Reframing Lunches

As I keep writing, I love that I developed new habits and rebalanced my life. But the true test is when things get busy, do I keep with the new regime, or slip back into old ways. I was listening to a freakonomics episode that talked about habits and one comment really stuck with me.  It was about giving yourself time to change. The point being that you've had years doing things one way so changing over night just isn't balanced when you think about the science and the rewiring that needs to happen. It's all about managing expectations. 

This week I've been faced with an old habit popping up - wanting to skip making my lunch in the morning and just buy my lunch. So far I've been good.  Partly because I want to be in more control of what ingredients I consume, which on the flip side can make making my lunch harder each morning. Gone are the days of wiping up a sandwich to pack. And if I haven't batched cook, I find I need to quickly cook up some meat and veggies or complex grain in the morning and with the heat and humidity...well, you can see why I want to just buy my lunch. 

But one thing that popped into my head yesterday that helps reframe things for me is the cost. Not just a vague, lunches can get expensive kind of thing.  The usual, general arguments of its healthier to make my lunch, it saves time at lunchtime because you aren't running out to get something, and it's just expensive.  All of those I could talk my way out of with my inner voices. 

What it was, was pulling on my budgeting I've done. I had started tracking my spending during my time off so that I had a better understanding of how much I spent on what. Mainly I did this exercise because I really needed to know as I was getting to the end of my time off. It helped me tighten the belt in areas that I saw fluctuate month to month and reflect on why which then fed back to real time purchasing decisions. The point being, I know how much I spend on groceries/food per month, which includes meals out. And since I wasn't really eating out, I was pretty economical, even while sticking with healthy foods (meat and veggies are 90% of my grocery bills). 

My aha moment was when I connected that buying my lunch for one day was about the same cost I had for all my food that day. Rounding up, I spend $300 per month which is $10 per day and lunches in my area are, rounding up, $10. That really put things in perspective for me.  Why blow all my money for the day on one meal?  Now, can I afford to spend more, of course.  Would that increase the quality of my eating - not really.  Does it help my core values and principles - nope. Am I considering my future self when making decisions in the now - nope. Basically, I was succumbing to the wants in the now (not having to deal with making my lunch), and pushing the consequences onto future me. 

So, for now, I'm plugging along and not slipping into making things "easier" for the short term but at the expense of my long term. I'm following the advise of an old boss when I asked him his tips for financial planning. He said, "as you make more and more money, don't adjust your spending to correlate."  His point was you will be tempted to spend more the more disposable income you have, but it's all wants, and not needs and it's better to put it away and save. 

New Lifestyle

It wasn't until I threw the my job into the mix that I realized how much I had shifted my lifestyle - in a good way. And it's strange, on the three main categories I worked on, I graded myself, before going down this path of self growth:

1. Finances. Good - I was good at saving and not spending beyond my means. I always put the max. away for retirement and wasn't too decedent in my spending. 

2. Food. Good - I always cooked my meals and brought my lunch. I didn't eat out too often and I mostly bought unprocessed food and ate a lot of veggies. 

3. Exercise. Not great - ok, I knew I could be doing more even though I'd go hiking and canoeing and other fun things on some weekends. I knew I wasn't in the best shape cardio-wise. 

But all in all I thought I was on top of my money and food. How far I have come!  For the food, I didn't really know what processed food means and now, although I still eat everything - I didn't eliminate any food from my diet, I crave healthy meals and snacks. Sometimes it's hard when I go to an event - like a breakfast work thing and they only had not so great pastries and bagels. I love my pastries and bagels, but now if I'm going to eat them, I want to eat good quality ones. 

And on the money side, by figuring out so much through decluttering, I'm much more focused on the bigger picture. I've been sticking with my previous routine - I get $300 out of the bank at the beginning of the month and that's my spending money for everything other than the house bills (mortgage and utilities and Internet/phone). Most of my spending goes towards groceries, gas and cats with a few miscellaneous things each month. 

