huge. It's like when the gas station attaches a hub cap to the bathroom key so it doesn't go missing. 

And of course, just writing about the shears, and taking a day off from looking for them, and my brain relaxed and I remembered tucking them away in my back closet. But in amongst my cleaning supplies. Which makes no sense - it was just the closest place when I came up after the last gardening jaunt. Lesson reinforced, everything has a home and put everything back in its home, even if it's an extra step or two. Your future brain will thank you. 

I'm still way behind on the gardening, but I'm slowly getting more comfortable about what to keep and what to get rid of and I've started formulating a plan for planting. A bunch of plants I want to move.  And I'm realizing it makes sense to just tackle a little bit at a time. I was pulling the crab grass in the strip of lawn between the sidewalk and street this evening after work. I haven't mowed all summer and the crab grass took over and killed off the regular grass. My plan is to move some lilies like my neighbor which hopefully will give the tree a little less competition. 

And in other news, orienteering started back up for the fall. I was out all day yesterday. Even though it cooled down last week, to the point I was putting away some summer clothes, I should have looked at the forecast.  It was a warm day yesterday and all this week will be hot and humid again. But I did pretty well. I ended up starting out on the same course as these two other people. One was ahead of me and the other one I could hear running behind me which kept me running a bit longer than I normally would have. I wasn't good about staying in shape in the off-season. I should have been running more this summer but then again I did have my toe injury (I dropped my vacuum on my big toe - it's healed pretty well). I found all the markers pretty well. Number six was the most challenging and that's where I left one of the guys (who had been running behind me and passed me). I kept thinking I knew where it should be and then it wasn't in the spot so I took a lesson I learned earlier which is to give up early, go back to a point where you know where you are on the map and start again to try to find the spot. I blame the bugs because number six was in the woods and flies where on me the second I stopped to look at my map. I basically just kept running around, to get away from the flies. 

And at one point I came up to the marker and the other fellow had gotten there before me but was sitting and studying his map so I took advantage and went off running to the next spot. He ended up catching up to me and we found the next spot together but then took different routes to the following marker. I kind of had an advantage since this is the third year I ran this location. So I knew the way you think you should go according to the map is tricky because the paths aren't clear.  I took the longer way around, but think I got to the spot first. I should add that each year the markers are in different spots, but you get familiar with the areas. 

Anyways, you don't need the play by play. The nice thing is I hung around after I was done which I usually don't do. I said I'd help with clean up and I was meeting up with a fellow orienteering person that I'm helping run a local meet in a few weeks. Im shadowing him this year and the plan is I run the meet next year. The fellow I passed on marker six (he spent over 20 minutes hunting - I've been there before) showed me an app you can download on your phone which tracks your route and then afterwards you can overlay the route onto the topo map and study what you did. I think I'm going to try it out next time. 

Speaking of which, next weekend is the bicycling event. I liked doing it last year but noted I should train  prior since it's a lot of biking. The event is 3 hours plus biking to and from is another 1.5 hours. Not only were my legs sore, my butt was super sore. Somehow, the event snuck up on me, even though it's usually Labor Day weekend. I'm hoping to get into the gym this week to train a little. I'm still sore from yesterday - a few steep hills I ran up and down. I'm writing this down in the hopes I remember, next year, when it's strawberry season (June), I need to start training on my bike. 

And the weekend after, is canoeing orienteering. And the weekend is the event I'm helping run. So lots of exciting weekends planned full of orienteering, and hopefully some gardening. My moss in the backyard is thriving which only makes me want to get out and weed out the grass in the remaining portion. And yet, I haven't made it out back as much as I've wanted to. It's the one nice thing about the weather getting hot again, it feels like it's still summer and I still have time to catch up on my gardening. 

Decluttering: Clothes

A friend of mine reached out asking if I could help her tackle her closet. She's the friend who I helped organize her pantry this spring and she reported the pantry is still super clean and tidy. Which is great to hear. 

Her ask got me thinking about my path to decluttering my clothes. I'm still not there but I've come a long way and tried a bunch of things along the way. I was just noticing the other day how as things were ramping up at work I was pulling items out of my wardrobe and just bringing it down to the core. The crazier work gets, the smaller my wardrobe became. A nice solid core of about 8 tops, 2 bottoms, 1 dress and 2 pairs of shoes. I never thought this would be enough but it is. I should note that this is my summer wardrobe, when it's hot and humid out, And not my entire closet. 

So here's what I found in my path to where I'm now:

1. Taking everything out. I made a pile in my living room of all my clothes, shoes, etc. everything from all my closets, dressers, storage, etc. I was blown away at how much there was and weeded through and took out the not for me anymore items. I think I got rid of about a third. It felt so good but this was just the start. People often stop at this point and don't revisit which is key to not end up back where you were before. 

