Really an Adult

Have you heard about imposter syndrome?  Often it's related to topics in the work force and it's something everyone experiences at some level. I realize I sometimes feel like an imposter when I'm considered an adult. Or rather, a middle age adult these days. 

When I was in my early twenties, paying my bills and doing all the adult stuff, I still felt like a kid and not an adult. Ok a teenager. And I still have moments of that even now. 

This morning I was meeting up with a young engineer who had reached out to me about career advise (previous post).  And when I was diving into salary negotiations and how businesses work with salaries, I felt really grown up and experienced. Seeing my earlier self in her and how far I've come developmentally. And seeing myself through her eyes. I really am an adult adult. 

And then at work, I had the challenging task of letting go of a new staff that wasn't working out. You feel very grown up firing someone. You feel like a boss. Considering you are the boss that's not unexpected but it really drives it home. 

The third chapter of today is an email I got from a colleague, who I used to work with and still stay in touch with. He had asked if he could provide introductions between myself and a young engineer in college looking for career advise (déjà vu). I agreed and this is how he introduced me (with proper names xxed out):

"Xxx, S and I used to work together at Xxx.  S is a personal friend and is the best Sustainability person I know....she is also one of the best leaders I know."

Again, I think it's that glimpse of seeing how people see you. That different view from your regular self centeredness.  Being considered the best and a leader feels really grown up. I'm really really an adult. 

I write all this on the subway right now, on my way home after work. Looking forward to a night of making Legos. I may be an adult, and even an adult adult, but I'm still a kid too, who loves her Legos. 

Lego Time

I've got a visitor this month - Nick, while he is in transition before starting his new job next semester. 

Which means I'm eating fabulously. We agreed that we'd split up the week. One day where he makes dinner (and plans it too), three days I make dinner and the rest we fend for ourselves. 

Sunday night I made this fabulous Italian dish with a red wine reduction and fresh pasta. Couldn't pronounce the name of the dish for the life of me but it is definitely going in the keeper pile. And as a side I made this brussel sprout salad - last minute addition to the menu. It was surprisingly good considering the bs where just blanched. You peal the leaves which I've never seen before and is a brilliant idea, if a bit time consuming. Julllianed white turnip, pomegranate seeds, apple, bacon and a brown butter sage vinaigrette. It's like a proper salad. 

Tuesday night nick made a wonderful dinner - one of his staples. It was nice to have a full dinner before my evening committee meeting. Which never happens usually - not enough time. 

Last night i made a corn bread/chili dish. While I was making it, Nick was working on another important project. Making Lego sets!  Talk about a throw back Thursday. 

After dinner, it was like the old days. The real old old old days. Nick and I at the table working on our Lego projects. I've spent time cleaning and sorting our old collections so it was easy putting together the old sets. We're almost done with one box. Thanks to nick putting together the police station while I was at work. I left the Lego out yesterday morning because I had a feeling he couldn't resist. I mean, who can resist Lego. 

We have three more boxes to go. Two more boxes full of "city" sets. And a box of "castle" and "pirate" sets. 

The goal is to get them all made before this weekend when my god kids descend on us for the weekend. They had such a fun last time with the sleepover in the spring and the Lego and we only had a few sets built then. I resolved next time I'd make them all ahead of time for the wow factor. And it keeps the Lego downstairs. Last time cam couldn't get to sleep because the Lego sitting next to his bed was too tempting and he was up late playing. 

It's going to be a tight schedule. Only two more days until Saturday. The term "sweat shop" has already been thrown around last night. 

Nice Posts

I found that my posts haven't been going through so just "republished" them again.  A good chunk of reading.  And looking at the stuff it's an interesting swing of ups and downs: between getting hit with a virus that killed my laptop to winning the football pool to losing my car.  And to end on a high note for the week, I wanted to share this nice message I got today:

 

"My name is xxx, and this may seem kind of odd but we actually met at the STEAM Symposium this past Saturday. We sat next to each other during that great chat by Meredith Walker! 

It was great to meet you and I felt like, as they said later in the presentation, you look like someone I would like to be in five or ten years -- someone that I can look up to. I would love to learn more about your own career path and to see if you have any recommendations for me, as I'm just breaking into the engineering/design/(hopefully sustainability) field.

Would you like to grab coffee or breakfast at some point? My treat!  Thank you and have a great weekend!"