The other weekend I swung by my local, really nice, consignment store where I had some credit. After working for almost two months, I was finally going through and decluttering my work clothes (I had held off before because I didn't know what environment I'd be in). And I've been slowly putting together my "brand" for my work look. This has really helped me as I work through what to keep and what to buy. Although I like a lot of things, if it's not on point, I pass on it.  It feels so good getting dressed every morning, having outfits I feel great in. 

One challenge I've had is that my body weight has shifted on me again. Interestingly, it's been going down. Lower than what I was when I left the work force. I think it's because I have a good foundation of diet and constant movement (I clock over 10,000 steps each day). And my theory is, because I had a good metabolism to begin with, although aging and the associated hormones, made it harder for my metabolism to absorb whatever my lifestyle is, as long as I recenter my food and exercise, because of the good metabolism, I see the rewards. This isn't the case for everyone, depending on what metabolism they inherited. I do find the intense cardio probably helps with the weight but more so the mental health. 

All this to share my latest bonuses in life. Last weekend, I was at my local clothing used shop, trying to find a few pieces to fill my holes in my wardrobe. Especially pants that fit. I found a ton of great pieces but really deliberated about what to buy.  I even ran home and changed into some clothes/shoes I wanted to see if the pieces would go well with and came back to make a final selection. As the clerk was ringing me up and I was paying, she noticed she had forgotten to include some pink espidrilles and ended up just adding them to the bag for free!  I was so happy to find the shoes in the first place as pink espidrilles have been on my list since last summer but I didn't want to spend more than $20 and then to not only find them but get them for free. I saw it as a reward for being really good and asking myself my list of questions I've developed when trying something on. I look at the cut, drape, color, pattern, material, length (long torso). And I ask myself what I'll wear this with and plan several outfits before I consider buying it. I also ask myself where I picture myself wearing this and if it's a "what if" like I'm out on a friend's sail boat or something equally uncommon, I double check I see myself wearing it next week and decide if the piece is more for me or my fantasy self. 

I did allow myself to buy one experiment piece. A skirt in a style I'd don't usually wear but want to try with tights in the fall. I had another piece I was on the fence with and realized it was an experiment pice too because it was a color I wasn't sure of. But I said, no, only one experiment piece per month or quarter.  Anyways, I felt good about my purchases and have worn everything except the skirt so far and am loving it. Oh wait, there was a dress I got too but haven't worn yet because of my shoe situation. I dropped my vacuum on my big toe while I was cleaning it and it's slowly healing but that means no heals or wedges which knocks out most of my shoes for work. So I'm planning on wearing the dress soon, and still think it was a good purchase. Actually, the sales clerk mentioned she used to work at Nordstroms and thought she remembered the dress selling for almost $2,000 (it's Armani). I got it for a steel it turns out. And it fits divinely. 

Well today, I feel like I was rewarded again for following my good purchasing habits. I was out running errands. Trying to find fancy flat sandels I could wear for work while my toe gets better (it doesn't like being confined in shoes). As I was running errands, I realized I needed a pair of new jeans too since the ones I had on felt like they were falling down - a bit too big, and I had just the one pair. At Nordstrom rack, I went through so many sandels and found some that could work, but they weren't my brand so I passed. And I also found a few other things, like face lotion on sale, but I still have several I need to finish first even though I need something more moisturizing for my skin, and a top I liked but didn't love the color - again, not my brand. Old me would have had about four items in the check out line. New me, had two, and as I waited, I realized I should wait on the moisturizer and do my homework and formulate a plan. I didn't need to buy it now. It also helped that I had limited cash on hand and had to still run to the grocery store. I went to the clerk and she rang up my one item - my pair of jeans I found after going though dozens and finding some that were good but not great. I persevered until I found something I felt great in and wasn't too expensive. Some of the jeans were $70+ on sale which I would have considered earlier in my life, but with my new financial goals, I kept digging until I found a pair that worked and were only $30.  She rang up these jeans and said "one cent". I was a bit confused and after she repeated herself a few times, I dug out a penny from my pocket and handed it over figuring it was a donation thing or something. Nope, the jeans rang up for $0.01. I don't get it since that's not the price listed, but I didn't want to ask too many questions and the sku numbers matched. The clerk didn't bat an eye so I guess that it's not unusual. And I figured I was being rewarded for staying centered with my purchasing habits. It felt good and I'm still a bit shocked. Which makes the jeans feel even better when I wear them although it's just nice to have pants that fit well. 