2. Figure out your categories. I tried a bunch of things on where I store my clothes. From keeping everything active, including out of season clothes, to packing away stuff, including extra clothes I considered my "store" to shop from. What I found, for me, is that if I have too much to chose from, it can get overwhelming and I get into "I don't have anything to wear mode". I divided my clothes into modules that I rotate out. For me I basically have four work modules for each season and four casual modules for each season and a few specialty categories. Specialty categories include: fancy (for a wedding or Christmas party),  shoveling and for each I only have on or two outfits that I don't wear that often. Right now, I have two modules out for summer: work and casual. 

3. Do the math. This was a big aha moment for me. I don't want to have a closet where I only wear items only once or twice a year. I want a closet where I wear things a bunch. I calculated the number of days per season for work and for casual (basically weekends). The first thing I noticed is that I have too much casual items for every season. I had so many tops for casual that I was only wearing an item twice a year This helped me rebalance my closet for my needs. 

4. Holding Pile. I spent a weekend trying everything on and figuring out outfits, head to toe, including jewelry and shoes. At first I just found outfits that worked but after a little practice I became ruthless and the outfit only passed if I felt 100% - dressed to impress. This resulted in a few items I still love but haven't figured out an outfit yet. So I took the pieces out of the closet and bagged them up. This is my working pile that I work on periodically when I'm feeling creative to find an outfit that works or else let the piece go. I only have the pieces that work for me right now in my closet. It's so much simpler. 

5. Sentimental Pile.  This I just did recently and it helped more than I thought. I went through my closet and pulled out pieces that had a story and I'd be hesitant to let go of. Everything from pieces I picked up from my trips abroad to my oldest piece of clothing from college to my first sweater I knit. If I can find a way to use the piece where I feel 100%, then in the closet it goes. For instance my first sweater I knit I wasn't wearing much f at all and then I turned it into my go-to shoveling sweater and wore it tons last winter. But if I don't have a use for it, it goes into my holding pile. This includes my fantasy self items too. Clothes I don't fit into at the moment, too big or small.  Everything I'm not using gets packed away and if the holding pile gets too big, I weed it down but now I know why I'm holding onto it which lets me let go. I don't need three pairs of jeans that are too small, just one. 

6. Know Your Style.  I realized I often bought pieces as experiments but didn't realize they were experiments. So they just lingered longer than they should have. It's easier said than done about finding your style. It's an iterative process of trial and error. The key is to be conscious of what you're trying. And that your style shifts. What used to be a favorite may no longer work, especially with clothing, fashion comes and goes. I had a good quality blazer I loved for work and wore all the time. It took awhile for me to realize it wasn't my favorite anymore. The cut had gone out of fashion gradually so I wasn't reaching for it but the history had me keeping the piece. Recently I had picked up a few key core pieces but I realized a skirt was not in my regular go to category so I to.d myself, this is an experiment piece, let's see how it goes. I've learned to limit the number of "experiments" I purchase. Along with style is knowing what colors, cuts and fabrics work best. I still have a ways to go but I'm getting there 

Driving

So work has ramped up pretty quickly. I knew it would so I was enjoying the "quiet" days of my first few weeks. And I took advantage of the time, networking and connecting with key people throughout the organization. Which is a good thing, as the person who was acting as the interim director is moving on to another position. It's a good move in the long run for all concerned, but in the short term, there is so much institutional knowledge and relationship building that needs to be transferred. 

As I mentioned before, I looked at my life and identified what can I do in my life to minimize the extra stress I will be experiencing.  And one thing I identified early on was my commute. I wrestled for the longest time about going over to the dark side and driving into work. My commute with public transportation took at least an hour. I found the fastest way in to work was to avoid the bus and ride my bike to the subway, take the subway and then from my subway stop, walk to work which is about 15 minutes. But often the commute would creep over 90 minutes, especially getting home.

I had dropped my vacuum on my big toe last month and it's been healing nicely, but the first week I was conscious of not wanting to put too much stress on it, walking everywhere. And since my commute includes a 15-20 minute walk, I opted to drive into work for a week. And that was the beginning of the end. It took about 20 minutes and that's with traffic.  Summer traffic mind you (it will get worse after Labor Day) but still.  All of a sudden I had an extra hour in my day that was freed up.

My whole career I've commuted to work via public transportation. The last time I drove to work for a job was my summer internship after my sophomore year of college. And that was with my first car, "darling". Aptly named because I'd have to coax her up a big hill that was on my way home and every day I'd try to get a running start but 2/3 up the way, she'd run out of steam and putter along with me cheering her on, "darling, you can do it, you're almost to the top". On hot days, she'd have even less umph.  No AC, so I'd listen to my music - a mix tape of Bob Dillon songs, with the window rolled down, while a line of cars would accumulate behind me. Fast forward to now and I'm living the life with a nice luxury car that handles so smoothly, has AC and is just so comfortable. A far cry from Darling and a big step up from being crammed on a bus, trying to keep my balance as I'm forced to stand and we lurch down the street stopping every 100 meters for traffic.

