Christmas Decorations: Part 1, Trees

I feel like a big part of Christmas is the decorations of the season and I always get pleasure out of having my house decorated. I've accumulated a bunch of Christmas stuff over the years.  At first everything fit into one bankers box but now I'm up to three not counting the extra boxes for the big stuff: my tree stand, wreath, Scandinavian star and metal tree ornament holder. Earlier this year I had done a quick going through.  And had the resolution this season to either use all the decorations or else consider letting go of stuff. 

I took a bunch of pictures before I left for the road trip down to VA for Christmas. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I had splurged on three trees. This is the Christmas of the Christmas trees.  It took me a whole day running around greater Boston trying to find a way to stand up the two little trees. They were only $10 each and I hated buying more tree stands that cost almost as much, and didn't look that great. Luckily, I've been pinning to Pinterest Christmas stuff the last few years so had some good inspiration. After stops at four different stores in four different towns, I finally found these great galvanized buckets that I could use in other ways throughout the year. No luck finding pea gravel, apparently it's out of season right now, but I did find some marble chips and that seemed to work keeping the trees upright. They sit in my dining room and aren't they marvelous? This may become a new tradition for me. 

Each one is decorated with my ornaments, from what I call my scandanavian collection. It's mostly straw ornaments and red stars. 

Plus a few new ornaments from my travels this year, and past. A peace dove I picked up at the ICC in The Hague. The building was closed to visitors but the museum and gifts shop were open. The curly que is from one my favorite little boutiques in Brattleboro, VT.

On the other tree, I topped it with an ornament from one of the small villages in Transylvania, and the dove below is from Iceland. 

And the little angel in a walnut shell, I also picked up in Romania this spring. 

I forget where my moose came from, but I'm going to guess VT.  At least that's what I think of when I see it.  

And the cats favorites, a few felted acorns.  The first night the trees were up, I heard the cats playing with something in the early dawn hours, and realize it must have been a few of these acorns. I've been on the hunt to find where they hid them.  The acorns are from the Decorative Arts museum in Ohio. 

A few days later, after living with the decorated trees, I wanted to put something under them, like wrapped gifts and then it dawned on me.  My few remaining stuffed animals that I have tucked away. This would be a perfect little home for them and a way to enjoy them at the holidays. 

Wallis, really loves the little bear on the right, sitting in the front. I will often find him in the morning, as a gift, presented to me on my bed, or at the floor by my bed. Every day, I end up putting a few bears back in their place, but no damage done. 

I don't have a picture of these trees at night, all lit up and am sure my camera won't do them justice at night. It's so nice walking by and seeing them all twinkling. I also don't have a great picture of my main tree in my living room I realize. 

I have it decorated with my second collection of Christmas ornaments. I usually will alternate each year between the two collections.  But not this year, I got everything out and on the trees, or elsewhere. This tree is decorated from the ornaments of the years.  Starting with wooden ornaments from my childhood and include a few given to me as a child, like the little cross stitch one from Mrs Angus, one of my piano teachers, who was on the Air Force base, or the gold Norman Rockwell scenes from grandparents.  And include ornaments I picked up in the different places I've lived over the years. 

And that's not all.  I forgot I actually have a fake tree. It's a little guy that I decorated with red berries and have quietly tucked away in the phone cubby off the dining room. 

What's that count so far?  Four, right.  But I also ended up making a tree. As I mentioned earlier, I wanted to make sure I was enjoying all the decorations.  Why have them, and then keep them boxed up during the holidays. The two little trees couldn't quite take all the scandanavian ornaments, so the extras I made a winter scene, in the same room, on the opposite wall from the table top trees. 

The extra straw stars I've picked up at a Swedish festival, ten thousand villages back when I volunteered there and from travel, I have up in the sky.  And the extra straw pine cones I arranged as a tree. And all I used was a little bit of masking tape. You can see a little bit of the big tree in the background. 

The final Christmas tree, that brings the count up to six, I had nothing to do with but still get to enjoy it. My neighbors downstairs, put big white Christmas lights on the pine tree out front which compliments nicely our white candle lights in the front windows. 

Christmas Trees

Wow, I hadn't realized I was two months behind posting. One of my faithful readers reached out via email to see what I've been up to. I knew I wasn't blogging much these days, but thought I was doing at least a post once a month. Keeping with the pattern I should fill you in with October and November updates, but instead, I have to share my story from last night.

Yesterday, after lunch I hit my errand run list.  I have a hard time running to just one store, especially if it's not just down the street. I like to bundle for efficiency but yesterday, there was a lot.  I'd like to say I was running to stores to pick up Christmas gifts, but looking at my haul, there was only one Christmas gift in the mix.  On a side note, I did discover at the mall, that Primark is about to open. I feel like it's been a British Invasion this year from target and rite aid starting to carry some British line lotions to now Primark popping up all over Boston. Not sure if they carry stuff I'd like but after following a few British youtubers and hearing about their Primark hauls, I'm curious. 

The impetuous of the outing yesterday, was a last minute change in my weekend plans.  I'm heading over to a friends house today, whose husband has a wood shop, and who is my go to for cutting wood.  I started looking at table saws this year, but besides being an investment, I just respect the safety and don't like the idea of working with a saw without someone around to call 911, just in case something goes terribly wrong. But I do have a bunch of wood projects I would like to tackle. For now, the easy one, adding a shelf to my closet shoe shelf and raising an existing shelf a few inches so even my heels can fit.  Between summer and winter and dress and casual, I found it difficult to pare down my shoes to fit my earlier shoe shelf I made a few years back.

Anyways, by the time I hit 6 pm, and after visiting a handful of stores and crossing stuff off my list, I'm on the fence whether I should head over to Lowes or just call it a day and save the project for after the holidays. But I decide to persevere and a ten minute drive turns into at least 30 minutes crawling on the highway to get three exits over. The parking lot is pretty empty, compared to the rush hour traffic I just battled. And I see Christmas trees out front. I'm planning on picking up a tree this morning over by their house since there are more small garden centers out their way. But maybe, I think, I should, just get one now (last night) at lowes. The prices aren't much cheaper and in the end I couldn't do it.  I want to buy local when possible.  So I get my wood, figure out a configuration so it fits in my back seat (the challenges of a car whose seats don't go down) and I'm off. Except my gps is putting me back on the highway that is packed. I drive in the general direction of home on surface streets, no idea where I am, and before you know it I recognize a small lake.  It's where I did orienteering at the end of summer. As I'm driving home, I pass by a local nursery I've visited before. Side note, this is where I got a few plants when I was trying to green up my place.  One fern died the second day I was home, a few other plants lasted a week or so and my ficus tree held on, but after a month and loosing half its leaves, I found a new home for it at my neighbors' office.  The only remnant from that trip, is my favorite window planter in the kitchen and my mother-in-law tongue plants.  I bought three and now have 10 since they keeping propagating and are super low maintenance.  So not a complete loss. 

I had forgotten they have a whole big Christmas business. It's humming with people and I pull in to the parking lot to check things out. It's local, it turns out to be very affordable, and it's only one town over. I'm excited because I think I may have found my new go-to for Christmas tree place.

In past years I've gotten a few trees from VT, and with friends in the burbs, but my only regular place has been the local Boys and Girls club where every time, I feel like I bring home a half dead tree and half the needles fall out the second day. I like supporting them, but want a better tree. 

The trees are real, in that they haven't been perfectly manicured and have character. And I start in the small lot and move my way up in size trying to figure out what size tree would work best. Here, I have to stop, and share that for a few years now I've been dreaming of having more than one Christmas tree. It's extravagent so hasn't materalized. I have slowly acquired enough Christmas ornaments for three different trees.  One batch is my childhood wooden ornaments, the second batch is my Scandinavian blond straw ornaments. These two styles I usually alternate.  And I inherited all our childhood Christmas cookie cutters which I thought would make neat ornaments with a bit of red ribbon. Each year I evaluate where the tree should go. In the living room in front of the picture window, or over on the other wall, at the end of the living room?  Or maybe in my back sunroom or even in my dining room. These days some of the locations don't work with the new furniture arrangements though. But Pinterest certainly gives a lot of inspiration.

Back to last night.  I found my tree and loved that it was at least $10 or $20 cheaper than what I usually pay. And I had just walked through the shorter trees and explored options. So I couldn't resist and in the end, I loaded my car up with three Christmas trees!  The total was about $5 more than what I usually pay and my car was exploding with pine (I don't like to put it on top in case it scratches the car). It seems like a lot, but one is my regular tree and then I got two table top like trees. I say "like" because I got them home, and it looks like they might be a tad too big for the space I planned. I feel like I have a pass this year since I just learned last week that I'm the only one left in my family bringing home a Christmas tree!  What has happened to my world?  I can't imagine a Christmas without the ritual of bringing home a tree, decorating it and enjoying the smell of pine throughout the house. That's half the fun of Christmas. I do get that the tree can be a mess and after getting home late last night I just wanted to grab a bite and crawl into bed but had to lug the trees upstairs, dig out the tree stand and get them set up so they could have their water. And if I remember right, nick and I did the tree decorating for a bunch of the years growing up.  It's become my thing and I'm just excited to have a house full of trees... And so do Wallis and Webster. 

