Really an Adult

Have you heard about imposter syndrome?  Often it's related to topics in the work force and it's something everyone experiences at some level. I realize I sometimes feel like an imposter when I'm considered an adult. Or rather, a middle age adult these days. 

When I was in my early twenties, paying my bills and doing all the adult stuff, I still felt like a kid and not an adult. Ok a teenager. And I still have moments of that even now. 

This morning I was meeting up with a young engineer who had reached out to me about career advise (previous post).  And when I was diving into salary negotiations and how businesses work with salaries, I felt really grown up and experienced. Seeing my earlier self in her and how far I've come developmentally. And seeing myself through her eyes. I really am an adult adult. 

And then at work, I had the challenging task of letting go of a new staff that wasn't working out. You feel very grown up firing someone. You feel like a boss. Considering you are the boss that's not unexpected but it really drives it home. 

The third chapter of today is an email I got from a colleague, who I used to work with and still stay in touch with. He had asked if he could provide introductions between myself and a young engineer in college looking for career advise (déjà vu). I agreed and this is how he introduced me (with proper names xxed out):

"Xxx, S and I used to work together at Xxx.  S is a personal friend and is the best Sustainability person I know....she is also one of the best leaders I know."

Again, I think it's that glimpse of seeing how people see you. That different view from your regular self centeredness.  Being considered the best and a leader feels really grown up. I'm really really an adult. 

I write all this on the subway right now, on my way home after work. Looking forward to a night of making Legos. I may be an adult, and even an adult adult, but I'm still a kid too, who loves her Legos.