It's taken awhile for me to transition my thinking. I mean it's been over 20 years since I first started commuting to work using subways and busses. It's my time to get my reading done and ignore the traffic situation, leaving it to the bus driver to deal. When the weather is nice, it's such a beautiful bike ride to the subway and I get a lot of steps is with all the walking. Plus, not only is it nice to reduce my footprint for the environment, I save a ton of money. That's why I've always commuted. 

But, I often am worn out at the end of the day and don't get too much reading done.  Most of the year I can't bike because of the weather - winter, rain or too hot/humid. I get plenty of steps walking during the day with this job, outside of the commute. And so really, it boiled down to money and environment - that's why I was so patient with my commute. Wait, I should clarify that previous jobs, public transportation was the only real option since driving in would take just as long.  Maybe a little less but nothing to write home about (or post on my blog). 

So faced with my new situation, with a job much closer to home and farther from the subway stop.  And a sudden demand on my time with work while wanting to keep a work/life balance. I started seriously contemplating switching. The week I was driving in because of my toe was an eye opener of how big a gap in my two modes of transport. I knew there was a gap and had decided that when I paid off my mortgage, I'd treat myself with a parking pass. I'm younger now than later after all, so now is when I should be doing the harder stuff that would wear future me down faster. I'd rather take the subway in my 40s and drive in my 50s and 60s, than the opposite. 

Well, now I'm rambling and trying to explain myself. My point of wanting to blog is to say I got a parking permit at the beginning of the month and have been driving to work. It's been taking some time to unwire my thinking and what I'm used to. Last night, I was working late to finish a report (I'm taking off this afternoon for a dentist appointment).  And when I was almost home, driving down my street, I was still surprised how quickly I went from desk to door. It was 15 minutes!  And I was struck by how much I have geared myself up when I leave work.  It's like I've been taking a deep breath when I leave work, getting ready to endure a long commute with a lot of waiting, either stuck in traffic, or if it's later in the evening, stuck waiting for my bus or subway to show up. It's like I've tensed up in anticipation of how much waiting I'll have to do and now I'm slowly learning that I can just relax. Relax in the comfort of my own car and not being jostled around.  Relax as I have control over my way home and can just go with the flow of traffic. Relax as I listen to music and podcasts - something I stopped doing years ago because I was concerned about my hearing - having to play things so loudly to hear stuff over the rumble of the subway or street noise of the bus. 

It was just so nice last night to zip home after a long day at work. I still need to figure out the financials and environmental impact. I mean, I can afford it, and if you look at my footprint for this job, compared to my last job, it's so much less because I'm not flying all over for work. But I still have a it more work to unwire 20 years of thinking. The question will be, will I be posting in the future complaining about being stuck in traffic. Who knows, but the nice thing is I live and work in an area where I have a lot of options. 

Work Update

I've been enjoying my first two months of work. I'm still settling in and trying to get up to speed but things seem more doable as I learn more and see the gap in info isn't too big. The big struggle is inheriting a department that had had a big turnover before I started and is on a shoe string staff. I've been interviewing but it's been slo going and the market is rough but making progress. We have a new person starting on Monday who is an untraditional hire, so a bit of an experiment, but I find you have to get creative with these things. 

As I've been getting up to speed, I've been relying on my second in charge.  He's the only one who knows the projects. The other staff are brand new. He had been interim director until I was hired.it was a new dynamic for me, as he had also applied for the position but is just to young and inexperienced.  So some delicate maneuvering but I did get the sense he was burnt out and dissatisfied with his growth. And it was just a matter of time. We worked well together, but last week he gave his notice. I was hoping I'd have had a bit more time, to build up the staff and get up to speed. Not the best timing but not a complete surprise. 

The surprise, again not to wax on and on about my time off, is how I'm handling the situation. My earlier me would be in crisis mode since it's going to be very bumpy for awhile.  There is a huge backlog of projects and our clients have been frustrated with the turn over in our group and the lack of continuity in knowing projects. And before there was always overlap on projects of some sort. Now there will be a big gap.  I've inherited projects every job I went too.  This is my fourth time and it's by far the hardest because there is very little framework for capturing and recording the project history. It's the worst I've seen. Which is what I love creating - systems and processes and tools. But, in the meantime, it's going to be rough. 