I'm still not done yet though. The smallest tree stands cost more than the trees themselves and pretty cheaply made, so I passed.  I dug out my tall jam making pot and filled it with water and after a little wrangling have both the small trees intertwined sharing the pot for now.  Quick research this morning and I think I'm on the hunt for a nice looking base (my preference is a copper or tin bucket) container and buying pea gravel. But first, I'm off to my local toy store to pick up presents for the birthday party today (they were closed by the time I made it home last night).  And the dry cleaners to drop off my old childhood living room curtains that I picked up from moms at thanksgiving and lugged home.  They go perfectly in my bedroom. Need to figure out how to hang them with the way grandmas sewed the top, but that's another project for another day. 

I can't wait to decorate the trees tomorrow. Oh, just remembered I may need to pick up some more Christmas lights too. Hopefully I'll share some pictures in the future, so stay tuned 

September update

It's crazy how little I post when not in transit (I.e. commuting).  This morning I just got done dropping dad and Barbro off at the airport. They are off to Colorado. We hit a bunch of commuter traffic on the way there but was lucky enough we qualified for the commuter lane and zipped through. I did ask the toll booth collector, on my way out of logan when they are going toll less.  October 28th. I need to decide if I should get the ez pass. Kind of liken to having it and will miss the nice toll keepers. It's definitely an end of an era. 

Afterwards, I visited a new store, Russo's in Watertown.  It's a local grocer with a ton of produce. It kind of reminded me of Berkeley Bowl in California. They both have a ton of produce you've never heard of.  A french friend recommended the place for their cheese selection and prices. They didn't have my favorite cheese, brilliant-savant. Although I did find some cheese with the same name but seemed to be flavored - bananas or pineapples.  I forget what anas is. In the end I got a cheese that was right next to them and super fragrant, Prefere de nos Montagnes. I can't wait to try it. I was able to find my currants for a Moroccan lamb dish I'm making. And next to them were dried cantelope.  Have you ever heard of that?  And what's a Florida avacado? I got one of those too.  They are almost twice the size and when I shook it you could hear the pit. They had a pound of rolled Amish butter in butter. I always want to buy some when I'm in ohio or Virginia visiting, but it doesn't travel that well. The place was quite crowded for a mid-morning Tuesday. I hear it's crazy on the weekends.  

Overall the place is like Wilson's in lexington. Mostly produce with a cheese shop, bakery and deli. I love these places. Russo's has a completely different vibe, having a large Italian contigency. The waspy Wilson's seems calm after playing bumper cars with the older Italian women. Plus Russo's is just more crowded in their layout. 

I hit up Target on my way back and man my bill got expensive. I unpacked everything and it's just a lot of little things that just add up. I only popped in for the 2 gallon zip bags. They had a sale on my laundry detergent and the special is buy 3, get 1 free. So that added up. But now I'm set for a long long time. I hit up the beauty aisles first to check out a product I had seen online. As I was looking, an associate walked up and asked me if I needed help. Usually I hate being interrupted by my shopping and just like to be left to myself. If I need help, I'll seek it out. But this time I was more friendly and she turned out to be really helpful. I was trying to find a cream I had seen on a youtube beauty chanel. I didn't expect to find it this visit since I hadn't written it down and in the end, she found it for me. It's a La Roche-Posay product. The whole aisle was target's british products. Which is awesome since I tend to watch more british youtubers which makes it hard buying products from Boots (the UKs CVS). The make-up wipes even had the Boots logo on it. I love it! No need to import the stuff from my trips.  And as an added bonus, after the associate finished helping me she gave me a little goody bag with samples - a lotion I wanted to try, a hair mask and even some chewy vitamins. Good lesson learned, it doesn't hurt to be friendly to the sales people, even if you don't really want to socialize. 

Then off to the Fromaggia shop in Cambridge.  Their cheeses are expensive but their bakery breads are so affordable and good.  And just down the street I popped into a little old antique store. The prices were not that bad for the area and such a nice mix of old English, Japanese and Art Deco. I made friends with the owner, Lee and walked out with a wall mirror. I was trying to negotiate the price, but couldn't find a second item that wasnt too much. In the end I was good and just bought the one item.  I was resigned to pay the marked price since it was just the one item.  And he ended up ringing me up with a discount of about $7. I love that type of negotiating, where you don't ask and they just give you a better price. I think it helped that I talked him up during my perusing. 

I'm back home to whip up some cheesecake coconut bites and Moroccan cous cous lamb dish. I've been working through my pile of recipes ripped from magazines and pinned on pinterest. It's amazing how many recipes I've accumulated. About a dozen variations on cornbread with something (apples, bacon,etc).  I'm organizing all the recipes I like into a cookbook, done by season and identifying ingredients not usually in my pantry. The purpose being, I'll have something leftover, like coconut milk I didn't use the entire container and now need to use in another recipe. My challenge is that I have a lot of dessert recipes. Cookies alone, I probably have about 30 recipes. And being that I'm eating less sugar, whats a girl to do.  I'm planning on baking up goodies before visits and giving stuff away.  That or doing half recipes. 

August update

It's strange experiencing the summer sans an air conditioned office. Granted, during the commute, I got to sweat on some of the non-AC buses on hot and humid summer days, but that's just an hour a day. Living through days of hot and humid weather, I feel like I'm transported back to my childhood. Where you do whatever you want, but then are sometimes just plumb exhausted from the humidity and just lounge around trying to keep your internal temperature stable. It's been too hot to knit and and too hot to paint, which means, I put off the prep part of rooms.  

I've been making headway on paper files and computer data, on hot days. I used to think I was about 90% done going through everything I own. Now, I realize I don't think I was even half done if you go by number of items. Actually, now I'm thinking I may have 90% to go.  It's amazing how much I've collected in terms of data and for me, paper. I've been making good progress on getting my photos organized. And for files, I've gotten a filing cabinet down to two partially full paper boxes.  One box for long term keeping (I.e. Old tax files, mortgage paperwork), and the other for files to keep for the year or reference. I've been going through each file and organizing it. For example, I went through and cleaned out my dental file.  No need to keep track of every cleaning and now I have a summary sheet I made of my dental work.  Another incentive to floss more. It really reduces the space and I feel like I can easily find whatever I'm looking for. It feels good. I still have a long ways to go, but making progress. 

This last weekend, it was cooling down enough, I thought I'd make it to the first orienteering meet up of the season.  There are none during the summer when it's too hot and humid. Granted, I did have the AC on in the car on my way to the meet, which should have given me a heads up.  But there was a nice breeze and the course was around a pond. By the time I was heading towards the second marker I was sweating and had abandoned any attempt of running. I think it was the humidity. I do so enjoy the challenge and reward of finding markers and this time I was far enough away from other people that no one gave away the spot by proximity. It was a gorgeous day as long as I stayed in the shade and didn't exert myself too much. As I was hiking up a hill, I found I was sweating in the most unusual place. Not on my face or the usual places, but my elbows!  At first I thought I had brushed up against something wet. Nope, I was dripping sweat out of both elbows, how strange. I did pretty well, not having to meander too much looking for the marker. Looking at the results, I was in the bottom half.  The first place person did it in almost a third of my time. I don't know how people ran in that heat and humidity. 

The nice thing is that I want to get better times so am incentivized to take up running. I had put off starting up again until the weather was more bearable. On Monday, although the temperatures were about the same, the humidity had gone. It is sooo nice. Perfect way to start day one of "couch to 5k". Except for one thing.  I was so sore the next day and today. My legs are sore and I have shin splints a bit. Strange, since I was taking it easy during the hike. At first I was thinking it was because I was just so out of shape. But the previous weekend I had gone biking one day and canoeing the next day and minimal soreness. I think that's why I like orienteering even more. It's such a good overall workout. 

I'm trying to make the most of these nice days, forecast says more humidity is coming soon.  The upside is I get more snuggles with the kitties.  Still trying to get through a few open projects before starting new projects.  I'm stuck on a few snags. Need to just bite the bullet and figure out what to do. I keep reminding myself it doesn't have to be perfect. 

I have been getting into a morning routine which includes tidying everything in the house. My mind likes order but being home more, things tend to explode more. Nothing like nipping things in the bud before they grow too much. Well, I'm off to figure out how to frame my more challenging prints. 

Marie Kondo Method of Tidying

I'm finally getting around to post my experience and realizations after reading Marie Kondo's, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up.  It's a quick read and most of it seems like fluff, not much concrete things, but after reading it I put the book in my keep pile. I think the writing style works and I found I related to her approach and was surprised we both had similar histories with organizing. She goes through her trials and errors of organizing from her early years to know and her aha moments. 