First month

I finished my fourth week last week. It's amazing how fast time is flying and yet so much still to learn. I do feel like I'm slowly finding my rhythm and I'm not in discordance with the rhythm at work. I have my systems down now for my security card and subway card and commuting. 

I'm still getting used to working at a place that is so well known. Nick had made a comment a few years back about the tour buses of tourists. I saw them but didn't really experience them too much. But now. O - M - G. They bus in tourists, mostly from Asia by the big bus full. There are groups just meandering around taking pictures and getting in my way as I run across town to get to a meeting. Not really a big deal and if anything it reminds me to slow down and enjoy the backdrop of my work. 

Also, I'm happy to report, I gave myself two weeks breather from the gym and then it turned into three weeks and I had barely gone. But I was jumping into a lot of new stuff with work. So I revised and gave myself a month and I succeeded!  So far. Last week I worked it into my routine to get to the gym Tuesday and Thursday morning, come back shower, get ready and still leave by 7 am. And Saturday morning I was good and made it into the gym for the 7:30 tai chi class. Only it had been canceled last minute so I worked on my core. Then this last weekend I visited dad for Father's Day and we went hiking Saturday and canoeing Sunday. And man could I feel my core muscles both days. I had wanted to switch to Monday Wednesday and Friday for gym days but my tummy was still sore this morning so one more week of Tuesday and Thursday. But not bad meeting my goal of hitting the gym three times a week. Now I just need to keep it up. But I'll write here, in the hopes future me reads this again, I had a much better week last week and I think in part I was mentally stronger from my workouts. There's something that happens when you have a decent work out that sends the right chemicals to the right parts of the brain. 

Well, another thing I've worked on is making sure I get a good nights sleep and it's getting late so I'll sign off. It is nice to report my status as it helps motivate me to go that extra little bit which helps make the new habits. So thank you all for being my supportive accountability network. 

First Pay Check

I have to write a quick post about how nice it was yesterday when I swung by the atm to withdrawal my monthly spending budget. And seeing the balance... It was so nice to see that my first paycheck had been deposited and my account was back into that nice place. That place where I don't have to worry about money.  Something that is easy to take for granted after awhile when things are going well. Although it was stressful at the end of my Sabatical, worrying about money, I was always reminding myself how lucky I am. Not only do I have the safety net of immediate family, I have the safety net of extended family. Something many of my friends have neither of. Even so, one hates depending on others and asking for help. 

One thing I found interesting near the end, was when I was in the most need, it was the hardest to accept the generosity of others. Whereas, when I'm doing well, it's easier to accept the generosity. I guess it makes sense, because you feel like you're coming from a place of powerlessness. And it's harder to think you can reciprocate the generosity down the road. 

Looking back in my life, I've had these dips and peaks of cash flow as I went from working to grad school to working to time off. Although no one wants dips in cash flow, I found it was a useful way to recenter my spending and be more responsible with my middle class lifestyle. So many people experience what I momentarily experience, for their whole life and never get into that comfortable middle class living. 

I went through quite a few exercises over the last two years when it came to money and my spending. I tracked everything and one thing that opened my eyes was doing a six month review. I went back through my "miscellaneous" category (doesnt include groceries, car, cats, utilities and mortgage) and reviewed the spending. I divided things into three categories: necessities (like toothpaste), wanted and would buy again, wanted and wouldn't buy again. The necessities were about a quarter of my miscellaneous spending and interestingly, the things I wanted but didn't really need, over half I wouldn't have bought again. I started looking at why I bought the things in the first place and it helped me understand bad habits, the psychology wrapped up in "retail therapy" (which is not true - buying doesn't solve your issues), and how to shop smarter (some things turned out to be bad quality - I'd buy something similar again, but better quality). 