Normally, in my head, I'd be oscillating from everything is going to be fine, to, OMG, OMG it's going to be bad. I still have moments of the OMG thought, but I'm seeing it more as just im having the thought things are going to be bad, but seeing it from a distance and letting it flow on by. It's nice being the continual state of it will be all good and I've got this. 

Also, my old instinct would be too just throw myself into the problem and work longer hours and focus all my energy on solving the problem by dropping other stuff. And I'm surprised to see that I'm figuring out what to add to my schedule to help me through this time. I will be working more but not at the expense of everything else and I've been managing my schedule. Examples, 

1. Commute. I started with thinking, maybe I should drive in instead of public transportation. It would save me an extra 60-90 minutes and be less stressful when it comes to the weather. But the cost. I could afford it, but it would effect my long term financial plans. Instead, I negotiated, with myself, that if I drive in, this would free up time I don't feel I have, to make it to the gym in the morning. So I'm looking into seeing if I can get bumped up the waiting list for parking. 

2. Gym.  I realized that I'm going to need more energy and support for my mental health during this trying period. And since I discovered that a good cardio work out does wonders of stabilizing my mental, I want to make sure I work it into my schedule moving forward. It will be tricky but pairing it with the cost of parking I can use my guilt of paying for driving in to keep me on track with going to the gym in the mornings. 

3. Friend Network. I had caught up last week, with an old coworker who works in a similar role at MIT. We hadn't seen each other for a few years and after comparing notes on work stuff, caught up on life stuff and have tons of shared interests. She had suggested we get together for something, and the initial reaction that flashed through my head was, I won't have time for this, I need to say no. And quickly another voice put that in check. I had been tired and low energy from work and just spending an hour with her and talking about the topics we did, totally energized and recharged me. So, I then went from thinking of saying no, to scheduling recurring get together with her, to thinking on my way home, who else should I schedule to see that would also help recharge me. I have another work friend I see monthly that is similar and was trying to think if there was anyone else. 

4. CBT Coach. I had seen this really good therapist during the end of my last job. She went on maternity break and then I was on my hiatus. I asked to be put on her waiting list since I just found her sessions so useful. It was less like therapy and more like having a life or career coach. The sessions are a half hour. I pick one issue, share the problems.  She listens and then reframed and provides me with tools on how to move forward. And it worked time and time again. It was like getting a monthly tune-up on my thinking. Friday I got call that there were some openings. I haven't been able to connect with the doctors office yet, but initially I thought, it's going to be an appointment in the middle of the day, I can't take it, to thinking, it doesn't have to be first thing in the morning, I can consider some other times and try to make it work. 

5. Orienteering.  Last spring I had reached out to help run an event in my local park. It's been on hold for awhile and then last week I was contacted by the meet director to coordinate. I'm shadowing him to see what goes into the event so in the future I can run the event. At first, I thought I should drop this commitment, I won't have time, and then I figured no, I love orienteering and it will be a healthy break from work stuff and not beyond my work load of things I can do. It's not that big a time commitment. So I'm continuing with organizing the meet and made a conscious decision to try to go to as many meets on the weekends when the season starts up again in a month. 

6. Weekends. I was planning on heading up to NH to visit Dad and Barbro and get some blueberry picking in. And the news hit and I thought, no I should stay home and get stuff taken care of.  But again, I was like, work life balance. I won't go up every weekend, but it's nice going up to visit. We're always outside hiking or canoeing so I get some good vitamin D and fresh air. And it's a quiet schedule. It's important I use my weekends to take a breather and get out of my head thinking about work stuff. 

All of these things just fell in my lap last week and I realized I was formulating my support system for getting me through this next stage of work. I decided, instead of passively letting this happen, to think about what else I should put together to be proactive and have a plan of attack. I was doing that in detail on the work logistics and transferring knowledge and projects but what about in my personal life. Here's my initial list I came up with of some more stuff I should spend time on:

1. Cooking. The healthier I eat and the less I have to think about meals, the better. I need to spend some time developing a schedule of meals and snacks to make each week. Half the challenge is meal planning.  

2. Outfits. Same thing.  The better I feel and less I have to think about what to wear, the better.  This I'm almost there. I'm loving my closet of summer clothes and it's a fraction of what I had years ago. I've come a long way. Big gap right now are flat work shoes. So just need to find a second pair and all good. 

3. Cat time. The more I make sure I cuddle and play with my W&W every day the better all around. 

4. Knitting Time. I don't have anything on the needles. Just stuck on fixing old projects which isn't my favorite. So I'm picking out a new project to work on. The act of knitting is very calming for me and gives me a nice pick me up of accomplishment. 