I started in January and got the bulk of the stuff done by March. I'm still not done, still have a few topics left. Almost done with paperwork and have yet to tackle mementos, and haven't started with digital files. Kondo is particular about the order of the stuff you tackle and in the most part I followed it.  I found it helpful starting with the easier stuff, although I didn't think of it as easy at the time. Here's my notes;

1. I started by making a detailed list of stuff to go through so I had a road map. I would find I'd forget something, like medical supplies, and add it to the list. Everything from breaking down my clothes into categories like coats, underwear, handbags to breaking down my projects like art supplies, knitting supplies, sewing supplies. I included everything, even shipping boxes and luggage. This did two things, first it made me realize how much stuff is tucked away and it created manageable chunks. I gave myself a year to make it through the everything and was surprised how fast I made it through the first 80%. 

2. I tried to tackle one subject matter at a time, and then clean up before moving onto the next bunch of stuff. One thing I didn't do well which I highly recommend is to dispose of the stuff after each round. Like take it out of the house, no longer in your ownership. I basically put it in corners or the basement and after awhile it was a big mess and tempting to move things back into the keep pile. 

3.  The whole premise of the KonMarie method is not to weed stuff out but only keep the things that are important to you. You put everything from all over the house in one pile and pick out the good stuff you want to keep,get rid of the rest and then figure out storage once you know the size of storage needed. I think it helped me tackling a ton of stuff in the first two months because it helped me really change my mindset, how I was thinking about stuff. 

4. Does it spark joy? Is a good mantra. It helped me look at something and step back. Sometimes, something used to spark joy, but now not so much and that's ok.  Like a set of sheets I bought years ago and loved but now I'm not as wild about them but didn't realize I didn't really love them anymore because I kept using them out of habit. In addition to the joy question I'd also ask myself if I would buy it now and would I pay full price. One thing that helped me but might not be for everyone is that the thing wants to make you happy, so if it's not sparking joy, stuffed in the back of the closet not really used or forgotten, then it's not fulfilling it's purpose and isn't happy. I know my socks don't have feelings but this helped me. Maybe it's from watching the Toy Story movies and feeling bad for the forgotten toys. They would be so happy if a new kid would play with them instead of being abandoned. It gave me that extra little push to let go of things i was on the fence.

5. Function can give joy. Even if it's not gorgeous. I started looking at my pots and pans and realized some were more useful than others. I let go of a bunch of frying pans and man I love my small pot more than I did before. In turn this means I take better care of my stuff because I appreciate their function that much more.

6. On the flip side, function is not an excuse to keep something. I had an extra kitty litter box.  Very functional but don't really need it.  Need to let go of the what ifs. Mi thanked it for it's usefulness over the years and said goodbye. 

7. Which leads me to something I really had to dig into.  Why do I keep stuff for what ifs? It comes from times when I was much more economically challenged. In my frugal days you had to keep something because you couldn't afford to buy a new one if you needed it. I watched a few shows of Horders on tv and that helped quench my habit of keeping boxes of used twine and other random stuff I can easily afford to rebut if needed. I also found I had trouble throwing stuff out because of the environment. I didn't want to be wasteful and toss stuff.  Me keeping stuff isn't really helping anything, and having a garage sale and sharing stuff with family works. Nick took a few of my travel toothpastes. 

8. Sometimes I'd find I'd hold something and it wouldn't exactly spark joy but I was hesitant.  I did like it. Often I found that it was lacking joy because it wasn't being useful although I did really like it. For example I had a jacket that I liked but didn't really have an outfit for it, so I let it convince me. I allowed myself to have a small pile that is a "convince me" pile, also referred to as my "use it or lose it" pile. I didn't put the stuff back in with the other keepers and I revisited it periodically these last few months. I had a bunch of food that I wasn't really going to use but put in the pile and then design recipes around them. My thinking is that at the end of the year anything in the "convince me" pile goes. I have a few projects that I think I'll do but have yet to do, after several months, off it goes. 

9. I found this process overlapped with what I've read about french women and their clothes. They buy a few good quality classics and take good care of them. I got the quality classics but would skip over the take care of them part. If it sparks joy, you start treating your stuff with more respect. I found I was loving my socks that I kept even more. As a result I ended up de-pilling them. 

10.  After I got done with my clothes it was amazing how I felt. I've gone through my closet and dresser many times, but this time was different. I felt like I lost weight. Everything has it's own spot, no different than before, but this time, the stuff is in their home.  Everything is in it's special place. The room feels more airy, even though visually it's exactly the same. But behind the doors, things can breath now, not just orderly, but no longer crowded. I let go of the clothes that don't fit - I tried on stuff this time and was surprised some favorites don't work anymore. I let go of pieces that were a great deal, or expensive but didn't work anymore for me.  I also let go of sentimental things.  Do I really need the t-shirt from my first engineering company which I've never really worn?  Nope. My closet feels curated - it looks almost like those closets in design magazines that I drool over. One thing that helped was selling my stuff. I ended up going with thredup because it was less work for me.  I order a bag, send it in full of clothes and they go through and pick out stuff that is sellable. Most of my stuff they paid me straight out, the more expensive things are on consignment. So far I've gotten over $100 with about a 40% hit rate of what they accepted.  They donate the other stuff. 

What I asked myself is when I tried something on, is this something I would wear on a: corporate interview, relaxed interview, first date - evening, first date - day. Does it make me feel great. It helped me start zeroing in on my personal style. What do I feel great in because it compliments your coloring, your body type, etc.  I found I love button down shirts but not really on me. So I went from having 15+ to only five. And it's ok to keep an item that gives joy but doesn't work yet. I had this one pair of striped pants I loved but nothing to wear with it and then one day brought home this sweater that went perfectly and it became one of my favorite outfits. Until the pants got ripped beyond repair - ugh. 

11. It's not about not having anything. It's about keeping the stuff you love. For me I love bed linens. When I went through them I figured out which sheets go with what blankets/comforters and my new bedroom color.  I had some sheets I loved but would not use in my bedroom. I repurposed them as fabric. I've made a duvet cover for my guest bed and am using some as slipcover fabric for chairs. In the end, is till have two shelves of bed sheets for my bed.  But that's ok, I love sheets and I have them all beautifully displayed. 

12. Keep your eye on the prize. One thing I found really helpful is to look at my pinterest account and decorating magazines. I love some of these rooms and it helped remind me of the look I wanted. Such beautiful rooms and vignettes that I wish I had more of. It helped remind me I was being held back by stuff. They always say edit the room and then edit some more. For me I love the scandanavian white minimalist style and the old English country house with layers of history, overflowing with family heirlooms. I started looking at my stuff and comparing it to the pictures. These rooms were filled with gems.  Some rooms had two gems others had 200 gems. And not all stuff are gems. As I've been creating vignettes, I try to stick with simple, not many items. Theory is it's easier to clean too. 

13.  Containers. I love organizational containers, but don't buy any. The whole point is to go through everything first and then find the right size container. Kondo encourages using what is on hand, and that's what I did. I developed a pile of boxes of all different sizes. In my medicine closet, when I organized it I used small boxes first and lived with that for a few months. Then, when it was tested, I upgraded to nicer storage. I made a special trip to NYC to go to Muji and save on shipping. My thinking is everything should spark joy, even your storage. I've even added a shelf in my linen closet and got some ikea containers that fit perfectly. 

14.  If it sparks joy, why is it hiding?  As I've been making my way through everything, I've been conscious of where I put things. Functional things I don't use often, goes in the back closet.  Functional things I use frequently is on display and easy to access.  I have a lot of mementos I've collected from my travels and I've been working on finding a home for everything. I've been more conscious of where the homes of things are. I found an extra shampoo on the top shelf on my closet - in the overspill area. I had forgotten it was there. I'm too old to remember the location of everything so I'm working on making everything visual or logical where it is. 

15.  Which leads me to why do I have multiples. I've been migrating more towards the european style of buying what you need versus the american way of buying a costco case of something that will last you a decade. Take toothpaste. Mine lasts pretty long, why have a spare or two?  There are three drugstores within walking distance. Now I only buy toothpaste when my current one is getting to the end. You know how much space this frees up?  Why have a mini-store in your house with a years worth, or more of TP, paper towels, toiletries, dry goods, etc. 

16. As my mother and friends know from my help organizing, one of my favorite mantras is 'like with like'. I was doing it on the micro scale but the book made me think about it on the macro scale. It makes it so there is less to remember where things are. I had cleaning products in the linen closet, back closet, under the sink and in the basement. When I pulled everything together, I had tons.  Now they are all together in the back closet. And I got rid of half of the stuff. Well, they are in the "convince me" pile which means I'm trying to use them up before the end of the year. In a strange way, I'm doing more cleaning as a result, just so I can use up the products instead of throwing them away. I ended up putting in a new shelf in the back closet to help with easy access. And I'm finding, instead of having a cluttered under the sink, I can walk ten feet to the back closet. An upside of having a small place - not far to walk. 

17. As I was going through everything I kept a notepad and created an "upgrade" pile. I found I had some things that didn't spark joy but need to keep until I get something that does spark joy. Two examples is my bikini and my spatula. Both functional and something I use in the year. 

18. And finally, it's amazing what you find. My place is small and I'm fairly well organized, but sometimes things go missing. I found a ton of stuff and saved me money, everything from my vacuum charger, rubber gloves, cat leashes, paprika and even white pillowcases that had disappeared. The two best was a maple syrup sampler which was perfect timing since I was near the end of my syrup supply. And one of my favorite throw blankets that I had yet to use, I discovered worked as a big winter scarf, european style, that goes perfectly with one of my jackets. 