As a result of this exercise, I find I shop way less and when I have the urge to go shopping or to buy something I reflect on the why and if I can do without. I still make shopping snafus, but I learn from each mistake instead of holding on and ignoring the underlying issue. I've woken up to the way the media tries to sell us wants in the forms of needs. I used to love magazines but now I realize they are almost 100% advertisements to get us to buy stuff. Like this tool will make your life easier, or you're not a responsible home owner if you don't do this. It's even in the YouTube videos I watch and Netflix shows. 

But I'm growing learning. For example, I had a coupon for DSW and I need two types of shoes. I went to the store yesterday and found some decent options. It was quite a drive to the store and my old self would have made something work and not left empty handed. This time, I left without buying anything and learned that DSW hasn't really been a place I've found any good shoes in the last few years and maybe I need to identify other options that suit my needs better. I left the coupon on the shelf for someone else to use. 

One big thing that helps is having a bigger goal. A gift to my future self. The less I waste money now, the more comfortable I'll be later in life. For example, most of my coworkers drive to work because of where the office is, but the parking pass is several thousand dollars a year. Although it's a pain to get to work, I think, I'm "young" and can handle it now. I'll wait and buy the parking pass later when I don't have the luxury of being able to bike, etc. it's my gift to my future self. 

Which brings me to my final point. My take away from my time off is that I learned I really value my independence.  My goal is in seven years, I'll be in a position to retire. I don't want to retire, but I want to have paid off my mortgage and saved up enough to have the option. This means reshifting my thinking and looking at the bigger picture. Now the trick is to not fall in a world of frugality where you don't enjoy the here and now. But often the experiences are better than the stuff. And experiences can be free or inexpensive. It also means looking at diversification of income. I like to teach and am positioned to do that now. As I explore my new role I'm formulating an idea for a class that I hope will be something new, not in the market and aligns with my purpose of transforming the market. A nice win win. I learned from my last go around not to exclusively throw myself into my job but to have balance. 

Well, not such a quick post, but a good reminder that it's always good to step back and recenter your ways. I guess that means I'm going to start embracing New Years resolutions more as its a good place to refocus the habits. 

Power of a Piggy Back

I've read and tried the concept of piggy backing a new habit onto an existing habit. The underlying principle is it's easier to add to an existing routine than trying to start a new thing from scratch. Last year I had tried to expand my night time routine to include flossing and washing my face every night. So as I was brushing my teeth I would just add a few extra steps to incorporate these new habits I wanted to form. I forget how long I worked on it, let's say a month, and it didn't stick. 

Interestingly, I found myself pulling from the parenting playbook. I'd be brushing my teeth and wanting to skip the rest and just go to bed. But I reasoned with myself that I had to do at least one new thing, but I could choose: floss or face. Interestingly this worked quite well and I fairly consistently chose flossing. Mainly because it was faster and less messy. I think I didn't succeed because I just didn't stick with it long enough. Thy say it takes over 60 days of practice to create the rewriting in your brain for the habit to stick. 

Well, fast forward to now, and I'm wanting to wash my face on a regular basis. I stepped back, took a look at why it didn't work before and readjusted. And I have high hopes for try number two. I think my problem was I was trying to piggy back onto the last habit of my day when I am at my lowest energy. I'm still having to work hard just to make sure I do brush my teeth before bed let alone adding anything else. And I realized my night time routine is more spread out over the evening. I need to piggy back new habits onto the front end of my evening routine where possible. So today, when I came home and the first thing I do is change out of my work clothes (keeps cat hair to a minimum) into my pajamas, I took an extra step and washed my face, and applied moisturizer. It barely took any time, wasn't that onerous, and felt good I accomplished it. I feel like this could be the start of a good thing. Now I just need to look at other things I'm doing on a regular basis and add to them the stuff I want to accomplish. 

Future Self Gift Recap

Ok, after my last post about thinking about my future self, I started off strong and petered out. 

Monday evening.  I pulled out an extra toilet paper for next morning when used up roll.  Small but put a smile on my face the next day that I was thoughtful. It was kind of like my partner did a thoughtful gesture, but it was me being nice to me. 