5. Cleaning and Clutter. A peaceful house that is my sanctuary is what I need. Again, I'm almost there. I've learned to keep clutter (incomplete projects and deferred decisions) confined to my loft.  I'm slowly whittling away at the pile. And I've gotten into the habit of a Saturday morning quick clean and a week day tidy up. Just need to keep on schedule, especially in the summer with all the fur balls that materialize daily. 

6. Gardening. This one is interesting. I think I figured out I find it calming and rejuvenating to garden in my back yard and stressful and tiring to garden in my front yard. The front yard needs a lot of help and is on public display. It's overwhelming. I'm having a landscape architect that was recommended to come out and see about modifying the design to make the front garden lower maintenance. But that won't happen until the fall or next spring (well, first we have to get the price tag). So for right now, I'm working on letting the front yard not effect me - it's just one summer and spend time in the back yard guilt free. Although I just realized I might need to re think this one. I just got a notice that mosquitoes in town tested positive for west Nile disease and they recommend not going out at dawn or dusk which is my ideal time to garden - time wise and temperature wise. 

Well, that's all for now.  I'm off to grab a quick bite before going to my Saturday morning Tai Chi class. It's been awhile, and I don't want to miss it. 

Reframing Lunches

As I keep writing, I love that I developed new habits and rebalanced my life. But the true test is when things get busy, do I keep with the new regime, or slip back into old ways. I was listening to a freakonomics episode that talked about habits and one comment really stuck with me.  It was about giving yourself time to change. The point being that you've had years doing things one way so changing over night just isn't balanced when you think about the science and the rewiring that needs to happen. It's all about managing expectations. 

This week I've been faced with an old habit popping up - wanting to skip making my lunch in the morning and just buy my lunch. So far I've been good.  Partly because I want to be in more control of what ingredients I consume, which on the flip side can make making my lunch harder each morning. Gone are the days of wiping up a sandwich to pack. And if I haven't batched cook, I find I need to quickly cook up some meat and veggies or complex grain in the morning and with the heat and humidity...well, you can see why I want to just buy my lunch. 

But one thing that popped into my head yesterday that helps reframe things for me is the cost. Not just a vague, lunches can get expensive kind of thing.  The usual, general arguments of its healthier to make my lunch, it saves time at lunchtime because you aren't running out to get something, and it's just expensive.  All of those I could talk my way out of with my inner voices. 

What it was, was pulling on my budgeting I've done. I had started tracking my spending during my time off so that I had a better understanding of how much I spent on what. Mainly I did this exercise because I really needed to know as I was getting to the end of my time off. It helped me tighten the belt in areas that I saw fluctuate month to month and reflect on why which then fed back to real time purchasing decisions. The point being, I know how much I spend on groceries/food per month, which includes meals out. And since I wasn't really eating out, I was pretty economical, even while sticking with healthy foods (meat and veggies are 90% of my grocery bills). 

My aha moment was when I connected that buying my lunch for one day was about the same cost I had for all my food that day. Rounding up, I spend $300 per month which is $10 per day and lunches in my area are, rounding up, $10. That really put things in perspective for me.  Why blow all my money for the day on one meal?  Now, can I afford to spend more, of course.  Would that increase the quality of my eating - not really.  Does it help my core values and principles - nope. Am I considering my future self when making decisions in the now - nope. Basically, I was succumbing to the wants in the now (not having to deal with making my lunch), and pushing the consequences onto future me. 

So, for now, I'm plugging along and not slipping into making things "easier" for the short term but at the expense of my long term. I'm following the advise of an old boss when I asked him his tips for financial planning. He said, "as you make more and more money, don't adjust your spending to correlate."  His point was you will be tempted to spend more the more disposable income you have, but it's all wants, and not needs and it's better to put it away and save. 

New Lifestyle

It wasn't until I threw the my job into the mix that I realized how much I had shifted my lifestyle - in a good way. And it's strange, on the three main categories I worked on, I graded myself, before going down this path of self growth:

1. Finances. Good - I was good at saving and not spending beyond my means. I always put the max. away for retirement and wasn't too decedent in my spending. 

2. Food. Good - I always cooked my meals and brought my lunch. I didn't eat out too often and I mostly bought unprocessed food and ate a lot of veggies. 

3. Exercise. Not great - ok, I knew I could be doing more even though I'd go hiking and canoeing and other fun things on some weekends. I knew I wasn't in the best shape cardio-wise. 

But all in all I thought I was on top of my money and food. How far I have come!  For the food, I didn't really know what processed food means and now, although I still eat everything - I didn't eliminate any food from my diet, I crave healthy meals and snacks. Sometimes it's hard when I go to an event - like a breakfast work thing and they only had not so great pastries and bagels. I love my pastries and bagels, but now if I'm going to eat them, I want to eat good quality ones. 