It's been good writing this up because it is easy to slide back into old habits of holding onto things. It was good timing this year, I was traveling a bunch after the initial round of tidying and when I was considering buying something I would ask myself if it really sparked joy and where would it's home be. Because the true secret of keeping things tidy is not to bring in a lot of stuff to begin with. 

July update

You'd think I'd be blogging more since I'm not working the long hours, but I find I'm really liking not being on a computer and doing computer stuff. I have to keep reminding myself that at the start of the year I told myself it's ok not to have a laundry list of accomplishments from this time off. But sometimes, I feel like I should have more to show.  Like finished projects, my bedroom is still not quite finished painiing and I still have a pile of boxes with my work files yet to go through. 

Although I don't have a lot of physical things to point too that I've accomplished, I do give myself credit for accomplishing more of the unseen stuff. I've really enjoyed the Kondo Marie process of going through my belongings and really taking stock of what I own and why. It's helped provide structure for me to address psychological attachments and thinking. It's easy to fall back into the old way of thinking and all but I do think I'm making progress. My latest aha moment was the memories. The last section of the house to tackle are your mementos and I have those in spades.  Actually ten boxes full of old birthday cards and playbills and who knows what else. Stuff to remember events by. I was thinking I'd turn it all into well curated books - my memoir, detailing every event of my life that I could. Sounds overwhelming, doesn't it?  And for what purpose, not to forget?  That was my aha moment, just like when I went through my clothes at the very beginning, I really only want to wear what looks good on me and makes me feel good.  Same with memories. I mean a t-shirt might be comfy and I've had it for years, but if it's seen better days and I only wear it out of habit, why have it?  Why not wear a nicer shirt?  Same with memories, I really only need to keep the ones that I want and that I feel good about, that spark joy. By keeping everything, I loose the good stuff in the mix. 

The other thing I've found self-improvement on is my physical health. I'm so happy I stumbled upon orienteering this spring. I really love it - being out in nature, the Easter egg hunt for the markers, the puzzle solving, and a little bit of competitiveness. I want to take up trying to run again, but this time, not because I feel like I should, but because I want to get faster for orienteering. That's the best way to stay successful. 

And the Whole30 has been really eye opening. I wish I could write out a whole laundry list of what foods make me feel like what. But no such luck. I've had social stuff, where I don't want to be that person who can't eat anything, so I eat socially. And I've tried reintroducing foods back in, but have trouble figuring out cause and effect. What I have found is that the old waffle/pancakes/toast breakfast I used to live on makes me super tired. I was driving for an appointment after breakfast yesterday  and about half an hour in I was so tired. I think I've found I can have gluten/carb breakfast once and I'm ok, but several days in a row and I get hit with the sleepiness. I can tell my tummy is digesting foods differently these days. At home, on my own, I usually will eat only meat and vegetables for each meal because I just feel better. And if I have guests or are eating out, I'll add grains and legumes. I've yet for really introduce dairy yet. I wanted to try to reset the system again and the reintroduce it, but need a chunk of time with no social food eating times. Also, I'm finding the uber hot and humid days kind of kill all results - it knocks me out. So hard to tell what the food is doing. The one thing I've been really diligent about is sugar. I've really opened my eyes to sugar and have posted on this before.  I've really only had dessert once.  My uncle fred made some desserts for the fourth.  I didn't want to be rude and felt like it was a special occasion. He had made three, and I found that I couldn't eat the third - a parfait, because I was just too full and had too much sugar. Old me would have still tucked it away but new me put I back in the fride for someone else to enjoy. 

I'm not going to not eat sweets but now I'm just waiting to indulge for something that is really good and nothing put in front of me has been in that upper level. It is so nice to have my sugar cravings fade into the background. I think they'll always be there. I'll still get an occasional wish of eating something sweet - and want to run to the store and pick up one of my standbys like Little Debbie Swiss Rolls. But they are so bad for you and I ask myself why.  Often it's because it's close to meal time and I'm just hungry. Or I didn't eat enough for my meal. I feel much more aware of what I'm eating which is strange because I would have said I was aware of what I was eating months ago. Anyways, I love that I have a much better handle on my energy level and I love that I put my growing belly in check. I hate to be one of those people that is body conscious, partly from media standards, but now I'm glad that I was a bit. I feel like I'm eating much healthier as a result and have a lighter step. I've still got a bit of a belly, not flat like it was in my twenties, but that's just it - it's the right belly for my age. 

The one thing I've not learned yet is how to bear the hot humidity. I think I'm only writing this post because today is the one day we get a break from the weather. A nice day where I can do tons. Actually I should cook a bunch of food. It's hard to bake beats when it's 90 and humid. 

And the last thing to report is that my Wallis got a clean bill of health yesterday. We had her final check up.  The X-rays (they don't call them that anymore, I think it's referred to as radiographs), showed she was healed perfectly. So she can now be off restricted movement. Frankly I had pretty much let her run and jump awhile back.  But now, I can remove all the boxes I set up as steps to the couch, bed, etc. She was so good on the drive too. She even took a nap out to the vet (it's about an hour drive and well worth it, not only were they cheaper, but so much nicer). I'm so happy she's back to her full self. And her fur is almost grown back too. 

Reintroduction

Well, nothing much to report on findings. I kind of messed up my eating on Sunday. I went orienteering Sunday and had a big breakfast before I left, which I think might have been too big, since ten minutes into the race, I wasn't feeling well, and had to take a breather. I think part of it was because everyone started off running and I did too, but the way I went include a long steep hill. Oh, and did I mention it was hot.  I don't know how people jog in the summer. Basically I think I overheated. I did the rest of the course walking and was good. 

But afterwards, there was a BBQ and I just wasn't hungry, so didn't grab my packed lunch from the car. By the time I left it was after 4 and I did feel hungrish and ate a bit of my rice meal before hitting up the ikea nearby. Btw, I was good and only bought two things not on my shopping list. One being these awesome potting plants they discontinued. I bought a bunch years ago and have been checking for more every visit since. This time I saw one on display upstairs, so looked in the gardening department. No luck, so I asked this fellow that was restocking (I had taken a picture of the display one). Talk about luck, he was restocking several that someone had returned. Except there weren't any on the shelves, these seemed to be the only ones on sale in the whole store. I took them all and was so excited. 

Anyways, by the time I got home, it was late and I had a quick bite to eat. And then Monday I was tired. But I think it was from all the stuff from Sunday so I couldn't really tell the effect of the rice. So I finished my lunch from Sunday on Monday. And still I can't tell. Oh, and did I mention it's now hot... and humid. Ugh. It's just slowed me down and I don't have much of an appetite. Which is normal - heat and humidity always effect me like this. That's why I love winter and don't fully get the summer obsession of my friends. Plus I'm not spending big chunks of my day in AC. 

The thing I'm finding with switching my main food staples, is that for the last few weeks, I don't have a loud "I'm hungry" stomache.  It's not that I'm not hungry, it's just hard to hear. And even with this heat, I find I'll make myself fix a meal at mealtime even though I'm not feeiling hungry, and then I gobble it all down and find I was hungry and didn't realize. Not a big deal, since the point is to eat three meals on a regular schedule, so it's not like I need respond to the stomache but it does help motivate you to get into the kitchen. 

I did have some fresh peas yesterday, my first legumes, and not really part of the reintroduction plan. But they were at my market and I love shucking sweet peas, and they are soo good uncooked and fresh. I'm basically bagging the reintroduction for right now, since I'll be introducing a lot of non meat and vegetables when I travel for the fourth. I'll try to keep eating mostly meat and veggies but will wait when I come back, zero out again and then retry foods. Not sure what I'll do about the heat factor. 

I've not really had any sugar - no sweets. The only sugar is the caramel coloring in my balsamic vinegar. I did have a dream last night that I ate a slice of coffee cake, and not the special wonderful kind, but some store bought, mass produced, off the shelf kind. And I was conscious in the dream that it wasn't that great.  Interesting. 

So the plan, keep sugar intake to a minimum, of only quality, special goodies. And try the reintroduction period again in a few weeks. 

Whole30 I made it to Day 30

I did it!  I made it through all thirty days. Yesterday I went to the BBQ I mentioned before. Lots of temptation and I didn't really set myself up well. I wasn't super hungry these last few days, so lunch time yesterday I was in the middle of a project and kept putting off eating. Until I was scrambling getting ready to run out the door. I ate a few strips of steak and a banana on the go. I wasn't super full but figured I could eat stuff at the BBQ. 

Except the spread was all desserts and pasta salads and other stuff. The only items that were compliant were fruit platters and hamburgers from the grill. The first few had cheese on them, but then a bunch came out that were plain. I had thought there would be some veggies.  None, there was maybe one pasta dish that a tiny amount of tomatoes. But not a single green vegetable, solo or in a dish. Isn't that crazy. 