 How wonderful is that?  I keep telling my younger staff that although you may feel like you are imposing in your asks, a lot of times people like the idea of helping out and providing feedback to younger professionals.  I had gone to an event last Saturday that was celebrating women in the STEAM industry (science, technology, engineering, architecture and math).  It was a good mix of highschool students, young professionals all the way to senior professionals.   And great hearing the stories and inspirational talks.  A good way to end the week.

Farewell Dear Infiniti

This morning I biked over to the auto body shop and cleaned out my dear car and said goodbye. Technically the damage is fixable. 

But it will not be 100% and the amount to repair it is just too high for the age of the car. I do have to give props to my repair guy. He was good about walking through the options and giving me his opinion - not worth it, even with the miles. He showed what the issue is and even have me time with the car to say goodbye. 

Ah, the good times we had. The weekend drives to Vermont in the New England foliage. The trips to Maine. And even the simple errands. 

Coming home from traveling for work, it was so nice to sink into the drivers seat and enjoy the last leg home in luxury. 

You were my first real car purchase. My first big indulgence. You were my "I made it in life" luxury reward. I loved that you were unassuming and not flashy but man you were sporty. 

I remember that first weekend after I had brought you home and I was entering Storrow drive. As I was speeding up, I found you had that secret spot where you went into super mode and the horsepower kicked in. The smile on my face that night as I was driving home and realized the full extent of what I had partnered up with would not go away. 

I love how your interior is subtle. No in your face screens. The GPS screen sinks into the dashboard when not in use and disappears. 

Thank you for treating me do well, like a queen, with your leather heated seats and wonderful handling. I remember one of my first trips was too Emilia's in Albany and I was surprised how fast I was driving. It was so smooth a drive and do comfortable, it was easy to speed by all the other drivers. 

And on my way home from that same trip was the first time one of your lights came on. It looked important so I pulled into a rest area on the turnpike and under the lights of the gas station I looked it up in the manual and was stunned. My car had sensors to let me know that the tire pressure was low. How fancy!  

Farewell dear car. You were a good partner and our time together was too short. You will be missed. 

Farewell Laptop

This was supposed to have been published last week 10/12/15. 

One thing I didn't mention before my trip - my laptop was infected with a ransom ware. 

The crazy thing is that the laptop hadn't seen Internet in almost two years and then the ten minutes I use it to check why my wireless isn't working and connecting it directly is all it took. This window pops up:

I had a delayed reaction. It took awhile for it to sink in that it was real. It wasn't until I clicked on some files and found they wouldn't open that the full effect was realized. I mean, this is the kind of things that happen to other people and on TV. Not to me personally. And suddenly I felt like Carrie Bradshaw on Sex in the City when her laptop crashes. 

At least I heard of backing up but did I actually do it?  Sometimes. It's like me and flossing. (I just was at the dentist today for a cleaning - no work needed!). I know I should do it religiously for my own personal good but it's such a chore I skip it most of the time. 

This weekend, my big project was consolidating all my files and double backing up. I'm more hopeful now than I was earlier that the laptop was nearly all backed up. Of course, the first files I think of are my photos. And this weekend I came across a lot of the ones I was worried I lost. 

My last step is to go through and cross check what is on the desktop and what I have. Part of me wants to know and the other part doesn't. I still haven't read all the way through my meticulous note book of items I boxed up and put into a storage locker 15 years ago that was all lost. I should dig that up. It's been long enough to read now. 

The strange thing was after the incident and after the computer specialists said they couldn't do anything to recover the files I was listening to this Radio Lab episode as I was landing in Denmark that was about a lady in NYC that also had a ransom ware infection and went the path of paying up. The idea never crossed my mind. Apparently there is a big work force of smart, young, educated professionals in Russia who can't get 'regular' jobs and as a result this industry has grown. In the end it was a success, after an ordeal of paying the ransom the files were released. I didn't think that worked. Very interesting episode. 

Anyways, don't think I need to go that route (fingers crossed) and as the technician said, my laptop was very old anyways. So maybe it is time to upgrade. 

Now if I only can get my wireless to work. Lesson learned though, I wasn't connecting the computer to the outside world until everything was triple backed up. 

And maybe I should move to the front of my list my blurb book projects. Great program for publishing books and a good way to get your photos onto your bookshelves. 

That Escalated Quickly

This was supposed to have been published 10/29/15 but didn't go through. 