And on the money side, by figuring out so much through decluttering, I'm much more focused on the bigger picture. I've been sticking with my previous routine - I get $300 out of the bank at the beginning of the month and that's my spending money for everything other than the house bills (mortgage and utilities and Internet/phone). Most of my spending goes towards groceries, gas and cats with a few miscellaneous things each month. 

The other weekend I swung by my local, really nice, consignment store where I had some credit. After working for almost two months, I was finally going through and decluttering my work clothes (I had held off before because I didn't know what environment I'd be in). And I've been slowly putting together my "brand" for my work look. This has really helped me as I work through what to keep and what to buy. Although I like a lot of things, if it's not on point, I pass on it.  It feels so good getting dressed every morning, having outfits I feel great in. 

One challenge I've had is that my body weight has shifted on me again. Interestingly, it's been going down. Lower than what I was when I left the work force. I think it's because I have a good foundation of diet and constant movement (I clock over 10,000 steps each day). And my theory is, because I had a good metabolism to begin with, although aging and the associated hormones, made it harder for my metabolism to absorb whatever my lifestyle is, as long as I recenter my food and exercise, because of the good metabolism, I see the rewards. This isn't the case for everyone, depending on what metabolism they inherited. I do find the intense cardio probably helps with the weight but more so the mental health. 

All this to share my latest bonuses in life. Last weekend, I was at my local clothing used shop, trying to find a few pieces to fill my holes in my wardrobe. Especially pants that fit. I found a ton of great pieces but really deliberated about what to buy.  I even ran home and changed into some clothes/shoes I wanted to see if the pieces would go well with and came back to make a final selection. As the clerk was ringing me up and I was paying, she noticed she had forgotten to include some pink espidrilles and ended up just adding them to the bag for free!  I was so happy to find the shoes in the first place as pink espidrilles have been on my list since last summer but I didn't want to spend more than $20 and then to not only find them but get them for free. I saw it as a reward for being really good and asking myself my list of questions I've developed when trying something on. I look at the cut, drape, color, pattern, material, length (long torso). And I ask myself what I'll wear this with and plan several outfits before I consider buying it. I also ask myself where I picture myself wearing this and if it's a "what if" like I'm out on a friend's sail boat or something equally uncommon, I double check I see myself wearing it next week and decide if the piece is more for me or my fantasy self. 

I did allow myself to buy one experiment piece. A skirt in a style I'd don't usually wear but want to try with tights in the fall. I had another piece I was on the fence with and realized it was an experiment pice too because it was a color I wasn't sure of. But I said, no, only one experiment piece per month or quarter.  Anyways, I felt good about my purchases and have worn everything except the skirt so far and am loving it. Oh wait, there was a dress I got too but haven't worn yet because of my shoe situation. I dropped my vacuum on my big toe while I was cleaning it and it's slowly healing but that means no heals or wedges which knocks out most of my shoes for work. So I'm planning on wearing the dress soon, and still think it was a good purchase. Actually, the sales clerk mentioned she used to work at Nordstroms and thought she remembered the dress selling for almost $2,000 (it's Armani). I got it for a steel it turns out. And it fits divinely. 

Well today, I feel like I was rewarded again for following my good purchasing habits. I was out running errands. Trying to find fancy flat sandels I could wear for work while my toe gets better (it doesn't like being confined in shoes). As I was running errands, I realized I needed a pair of new jeans too since the ones I had on felt like they were falling down - a bit too big, and I had just the one pair. At Nordstrom rack, I went through so many sandels and found some that could work, but they weren't my brand so I passed. And I also found a few other things, like face lotion on sale, but I still have several I need to finish first even though I need something more moisturizing for my skin, and a top I liked but didn't love the color - again, not my brand. Old me would have had about four items in the check out line. New me, had two, and as I waited, I realized I should wait on the moisturizer and do my homework and formulate a plan. I didn't need to buy it now. It also helped that I had limited cash on hand and had to still run to the grocery store. I went to the clerk and she rang up my one item - my pair of jeans I found after going though dozens and finding some that were good but not great. I persevered until I found something I felt great in and wasn't too expensive. Some of the jeans were $70+ on sale which I would have considered earlier in my life, but with my new financial goals, I kept digging until I found a pair that worked and were only $30.  She rang up these jeans and said "one cent". I was a bit confused and after she repeated herself a few times, I dug out a penny from my pocket and handed it over figuring it was a donation thing or something. Nope, the jeans rang up for $0.01. I don't get it since that's not the price listed, but I didn't want to ask too many questions and the sku numbers matched. The clerk didn't bat an eye so I guess that it's not unusual. And I figured I was being rewarded for staying centered with my purchasing habits. It felt good and I'm still a bit shocked. Which makes the jeans feel even better when I wear them although it's just nice to have pants that fit well. 