It was nice being able to talk about the Whole30 with a few people. I ended up talking with the girlfriend of my friends brother for quite awhile about it. She just was diagnosed with super low iron. Her energy levels had dropped so low she had trouble walking a block with out becoming winded. And now that she was on iron supplements, it was like night and day.  We talked about how the energy levels just slowly dropped over time, and you end up just pushing through and attributing it to life - stress and getting old. But now that things have shifted, you are just so appreciative of the new energy.  The whole time we were talking, I kept thinking "don't blow it".  Her boyfriend (my friends brother), is going to ask her to marry her this weekend, but it hadn't happened yet.  And I didn't want to be the one to let the cat out of the bag. I was good though, so she didn't suspect anything from me.   

When it came to the sugar, I did take a look at the cookies and cupcakes and other sweets. And although I wanted to try some, it was more of that absent minded eating, except I was conscious of it. I was happy to see they hadn't set up the cotton candy machine. I think I mentioned in a previous post, a year back or so, how they ended up buying a cotton candy machine which got me thinking about buying my own.  There's nothing more heavenly then maple syrup cotton candy. Something I discovered when I moved to New England, which is made with Indian sugar, basically crystallized syrup. And I could eat it everyday. I ended up not buying a machine, I was good. 

They did have their snow cone machine out, and Maggie really wanted to make me a snow cone since she was manning it. I asked for a plain one. She was like, what is a plain one?  And I explained it was just ice.  She ran off, and came back with two plain ones - one for me and one for her. So all good. 

Then a few hours in, out it came, the cotton handy machine and everyone has these humongous cotton balls. Blue and pink clouds were floating around everywhere. They were sitting next to me and being offered up. Part of me wanted some, out of habit/tradition or whatever you call it. I guess because my brain is like "you love cotton candy, therefore you should eat some right now". But the other part of me really didn't crave any. I think I'm getting this sugar thing out of my system. I really wasn't that tempted that much. It did help they weren't the maple syrup kind, because then I probably would have had some (once I was done with my 30 days of detoxing). But the blue and pink kind just isn't as good anymore. I'm guessing if I was hungry, I would have been weaker. So that's good to keep in mind for future. 

The last bit I have to share was at the end of the night, I was making my rounds saying goodbye.  At one point I was over with some people, who happened to be standing near the cotton candy machine actually. Cameron comes over and sits on the stool, eating something, and picking at the remnants of the crystallized blue sugar in the machine. We're chatting and I mention, "do you know I haven't eaten any sugar for 30 days". His response was "no way, I don't believe you". And I said, "yeah, I wanted to see if I could go without sugar for a month". And he repeats, "no way, I don't believe you". He's staring at me in utter disbelief, trying to figure out if I'm pulling his leg and being my usual self of saying funny, silly things, and this falls in that category or if I really mean it. I still don't know if he believes me but had to laugh that it blew a seven year olds brain, the idea of no sugar, not just for one day but for a whole month. 

I'm off to make breakfast.  I really want my regular, hearty breakfast since I'm going orienteering today, running around in the woods. But, today is the day I start reintroducing foods and testing out their reactions. Today is non-gluten grains. I have to figure out what items to reintroduce. Partly because I have to pack my lunch, since we're having a BBQ after the orienteering. Maybe I'll make a rice dish for lunch. I'll keep you posted. 

Oh and I forgot to report, I weighed myself and I'm down ten pounds. I was starting to wonder if it was all in my head. I was trying on some skirts/pants yesterday I hadn't worn for awhile, trying to figure what to wear, and found them tight to get on - the thighs. So started to wonder.  But nope, lost 10 pounds - probably mostly from the belly. And the thing is I ate a ton of food at each meal this last month. I never went hungry. Which I love. Before all this, I was starting to learn about what calories food had and getting up to speed on all the food nutrition stuff and it was a lot. I really didn't want to keep a food journal counting calories, and portioning my meals but still being hungry, but felt like I needed to do something to keep things in check. Now I have this new way where I just eat as much meat and vegetables as I want and keep an eye on the grains, dairy and sugars.  That seems so much easier. 

Whole30 Day 28

Coming down the home stretch. Only a few days left until I hit the big 3-0. I have gotten adjusted to the new types of meals. And I do feel like I'm eating healthier than ever. One big adjustment is going grocery shopping so often. I should have gone yesterday but was on a role with catching up with my pile of ironing while it was cool and low humid.  I got a ton done.  I broke for lunch and cooked up the sirloin steak. I had a salad with the last of my beet greens and farmers market lettuce and strawberries I picked this last weekend. It was very good and I ended up eating a bigger helping because I didn't want the salad to go to waste. As a result, I wasn't hungry come dinner time and since I didn't really have much in the fridge, I decided to call it a night.  I was full afterall. Probably not a great idea and lesson learned to keep portions on point and not succumb to cleaning my plate and not letting food go to waste. 

The two downsides right now, is one, having to keep the fridge constantly full of fresh produce. Which, after writing it doesn't sound like a bad thing, just annoying. I feel like I'm constantly going to the store and to be honest, yesterday, I just didn't really want to go, yet again. And two, the dreams. I'm waking up with such vivid and tiring dreams. Clearly influenced by what I watched or listened to or read the day before. But no different than what I was exposed to a month before. I guess the brain fog not only lifted during the day but also at night too. 

I think I'm going to start measuring my sleep patterns with my fitbit and see how often the dreams effect my sleeping. And my cats. This morning I was somewhat awake when Webster started trying to subtly wake me up to be fed. Now Winston, back in his day, had no subtliness about him.  The moment I started to come out of a deep sleep he would start to meow and destroy things to get me out of bed. Webster on the other hand, is equally driven but more devious.  This morning I was wake enough to experience him walking over me and pawing at my sheets to get up. I'm starting to think he does this when I'm asleep and don't know he's doing it. So when I am finally waking up, he's all innocent just hanging out by my feet waiting for me to wake up. 

On the upside there are quite a few things. I love not having the brain fog. I can't say I knew I had brain fog before, but when it has lifted you notice it. I don't feel so dulled. I didn't experience tiger blood energy but then again I associate that term with manic energy which honestly isn't that healthy. But I do feel like I have the good kind of energy, I'm not dulled.  I have a nice level of energy. And I realized I do get tired, but that's normal.  You exert yourself, you will get tired.  But now it's from doing stuff and not because I ate breakfast. And of course mental stress can still make you tired. I've only cleared up the physical aspect. But man, it's nice having a healthier body. 

And that leads to the third thing, I feel so much healthier, and I like my body much better now.  I should clarify that I've been lucky and not really dealt with body image issues. I always had a target weight but it was to gain some pounds so people wouldn't make comments and I could blend in. I had a good metabolism after all which let me eat whatever. But middle age hit and I finally got to that target weight after two decades. This was about five years ago. And now, more recently, the number seems to be climbing pretty quickly.  I started to feel like my skin I was in was changing and not reflecting who I was accustomed to. I do want to age gracefully but I felt like this last year I was packing on the pounds pretty quickly and all in the belly/thigh area. I was becoming self conscious in most of my outfits that things were showing off the belly. 

I can't really tell if I lost any inches, but I feel like I did. And that's the important part. I really feel like my belly is normal. It's not flat like my pre-middle age days, but that's normal. I really should have taken some measurements before I started all this. I am curious about my weight, but am sticking to the rules and waiting.  Plus my scale is buried in my closet so it's not that easy to get to. 

I'm really curious to find out what foods are attributed to what improvements. Is it dairy that makes me bloated?  Or is it the sugar that packs on the pounds?  Is it the grains that give me fog brain and effect my energy?  I hope it's not too complicated to figure out. Reading lately, I am so much more aware of sugar and it's effects. I mean, I was brought up in a pretty low sugar family. We didn't get candy or soda except on special occasions and not a ton of desserts. Our meals were home made and not a lot of package foods chock full of sugars. I hated it then but am so appreciative of it now. Shout out to the parents. So I knew sugar wasn't a good thing, but then I think as I grew up, and saw everyone else eating sugar en masse, and found it was socially acceptable, and sooo delicious, why not eat cake for breakfast? But that's the thing.  I didn't eat cake for breakfast. I ate a "normal" amount of sugar, relative to everyone else. And there in lays the trap. 

This has really opened up my eyes to sugar, in case you haven't noticed in all these posts. I never thought I could give up sugar.  I love baked goods and desserts. I thought people were so. Strange when they said they cut sugar out of their diet. Why give it up?  And that's the thing, I have absolutely no intention of giving it up. I'll be darned if I'm not having cake on my birthday. But that's the thing.  Many cultures eat sugar on special occasions, not part of their daily life. When I go to Paris, I'm eating french pasties. And maybe every day I'm there. I'm having sticky buns for Christmas morning - it's tradition. I've had them every christmas since I could eat. 

What I learned is that when you start to get hungry, it's your sweet tooth that activates first. So no more snacks that feed the sweet tooth.  If I'm hungry, I'm eating a meal. And no more eating sweets because they are there. I'm not having that pastry in the bake room that was bought at the corner store and isn't that great, especially compared to the paris version. I'm eating quality sweets.  No store bought crappy birthday cakes. Only quality stuff. And last but not least, I'm not eating secret sugar. Sugar that is sneaked into food to make it taste better by the food manufacturers. This is not an absolute because frankly I'm finding it impossible to find food that is sugar free. Like mustard, I think my mustard had sugar in it so I had to box it up. Why does mustard need sugar?  But I'm going to be a lot more conscious of it, which leads to me to my plan for next month. 