What's that saying?  Things happen in threes. I feel like I've had a series of losses recently. Having to say goodbye to Winston earlier this summer after 14 years together. My laptop of 7 years getting the virus that can't be repaired and now this.

On my way to a summer BBQ, I was at a red light and got rear ended by someone. It was a gentle tap and I didn't think much of it at the moment. Only later to discover it did some apparent "cosmetic" damage. I call the insurance to report it but held off getting it repaired for a few months. I finally dropped it off last week to get it fixed only to get a bunch of messages this week that my insurance is writing my car off as a total loss. I just went from something I thought was a minor repair to catastrophic end of my car. I'm floored. Man, that escalated quickly. I am now carless and have been given a deadline to come by and pick up my belongings before the ship my car to a salvage lot. 

I've had the car for about 6 years and although not as close a relationship as Winston, I'm still attached and totally caught unawares. I love my car. I love driving it, it's so comfortable and I jus melt into the seats. And we were meant to have a nice long relationship. I bought the best year (2006) and the mileage is ridiculous - just hit 45,000. It was a real upgrade to the luxury world - Infiniti G35 is so classic. 

And now I'm suddenly left alone and carless with a million unanswered questions. It's like someone going into the doctors with a cold and giving a diagnosis of a week to live. WTF?!

I'm still absorbing it all. Not quite ready to say goodbye. I love my cars. I love driving. And the memories from all our trips together. 

Not quite sure what I'm doing next. Not quite ready to pick out a new partner for the road. And luckily my lifestyle is not car dependent so I have the luxury of taking my time. And of course am thankful to both family and friends who have offered up the loan of their vehicles in this sudden turn of events. 

Hopefully this is the end, for now, of saying good bye for me. I could really use a break. Goodbye dear Infiniti.  Your end is too early.  You were the best car ever and will be missed. 

I won!

This was supposed to have been published 10/21/15 but didn't go through. 

I can breathe a sigh of relief – I won week 6 in our company football pool.  The irony is that I almost won last weeks, but changed my Monday night pick at the last minute.  If I hadn’t, I would have had the most points and instead it came down to the tie breaker (closest combined score for Monday night’s game) and I lost.  And then this week, I changed my Monday night pick at the last minute, but this time it worked!  It came down to the tiebreaker again and I was only off by 4 points.  I triple checked it this morning when I found out and still didn’t believe it until I received the official email congratulating me.  Now I’m on a high and envisioning getting back into the game and not only winning next week and being the first person to win two weeks back to back, but also sailing ahead in total score for the season and taking home the big pot of money at the end of the season.  Wishful thinking but one can dream.  Of course, I’m now torn.  I had done some statistical research this summer and developed a new technique.  But by week three I wasn’t doing so well so went back to my old method – picking based on location.  I pick the places I lived first, then where close relatives live (Ohio, Dallas, Phoenix, DC, Florida) and then it’s a mix of places I’ve visited, where we have offices, and in some cases what radio shows I like.  For example I’ll pick Minnesota over Tennessee, neither place I’ve really visited, but I like Prairie Home Companion which is based in Minneapolis. 

 

In other news, I’m reminded after my trip overseas that Boston is a tourist destination too.  I sometimes forget and take the place for granted.  One morning I was coming up from the subway and there was a gaggle of German tourists.  One group stopped me for directions and at the end I wished them a good day in German.  I don’t know if I got it quite right or if they were just surprised to hear German from an American – they gave me a strange look.

 

And I’m seeing more touristy stuff, like bike rentals.  There were all these bikes locked up on the bridge, which I’d never seen, and clearly was part of some tour guide thing.  And this is after noticing a few new additions to the bottom of the channel – don’t they seem like pretty decent bikes that got dumped?  Makes you wonder the back story.

 

And of course, we have the world famous corn maze in New England.  I went this weekend with Cece and the god-children.  The maze was amazing.  We were in it for almost three hours and in the end had to take the short cuts to get out, so technically didn’t finish the maze.  They have these viewing stations you stumble upon periodically, but you can’t really see the way out since the corn starts to blend together.  And the maze is huge - you can barely see the edge. Beautiful fall day and I always am reminding myself, although beautiful in my neck of the woods, it’s good to go out to suburbia where it’s full on autumn in the country – with the rolling hills and vibrant colored trees.

And Friday, a coworker who loves apples, had visited Scott farm in VT and picked me up a great selection of apples all labeled in brown bags. It's like a healthy version of a box of chocolates. Not sure what you'll get with each bite.