It's strange how life puts things into perspective sometimes. Friday night I was faced with making a hard phone call. I felt like I was in highschool again and calling the boy you have a crush on. I was working out what to say in my head and even figured out what to say if I got voicemail. And yet I kept chickening out and not being able to put the call in. It was silly, especially considering how many guys I've called in my life. Don't get me wrong - it's not like I don't do it all the time, but it's also not like I've never done this before. I think it's just because I think he's so gosh darn cute, and great. Well, I finally work up the nerve, call, wait, and get voicemail.
I learned that it's probably best not to practice the message too much as I basically just rattled it off super fast (and super unnatural and dorky) and hung up. I really wanted to press ctrl-z and do it over again, but no dice.
Not a fun thing, but had to be done. Well, luckily I had left the phone by my bed (which is unusual for me) because a few hours later I get a call from a friend to find out they are in the hospital and had lost one of their new born babies. More information here.
After a long night and very little sleep, I faced the next morning having to make the call. The call to tell folks about what had happened. It kind of puts the silly boy crush call in perspective doesn't it? The strange thing is later in the day on Saturday, I was on to making calls to my people - canceling my weekend plans, getting someone to feed my boys and touching base with my parents, and although I was pretty composed (still choked up and broken voice) calling people for cece and aaron, I was a mess calling my people. My poor landlady downstairs had to play my message repeatedly to figure out what I was asking. It's just a hard thing to deal with, no matter who you are. The good in it all is the community - both theirs and mine. They have a great group of folks to lean on and ask for help from. And I found it very comforting having my people I could call on and lean on as well.
They are doing better today and continue on their process of grieving and growing. I had the pleasent treat of playing mom today. I had my god-son this morning all to myself and felt very domisticated doing laundry while keeping an eye on him. I would fold the laundry on the floor in his room and he would help me put it away in his drawers. He was very interested in helping, versus just playing and emptying the drawers. He had purpose in his actions. Then this afternoon we all drove to his doctor's appointment. Aaron set up an extra car seat in my car and I took him home while they went on to the hospital to check on the remaining twin. On the very careful drive home I couldn't help admire my new "outfit". This beautiful snazzy car with this beautiful, perfect little boy in the back seat - happy as happy could be. He even took care of himself and part way home I look back and he had put his binky in and decided to take a nap - no crying, no help needed, he had it covered. It was so nice to be able to bring him in and put him down for his nap - all snuggly and peaceful. His new thing is he loves being chased. He's just a bundle of joy. And so cute too!
Well, I made it home tonight. I think I brushed my teeth for 10 minutes. It had been awhile. Quite awhile and nothing compares to a toothbrush. I've got quite a day at work tomorrow, so really need to turn in. Sleep is good.
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