I'm going to start a sugar journal. Nothing fancy, just keeping track of what foods I eat that have sugar each day and approximately how much. I feel like I've been learning how not to eat sugar on sugars terms, but on my terms. Not to eat a dessert because my sweet tooth is telling me to or out of habit, but because I want the dish regardless of the sugar. Plus I feel like I'm still on the rocky road to recovery and this will help lessen my likelihood of falling off the wagon.   Oh, and I really don't think I'll be adding back into my diet, drinking liquid sugar. So many of my drinks had sugar and in such high doses. Ive been a little lax on my daily water intake, but I find I don't miss the juices that much.  I did almost have lemonade last weekend.  After we finished the course at the orienteering event, I went to get some water and noticed they had a cooler of lemonade too. Out of habit I almost reached for it. But you know what, water was so much better then when I was thirsty. And there is no question water is good for you. So more water drinking!

Whole30 Day 25

I'm at that point in this whole thing where I am figuring out what day I am by counting backwards. I'm pretty close to 30 days. Saturday will be my last day.  This weekend I was up in NH visiting family and everything went well. I think the only lapse was a little bit of butter that some fish was cooked in. I didn't notice any effects. Also, we had grilled chicken one night and it smelt so good.  My pieces were sans BBQ sauce, but seemed to be infused with the smell from the surrounding BBQ pieces. The only no-no ingredient was sugar - there were four different kinds of sugar in the sauce. 

I ended up packing my breakfast and bringing it up (sweet potato hash and sausage) and just boiling some soft boiled eggs. I did notice that my appetite for breakfast really dropped. I had trouble finishing what I normally ate and gave away my second egg to dad one morning. Not sure if I'm just tired of the meal or the different environment of eating breakfast or what. We did go grocery shopping Friday so I picked up a bunch of veggies for a salad and some chicken breasts. This worked for my lunch over the days. 

We went orienteering on Sunday, and ended around 12:30, so swung by the general store for subs. I really was not that hungry and frankly was not tempted by the food. Although, by the time I got home I did find I was hungry. My hunger sneaks up on me more now. 

All in all very good and couldn't have done it without Barbro who payed special attention to ingredients when fixing the three dinners. It was so nice not to have to cook for myself. When you only eat veggies and meat for all three meals, it sure seems like you are cooking a lot more. No quick sandwiches or quick breakfast cereals. 

I just got an email from my Aunt Sue in Texas coordinating things for our upcoming visit.  It's right in the middle of the reintroduction period. I went back and forth and decided I'm going to focus on keeping dairy out of my diet during that trip. I'll have two cycles before I go, where I can introduce non-gluten grains and then recover for a few days and then introduce gluten and recover before I get on the plane. And if I need to I can just spend some extra time back home, after the visit, resetting my system before I continue with the reintroduction period. 

The trick will be the darn sugar dragon. I was good and didn't have dessert this weekend. We had picked fresh strawberries and were having strawberry shortcake on the type of pound cakes I always loved as a kid. But after dinner I asked myself, and found that I really wasn't hungry, so wasn't even tempted to have even a plate of strawberries. However, I'm not sure how good I'll be around baked goods over the Fourth of July weekend. Hopefully it's crappy, cheap looking sweets.  Doubt it though. 

I do feel like 30 days seems to have been a good length for my body to adjust to all the foods but one - the sugar.  I still think I need more time off of sugar to severe the ties. I keep fantasizing of eating some sweet en masse. I've really fixated on chocolate mouse lately. I haven't had that in years. Today it was a pint of ice cream. Again, this is out of learned behavior. I always eat yogurt, ice cream or sorbet when it's hot. And it was hot today.  I think it's because it cools me down. But really, how long does it cool you down for?  This afternoon I almost had a snack, but held off, even though it was compliant.  Again, I realized I wanted to eat something, but it wasn't because I was hungry. I was just jonesing for something a little sweet. 

I did find I was more tired this weekend. I think it could have been the change in activity. I was being a lot more social than I've been lately and was outside a lot more. And I wasn't the only one who was tired. I do wish I got this tiger blood thing and always had endless energy. I am happy my energy levels are a lot more leveled out now. Although today, I did find myself really tired this morning. I had to force myself to make breakfast before it got too late. Maybe I need to find a second breakfast option. But I think I was tired this morning from the heat and the visit. Let's see how tomorrow goes. Nicks spending the night before he flies out tomorrow so that will give me more structure to the day. 

Whole30 Day 21

I do feel like my body has fully adjusted to this new food regime. And it's my mental side that is now adjusting. When it comes to dairy, legumes, or grain, I don't find that I'm missing any of it taste wise. I still think I "should" have a certain food, but it's more due to habit or culture. For instance, I was cooking ground beef last night, and as I was trying to decide if I should make yet another hamburger. I was thinking I should have a bun and slap on some cheese. But the cheese is because that was how I always took my hamburger in the past, as a topping, and I'm ok without. Actually I didn't realize how much I used cheese as a topping just out of habit. I'd always have cheddar, and feta or blue cheese or goat cheese stocked, so would always crumble/grate cheese on top of my salads and even my cooked dishes. Just because.  That's how I would to finish the dish. But it was really just for that little extra saltiness. I rarely would use salt and pepper at the dinner table. So now I just season with salt and pepper. 

And when it comes to the hamburger bun, again, this was just habit. I mean that's how you eat hamburgers right? You pick them up and eat them with a bun. I think I mostly miss the grains for the quick fill they provided. I feel like I am still figuring out my portions. I usually plate up my meal and that's it, no seconds. But now I'm not sure how much to plate. And I find if I'm cooking my vegetables, I need to eat a bigger portion. Although, there's nothing like raw vegetables to fill you up. I had a spinach salad last night and if I had cooked up the food first, I would have needed to eat at least three times more.  But since I was eating it raw, a portion went farther. Strange that. And I did remember that often, I wasn't wild about hamburger buns. Often just cheap white bread which was nothing to write home about. And often the meat to bread ratio was off with too much bread. 

I do find I miss the grains if only for their simplicity. I'm having to go grocery shopping a lot more often and of course it's more expensive to buy meat and fresh produce than rice or bread. I was going to say grains are also easier to cook, but I'm taking that back. I still am getting used to my meals coming together quicker than before. It doesn't take that long to cook the meat and veggies compared to whole grains. And the prep time isn't that much. Although there is a lot more to clean up it seems. 

Up until yesterday, it's been nice and cool weather which has been making things easy - made it a non-issue to be in the kitchen. I think I'm going to have to start bulk cooking more - in the cool mornings, so I can just zap things or eat a cold meal. Know thyself. 

I do still have a hankering for the sweet.  I sometimes find myself half thinking of bing eating some kind of dessert. Kind of like "when I get out of this joint, I'm buying myself a cake and eating the whole thing in one sitting". Which I know I won't do but again the sweet tooth is putting up a fight. I think it's mainly because up until now I've been protecting myself, and not putting myself in situations where there is easy access to sweets and a social expectation. But I have two social events coming up - heading up to NH for Father's Day and a big BBQ next week. This weekend it's more about just watching the ingredient list.  I'm still amazed how sugar sneaks into dishes. I've offered to cook a meal or two which will help, except I need to figure out what to make. Up until now, I've not been making anything fancy - just cooking up the food - no combinations or seasonings. Like I'll have cooked chicken, cooked cauliflower and cooked spinach and just top with salt and pepper. Anyways, it's family so they are understanding and it should be fine. I'm just really want to make it the full 30 days without sugar. 

Oh - I did consume a tiny amount of non-compliant food the other day - sunflower oil. I had some bottled roasted red peppers in the pantry. I was getting low on ingredients to consume. Sunflower oil sounds healthy, but I guess it isn't that wholesome. Something about processing the oil from the seeds. It was just what the peppers were bottled in along with water so a small amount. I think I'm fine and didn't really notice any effect. 

I'm not sure if my sleeping has leveled out yet. I'm having no trouble going to sleep but the dreaming. I wake up each morning aware that I had a lot of dreams. And not always light and happy dreams. I know it's a way for the brain to work through things so maybe that's what that is. I rarely remember them but do remember I had them. As a result I do feel like I am as rested. I don't necessarily feel like I need a mid-day nap but do go to bed early. I've been trying to get into the habit of brushing my teeth after dinner. Instead of waiting until just before bed. Just before bed for means I'm tired and want to go bed.  And don't want to spend time flossing or washing my face or any of it. Know thyself, so I pushed up my bedtime routine so I can get it all done and done well. But then I have the association of getting ready for bed and then going to sleep. So I'll feel tired earlier than I'm really tired I think. But since I don't have the "maybe I'll have dessert later", I can do all that at 7 or 8. It's a new pattern I'm trying. We'll see how it goes. 