First month

I finished my fourth week last week. It's amazing how fast time is flying and yet so much still to learn. I do feel like I'm slowly finding my rhythm and I'm not in discordance with the rhythm at work. I have my systems down now for my security card and subway card and commuting. 

I'm still getting used to working at a place that is so well known. Nick had made a comment a few years back about the tour buses of tourists. I saw them but didn't really experience them too much. But now. O - M - G. They bus in tourists, mostly from Asia by the big bus full. There are groups just meandering around taking pictures and getting in my way as I run across town to get to a meeting. Not really a big deal and if anything it reminds me to slow down and enjoy the backdrop of my work. 

Also, I'm happy to report, I gave myself two weeks breather from the gym and then it turned into three weeks and I had barely gone. But I was jumping into a lot of new stuff with work. So I revised and gave myself a month and I succeeded!  So far. Last week I worked it into my routine to get to the gym Tuesday and Thursday morning, come back shower, get ready and still leave by 7 am. And Saturday morning I was good and made it into the gym for the 7:30 tai chi class. Only it had been canceled last minute so I worked on my core. Then this last weekend I visited dad for Father's Day and we went hiking Saturday and canoeing Sunday. And man could I feel my core muscles both days. I had wanted to switch to Monday Wednesday and Friday for gym days but my tummy was still sore this morning so one more week of Tuesday and Thursday. But not bad meeting my goal of hitting the gym three times a week. Now I just need to keep it up. But I'll write here, in the hopes future me reads this again, I had a much better week last week and I think in part I was mentally stronger from my workouts. There's something that happens when you have a decent work out that sends the right chemicals to the right parts of the brain. 

Well, another thing I've worked on is making sure I get a good nights sleep and it's getting late so I'll sign off. It is nice to report my status as it helps motivate me to go that extra little bit which helps make the new habits. So thank you all for being my supportive accountability network. 

First Pay Check

I have to write a quick post about how nice it was yesterday when I swung by the atm to withdrawal my monthly spending budget. And seeing the balance... It was so nice to see that my first paycheck had been deposited and my account was back into that nice place. That place where I don't have to worry about money.  Something that is easy to take for granted after awhile when things are going well. Although it was stressful at the end of my Sabatical, worrying about money, I was always reminding myself how lucky I am. Not only do I have the safety net of immediate family, I have the safety net of extended family. Something many of my friends have neither of. Even so, one hates depending on others and asking for help. 

One thing I found interesting near the end, was when I was in the most need, it was the hardest to accept the generosity of others. Whereas, when I'm doing well, it's easier to accept the generosity. I guess it makes sense, because you feel like you're coming from a place of powerlessness. And it's harder to think you can reciprocate the generosity down the road. 

Looking back in my life, I've had these dips and peaks of cash flow as I went from working to grad school to working to time off. Although no one wants dips in cash flow, I found it was a useful way to recenter my spending and be more responsible with my middle class lifestyle. So many people experience what I momentarily experience, for their whole life and never get into that comfortable middle class living. 

I went through quite a few exercises over the last two years when it came to money and my spending. I tracked everything and one thing that opened my eyes was doing a six month review. I went back through my "miscellaneous" category (doesnt include groceries, car, cats, utilities and mortgage) and reviewed the spending. I divided things into three categories: necessities (like toothpaste), wanted and would buy again, wanted and wouldn't buy again. The necessities were about a quarter of my miscellaneous spending and interestingly, the things I wanted but didn't really need, over half I wouldn't have bought again. I started looking at why I bought the things in the first place and it helped me understand bad habits, the psychology wrapped up in "retail therapy" (which is not true - buying doesn't solve your issues), and how to shop smarter (some things turned out to be bad quality - I'd buy something similar again, but better quality). 

As a result of this exercise, I find I shop way less and when I have the urge to go shopping or to buy something I reflect on the why and if I can do without. I still make shopping snafus, but I learn from each mistake instead of holding on and ignoring the underlying issue. I've woken up to the way the media tries to sell us wants in the forms of needs. I used to love magazines but now I realize they are almost 100% advertisements to get us to buy stuff. Like this tool will make your life easier, or you're not a responsible home owner if you don't do this. It's even in the YouTube videos I watch and Netflix shows. 

But I'm growing learning. For example, I had a coupon for DSW and I need two types of shoes. I went to the store yesterday and found some decent options. It was quite a drive to the store and my old self would have made something work and not left empty handed. This time, I left without buying anything and learned that DSW hasn't really been a place I've found any good shoes in the last few years and maybe I need to identify other options that suit my needs better. I left the coupon on the shelf for someone else to use. 