Tuesday morning. Clean and tidy house to come home to. This was a big gift. At the end of the day I'm tired and I focus on essentials. In the morning I quickly tidied up, including putting away projects I was half done but had been laying out, unfinished for more than three days. Quick sweep of all the cat fur, and quick swipe of bathroom surfaces. And what a great gift to come home to. 

Wednesday evening. I feel like I've dropped the ball a bunch by Wednesday and my future self is picking up a lot of slack. I meant to cook some batch meals after work but sat down to rest and never got back up. As the night was coming to the end and I was exhausted, I was looking for something quick and easy I could do for my future self and realize, back to basics, I picked out tomorrows outfit, head to toe. 

Thursday and Friday I didn't consciously think of anything to do. But I've learned it takes time to adapt a new habit. So I'm practicing and learning how to rewire that part of my brain, I small step at a time. This weekend, I've been focusing on queuing up things for next week. I made a bunch of meals for next week. And I've been working a master outfit plan to keep getting dressed simple. And of course, the greatest gift is not doing too much and letting myself recharge. 

My biggest take away from this exercise was to do a combination of big and small. The small things were pleasant surprises. And at the same time it was important to step back and think what would I really appreciate. It wasn't about getting "things" done because the "things" list is never ending. It was more what would I remember and appreciate. It's kind of like Christmas/birthday gifts. There's always a long list of things that would be nice to get, but then fade into obscurity, but what are the gifts that last over time. This weeke I've really been appreciating what my weekend self did, even though I didn't even get to half of the things. But I chose well and focused on the ones that had the biggest impact. 

Gift to Future Self Exercise

Yesterday, I caught up with an old coworker who works in a different department. We hadn't seen each other for several years and caught up over lunch. One thing that we stumbled upon was a shared interest in self-improvement. We were both sharing how we had discovered what works best for us over time. Knowing your nature and working with it and not trying to work against it. 

I shared how I had found the conscious act of reframing things really helped. And that the more you actively do this the better you get at it and as a result are less stressed and for me personally, since I'm very empathetic and pick up other people's energy easily, I could make sure I was only absorbing positive stuff and letting the negative slide right off. 

We both had grown into being more realistic with our own personal expectations. Instead of trying to get a hundred things done in a day, really just focus on a few items and be more realistic about how long things take. Basically managing expectations...of our own selves. 

I've been pretty happy about what I expect I will be able to do each day. I'm a lot less demanding then I was a few years ago and don't have as unrealistic expectations of myself. I have to remind myself as I ramp up at work, what I can do in a day and how long things take. And on the home side, I just remind myself, "focus on the fundamentals". The core stuff is basically making sure I eat healthy and am presentable for work. I have a long running list of things to get done and I constantly ask myself if it's essential, or just nice to have done. The core stuff is pretty minimal and the "it would be nice" stuff I try to keep track of deadlines and no deadline stuff and some things just don't get done or get missed and it's ok. I also ask myself if it will improve my quality of life overall. So watching tv, not so much, but playing with the cats - yes. It helps me to keep the energy supply in the positive. 

Out of this, last night I was reminded of something I had learned awhile back. Thinking of doing stuff for your future self. When you postpone something until later because you think you will have more time or energy, you are piling it onto your future self and on the flip side, anything you can do in the moment, ahead of schedule, is a gift to your future self. 

Yesterday I was yawning all day, probably because of the rain, but also I was wiped out when I got home. I was tempted to just curl up in bed and hunker down for the evening. But instead, I did two chores I wasn't intending to do that evening which only took a half hour.  Getting them done ahead of when I had anticipated gave me a little surge of energy which in turn helped me make a good dinner. And then, I kept the idea of gifts to my future self in mind and just before bed, I had gone to the bathroom and noticed the paper roll was getting low and pulled out a new one before I went to bed. Something I could have easily skipped since I was tired and could put off until tomorrow. But it was so nice this morning not to have to deal with this minor issue. It was a like a gift from yesterday me. 

So, this week I'm going to try to keep an eye out for a little gift each day I can give my future self.  One act per day, five total.  And I'll try to report back.