I do feel like I'm at a good ground zero (other them the sugar cravings).  I was thinking about my energy the other day and I have to admit I have tons more energy than I did a month ago. I think I was expecting a sudden change and going into a manic level of energy. Which sounds bad to have actually. I guess that is what I associated with the term tiger blood. Instead, I have a nice steady, relatively high level of energy.  It kind of snuck up on me. 

I'm not getting as much done because of mental stuff. I do this thing where I have to get x and y done before I can do other stuff. But if I'm stuck and don't want to do x or y, I just don't do anything. Because, I have to do those first. It's somewhat paralizying. For me, I'm needing to finish up some projects before my garage sale, so I can figure out what to let go of.  This translates to one, my dining room taken over with frames and art and supplies to mat and hang - about twenty items, big and small. I've been chipping away, but sometimes, it's not quite right, and I take a break to figure out what to do, and then get stuck. Perftionism and indescision. I finally checked out something to listen to while I work - a book on tape from my online library and barreled through.  So,e pieces look great, others, not quite. But I figure, up they go and I can upgrade them later once I'm all done. And cycle back. 

Two, my living room is taken over with four big bins of stuff. And several boxes. Half of it is all my fabric and stuffing and sewing supplies. I have too much fabric and need to get rid of some. I figured I'd just map out my sewing projects (ie, use this fabric to make pillows for the bench), and off load the rest in the garage sale. But this also means figuring out color schemes for my rooms. My bedroom is good - I love the paint color, but I'm still trying to figure out colors for my back room and middle room. And that means I'm going around in circles. I bought the fabric for projects that have since morphed or I changed my mind, but I still like the fabric. I just don't know where to use it. And so I have a lot of fabric that is a "maybe one day" which is not the Marie Kondo way. I was good at the beginning of the year, honing my skill of deciding what to keep, but realized I'd fallen back into my old ways. As I was looking for a book on tape to listen to, I saw I could also check out Kondos second book so have been reading that which is a good reinforcement of the healthier way of thinking. 

The other bunch of bins and boxes are from when I did the tidying up and going through everything a few months back. These were the maybe stuff that I had trouble letting go of, but didn't spark a ton of joy. Or they were things I decided to let go of, but wanted to photograph. Like sentimental items from my past or knitting books that I wanted to scan one pattern. I just need to buckle down and go through them all and be done. That's why I put them in the middle of my living room. But as a result it's an eyesore. Writing about all this is energizing me to finally just get it done. 

And that's the nice thing, I have the energy.  The energy to stay with a project until it's done and hopefully the energy to push through the mental blocks. It's hard to push forward when you have low physical energy on top of mental energy being zapped.  

I've been meaning to write up some notes and realizations I had from when I was first going through all my stuff with the Marie Kondo method. I should hunt up the notes and share them.  That would also help me get my thinking back on track. Habits die hard I'm finding. You can't change things over night.  Practice. 

Whole30 Day 18

I almost messed up is morning. So close and then I came out clean. I've been having exactly the same breakfast every morning - soft boiled eggs, sweet potatoes, sautéed onions, peppers spinach or beet greens and breakfast sausage. It's been good.  No complaints but this morning, since I was out of breakfast sausage I thought, since if be cooking up my meat share breakfast patties that I'd fry my eggs. I was getting breakfast ready, had cut open the patties when I thought I should triple check the ingredient list again. Some herbs, peppers, salt and at the end dextrose. I hadn't really noticed it before, partly because I realize I skim the ingredient list and if it generally looks good and I know the ingedients, than I should be good. Did I research dextrose before and found it ok?  I figured Id check again before I threw the patty on the pan.  And guess what, dextrose is a sugar. What?  Why is there sugar in my breakfast pattie. Bugger. I put the patties in a freezer bag and popped them back into the freezer. 

I do admit to thinking about it for a few minutes. I mean it's at the end of the list and I'm sure it would be just a tiny amount.  But in hone end I really like the idea of saying I did not have any added sugar for 30 days. I have to figure out how to say that better since fruits and vegetables have natural sugars. 

Speaking of which, when I was picking up produce yesterday, I seriously considered buying some bing cherries and another cantelope and maybe some plums that looked so good. But then I realized I wanted the cherries so I could munch on hone between meals. Again, not a bad thing but as I'm committed of trying to break this sugar thing, I need to break the need for sugar snacks, whatever the form. So no fruit other than bananas which I don't think of as sweet and when I do eat them I eat them in monkey ceral which means it's mostly nuts and almond butter and non-sweet ingredients. 

In the end, I'm happy to say I've been sugar free for 18 days.  Actually, I probably should adjust it to something like 15, since I was eating a bit of balsamic vinegar in my dressings those first few days until I found out what was in caramel coloring. I find I'm liking my salads dressed simpler and simpler. I used to love blue cheese dressing growing up and the switched to french balsamic vinegrette I'd buy at the store and then the last five years or so I'd just use olive oil and a splash of vinegar. And now, this month, no vinegar, but I do use a squeeze of lemon or lime. 

I feel like a real european kitchens I nice I always have onions, garlic, lemons/limes and herbs on hand, regardless of what I'm cooking. Because I'll use them up in a week. Before I'd just buy them for recipes since I wouldn't use them that much on the spur. But then again I'm really cooking a ton more. And doing a ton more dishes. As a result my kitchen is almost always tidy. Funny that. I guess because I try not to have a ton of cooking tools, so need to wash things so they are ready for the next meal - like my skillets and knives. 

Now I need to just tackle the rest of my house. I've been making progress on projects - using a garage sale deadline to crank through things I think I might not want/need any more. Like my fabric stash. I'm finishing up framing art this week and then start sewing in a few days, but projects are littering my place. It is nice feeling like I'm making progress. 

Whole30 Day 17

According to the timeline, I'm supposed to be in the 'tiger blood' phase now. I can't say that I feel boundless energy but I do find my energy steadily getting better and better. It's almost hard to appreciate when it's gradual. I think back to when I was a teenager and would get new glasses. I could look out the back window and really see the backyard. I had been able to see the backyard in detail before but then my eyesight gradually got worse, except I didn't know I couldn't really see the backyard anymore. I think I was hoping for that instaneous, 'new glasses and I can see' moment, but rather I'm getting the flip side of gradually losing my eyesight - but in a good way, both for brain fog lifting and energy increasing.

Part of it is that I'm noticing different bits about myself. I'm not just lumping everything into one bucket and saying I'm tired, or hungry, or stressed. I'm noticing if I'm physically tired, or mentally tired or emotionally tired. Like, have I been making a ton of decisions and it's wearing me down and I need a break, or do I feel tired because my energy is low due to physical fuel and I need to eat. 

Talking about eating, I'm really aware of food and my eating habits more now than ever.  I always thought I was on top of my eating, but this has been really eye opening. The last few days, I would get the munchies. Except I wasn't really hungry. I'm still having a little trouble figuring out my hunger signals. So often I'm finding my hunger is really a food craving. I was reading up on this topic on T&M he internet and found that sometimes the munchies come about for several reasons.  For me, the two big ones are procrastination and boredom. Like yesterday, I was making good headway on a project, but got to a hard part where I had to make some decisions. I suddenly wanted to take a break and raid the kitchen. I wasn't hungry for my next meal, I was just procrastinating on figuring out the next step of my project. How crazy is that?  And the other one, boredom, I hate to use the b-word, because I think of boredom as sitting and fiddling your thumbs, not doing anything. I find that sometimes I'm listless in an activity.  I'm engaged but it's not a riveting engagement.  Then my subconscious wanders and comes upon, 'hey, let's take a break and get something to eat.'

Turns out the sweet craving is pretty strong. The more I read about sugar and trying to obstain, the more I read comparisons about smokers and alcoholics (and drug addicts), trying to come clean. It's amazing what sugar does, wiggling into your brain. I still have a subtle sugar craving. Like, I'm good in that I won't get into my car and go buy something. Even when I'm at the store shopping, I'm good about not picking up anything sweet. But I'm not sure how well I'll do if I'm offered something sweet, like at a BBQ. Right now I have the 30 day thing, so I'm staying strong, but what about after?  I'm not so sure. One day at a time. 

And I think I might have messed up a few days back. I've not eaten anything non-compliant, but I do think I ate something the wrong way - my cantelop.  I had cut up my second melon and would have a generous helping with proscito. But I never really ate it as part of my meal. Usually just before or after, which in my head I thought was good enough. But then one afternoon, I got the munchies.  I was in the listless category. And mid-day, between meals I grabbed the bowl of cantelope and started eating it.  Except it was that mindless eating where you enjoy a bite and then next thing you know, you've eaten it all. I'm not saying that cantelope is bad, but it is sweet and that was what my body was trying to get a fix of. Something sweet. I feel like I was an alcoholic, trying to stay clean, and then drinks a bottle of mouthwash or something. I was getting my fix, even though I wasn't technically consuming processed sugar. 