One big thing that helps is having a bigger goal. A gift to my future self. The less I waste money now, the more comfortable I'll be later in life. For example, most of my coworkers drive to work because of where the office is, but the parking pass is several thousand dollars a year. Although it's a pain to get to work, I think, I'm "young" and can handle it now. I'll wait and buy the parking pass later when I don't have the luxury of being able to bike, etc. it's my gift to my future self. 

Which brings me to my final point. My take away from my time off is that I learned I really value my independence.  My goal is in seven years, I'll be in a position to retire. I don't want to retire, but I want to have paid off my mortgage and saved up enough to have the option. This means reshifting my thinking and looking at the bigger picture. Now the trick is to not fall in a world of frugality where you don't enjoy the here and now. But often the experiences are better than the stuff. And experiences can be free or inexpensive. It also means looking at diversification of income. I like to teach and am positioned to do that now. As I explore my new role I'm formulating an idea for a class that I hope will be something new, not in the market and aligns with my purpose of transforming the market. A nice win win. I learned from my last go around not to exclusively throw myself into my job but to have balance. 

Well, not such a quick post, but a good reminder that it's always good to step back and recenter your ways. I guess that means I'm going to start embracing New Years resolutions more as its a good place to refocus the habits. 

Power of a Piggy Back

I've read and tried the concept of piggy backing a new habit onto an existing habit. The underlying principle is it's easier to add to an existing routine than trying to start a new thing from scratch. Last year I had tried to expand my night time routine to include flossing and washing my face every night. So as I was brushing my teeth I would just add a few extra steps to incorporate these new habits I wanted to form. I forget how long I worked on it, let's say a month, and it didn't stick. 

Interestingly, I found myself pulling from the parenting playbook. I'd be brushing my teeth and wanting to skip the rest and just go to bed. But I reasoned with myself that I had to do at least one new thing, but I could choose: floss or face. Interestingly this worked quite well and I fairly consistently chose flossing. Mainly because it was faster and less messy. I think I didn't succeed because I just didn't stick with it long enough. Thy say it takes over 60 days of practice to create the rewriting in your brain for the habit to stick. 

Well, fast forward to now, and I'm wanting to wash my face on a regular basis. I stepped back, took a look at why it didn't work before and readjusted. And I have high hopes for try number two. I think my problem was I was trying to piggy back onto the last habit of my day when I am at my lowest energy. I'm still having to work hard just to make sure I do brush my teeth before bed let alone adding anything else. And I realized my night time routine is more spread out over the evening. I need to piggy back new habits onto the front end of my evening routine where possible. So today, when I came home and the first thing I do is change out of my work clothes (keeps cat hair to a minimum) into my pajamas, I took an extra step and washed my face, and applied moisturizer. It barely took any time, wasn't that onerous, and felt good I accomplished it. I feel like this could be the start of a good thing. Now I just need to look at other things I'm doing on a regular basis and add to them the stuff I want to accomplish. 

Future Self Gift Recap

Ok, after my last post about thinking about my future self, I started off strong and petered out. 

Monday evening.  I pulled out an extra toilet paper for next morning when used up roll.  Small but put a smile on my face the next day that I was thoughtful. It was kind of like my partner did a thoughtful gesture, but it was me being nice to me. 

Tuesday morning. Clean and tidy house to come home to. This was a big gift. At the end of the day I'm tired and I focus on essentials. In the morning I quickly tidied up, including putting away projects I was half done but had been laying out, unfinished for more than three days. Quick sweep of all the cat fur, and quick swipe of bathroom surfaces. And what a great gift to come home to. 

Wednesday evening. I feel like I've dropped the ball a bunch by Wednesday and my future self is picking up a lot of slack. I meant to cook some batch meals after work but sat down to rest and never got back up. As the night was coming to the end and I was exhausted, I was looking for something quick and easy I could do for my future self and realize, back to basics, I picked out tomorrows outfit, head to toe. 

Thursday and Friday I didn't consciously think of anything to do. But I've learned it takes time to adapt a new habit. So I'm practicing and learning how to rewire that part of my brain, I small step at a time. This weekend, I've been focusing on queuing up things for next week. I made a bunch of meals for next week. And I've been working a master outfit plan to keep getting dressed simple. And of course, the greatest gift is not doing too much and letting myself recharge. 

My biggest take away from this exercise was to do a combination of big and small. The small things were pleasant surprises. And at the same time it was important to step back and think what would I really appreciate. It wasn't about getting "things" done because the "things" list is never ending. It was more what would I remember and appreciate. It's kind of like Christmas/birthday gifts. There's always a long list of things that would be nice to get, but then fade into obscurity, but what are the gifts that last over time. This weeke I've really been appreciating what my weekend self did, even though I didn't even get to half of the things. But I chose well and focused on the ones that had the biggest impact.