Part of me wants to get another melon since it is so good and is in season.  But the other part of me thinks maybe I need to wait and not buy too much fruit for awhile until the sugar doesn't have such a hold on me. It's so strange writing this because I know if I was reading this a year ago, I would think I was crazy about not eating fruit, or even some sugar. It's not like I eat coipious amounts of sweets. But it's really amazing how we consume what we consume and why. Again, I've heard this all before, but thought it was for people with unhealthy diets, not me who eats home cooked meals, hates fast food and chips.  I'm realizing I'm not always the one deciding when to consume something.  I've always been proud I don't like coffee, and never was a aslave to the morning cup routine. But now I'm finding I am a slave to sugar. It was so quiet and got away with it's hold because it was subtle.  Not always shrinking at the same time or intensity. Socially acceptable.  It flew under the radar. 

I think what I have now, that keeps me strong is awareness. In the past I could talk myself into having something sweet. I'm a guest at someone's house, or everyone else is having some, or it was that time of the month, or I deserve the reward. But now I know what it does to my body. How is eating something sweet a reward when it will give you a sugar crash and get you hooked again?  Don't get me wrong, I still plan on eating sugar In the future, but it really has to be worth it. Like, I'm going to a BBQ in a few weeks and I know there will be a ton of sweets.  First I'm not having any because I'm in the 30 day window still.  But second, most of the sweets are store bought at the grocery store - nothing that great, and the homemade stuff is like cookies or brownies, nothing that great either. If it was that hibiscus donught I had a few months back in NYC, at a cute little trendy donught shop. That I would treat myself, and get one. Opps, see, why do I say treat myself?  It's so part of our culture to equate sweets with treats. But even with that donught, I don't know if I'd eat it all. When I had it before I only ate about half since I was fairly full, and shared the rest with my friend who had their donught and half of mine. Mine was hands down the better one. 

The last thing I want to add, is that my sleep hasn't been fabulous.  I've been sleeping through the night but I don't feel like it's a really full and deep sleep.  I still feel like I'm dreaming a ton more. And not about sweets, which sometimes happens.  I think maybe it's just that time of year. Do I sleep better in winter, all cuddled under the warm comforter?  Maybe I do.  It's not hot yet. It's that in between coolness of low 60s. I feel like I'm mentally tired when I wake up. So maybe it's not the food. Need to figure that one out. 

Should I get a grill?

I just got back from picking up my first CSA share. This year I signed up for a meat share. I'm still not sure if I picked the right amount - my fear over the last several weeks, in anticipation, is that I've committed to more meat than I can eat in a month. 

I got home and unpacked the meat. It's all frozen so I just popped the goodies into the freezer. My freezer has always been lightly loaded. It's only ever full when I'm battling the moths and trying to freeze them out of my linens/clothes.  And now it seems packed. Granted there is a large box of my boxed off items (corn, peas, potstickers). And there are two bags of wool blankets. But the rest of the free space is now packed up with meat. 

As I'm sitting writing this, Webster is sniffing the plastic bags and cooler that I've unpacked. This is what I've unpacked - most of the meats don't have the weights on the labels, so I'm guessing. 

Pork:

- two racks of pork spare ribs (1.8# each)

- two packages ground pork (1# each)

- one package pork breakfast sausage patties (1#)

Beef:

- one boneless sirloin steak (guessing 2-3#s)

- three packages of ground beef (guessing about 1# each)

Poultry:

- two packages of young chicken thighs (4 thighs per package)

- one pound ground turkey 50/50 white/dark meat

There was some pork sausages that had cheese and sugar in them that I was able to switch out for a package of ground pork. I really haven't cooked with most of these meats. I've done coq au vin with chicken thighs and I've cooked with ground beef. But not this type of ground beef. I don't know if you can see in the picture, but the ground beef is this dark red with barely any white. They said it's close to 95% to 99% lean. And that is the cases it hall the meat they told me.  Since the animals are pasture and not factory grown, they are much leaner so the cooking time is a lot less. They said marinades are your friend with this type of meats. 

So I'm off to find some new recipes. It will be interesting to see if I can find marinades, especially for the ribs, that don't have sugars. And see if can cook these meats in the oven/stove since I'm not a big grill person. I like grilled meats, but don't love the clean up. 

Whole30 Day 12

I just finished the period where most people gracefully bow out. Me?  I'm still in. According to the timeline I'm supposed to be entering the "boundless energy" stage. I can't say that I feel that, but I also didn't feel strong food cravings either. I broke out the cantelope and proscito yesterday, even though the cantelope wasn't entirely rip and as a result I nicked my thumb. But it's healing well and not too annoying today.  

The last few days I do feel like I'm using a different energy source. And I have to keep being aware that I'm not falling into a sleep coma right after breakfast. This was so part of my life for several years, and only getting worse, that I forget that's not the norm. I am happy that I don't have that sudden dip. But I do wish my overall energy was higher. Pre this experiment, I would have low energy dips and as a result would take naps. I was so happy to hear my neighbors often took naps on the weekends, I didn't feel so abnormal. Now, I have lowish energy, but not the type that makes me want to take a nap.   It's like I just don't have enough fuel, versus battling my way through a dense fog to stay awake. Hence why I do feel my body is adjusting from quick sugars to using the fats. It's nice not being on and xtreme roller coaster of ups and downs. My peaks and valleys are leveling out, I just need to move the entire line up. 

I did some reading and, obviously, not everyone is on the same exact schedule.  But also that maybe I should still be experimenting with my meals. I haven't had the food boredom that some have, I think in part because I am eating the foods I normally I eat, just in larger quanties since I don't have the cheap baked goods or grains to fill me up. After the first few days, I did scale back a bit on my meat portion size. What really is a palm size?  I really wish it would be in a weight measurement because I'm crap at estimating. I started thinking that two chicken breasts were three portions if looking at my palm.  And eating two eggs were my norm, so I fell back to that. 

I found this useful article, geared for paleo diets, but a lot of overlap, http://paleoleap.com/energy-paleo/

And it's giving me a few things to test out.  Yesterday and today I've tried increasing my portion size of meat. Not too much of an effect. One thing I've been reading is increasing fats.  I think I include the right amount of fats but maybe not. I've learned that the fat benefits of olive oil diminishes when cooking. So I think I'll try adding a tablespoon of coconut oil. I bought a jar of it a few months back for a recipe and thought I would be stuck with a speciality ingredient I'd be stuck with but I'm really using it a bunch. I'm trying trial and error of each suggestion in isolation so I can better understand the effects of food on me. Nothing like being systematic.

In the meantime, I am happy that I am not as lethargic.  I want to be doing more stuff, and just find that I need to pace myself and take breaks. I've also noticed that my appetite is back. That's the main contributor to wanting to eat non-whole30 foods.  It will be getting close to dinner and I just don't want to be chopping and fixing dinner. I think this speaks to my nice lifestyle where I've never had to be the homemaker and make sure there is dinner on the table every. single. night. I love cooking but some days I don't want to and I realize that's when I would hit some dairy. Last night I just wanted to fix a quick bowl of yogurt and jam. Because it was quick and easy. It was a strange observation, since my dinner was leftovers that just needed to be microwaved. But maybe I was tired with the left overs?

I've been noticing my stomach is hungry sometimes between meals. And this is after trying to figure out if it is just a craving cloaked in the hunger signal. But I get it sometimes after finishing a meal. So that's another thing to work on still - portion sizes. Reading, it seems like most people are experiment the rhythms of three meals and feeling satiated in between. I have that some days but not always. 

The last change is my sleep, specifically my dreams. The last several days, people often dream about off foods like sweets. For me food doesn't seem to feature in the dreams and the dreams are quite strong and not always neutral. I wonder if this is effecting my sleep. Some nights, I crawl into bed befor 9 PM, other times I'm up until 11 PM. I'm all over the place with my sleep and usually I'm pretty regular with when I go to sleep and when I wake up. Now I wake up at different times each morning. I can't remember when this happened to last. I was so consistent in the past, that I knew when daylight savings was coming up because my wake time would slowly adjust an hour, in alignment with dawn and the birds. 

And finally my drinking has adjusted. I only drink water. I've not drunk tea or juice or smoothies. And I used to always have odwalla or OJ in my fridge along with a cranberry juice. But reading about the sugars and processed fruit smoothies, I decided to go with just water. I still get bored with it sometimes, but am so surprised still how drinking one glass shifts my quiet cravings. I'm still about six 16 ounce glasses per day. I keep track of them on my fridge - I have six magnets in a vertical line and I move one over each time I down a glass. I rarely have a drink after dinner. And that seems to help with the night sleeping. Half the time I sleep through the night without having to get up. Oh, and I almost forgot, I've brought my salt shaker back into rotation.  I was almost exclusively using ground sea salt with ground pepper, but read that the iodine in table salt can be beneficial. 

And that's about all to report for now. I'm happy I'm about half way through since I'm curious about what foods effect me which way and want to xperiment with reintroduction. The one thing I can't find much on is sugar. As I mentioned I'm looking forward to be free of sugars hold but I also do want to enjoy a nice quality sweet every now and then. What is the tips for eating sugars?  I'd hate to have one slice of cake for a birthday celebration and this leads to falling off the wagon.  Is there a ratio of non-sugar days for every teaspoon of sugar consumed?  Like it takes a day for every hour of jet lag. Still researching the sugar quandary. Luckily I still have a couple weeks left.